Feelings coming back

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Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/21/2006 5:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I had a pretty good week, I got a part time job I am enjoying, got my first paycheck, kept my mind on more positive things. Yesterday it all went downhill, the stress, the worry, the sick feeling in the stomach, panic. I don't want to get into the place I was a month ago where I had plans for what my husband and kids would do without me, I just don't want to feel that bad again either.
I hate the waiting on what will happen with the company my husband works for, he could have a job for the next five years or it could end tomorrow. I'm tired of worrying about it, money and bills.
I really don't want alot out life, just to be able to pay our bills and be a bit happy.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/21/2006 7:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Suzy, I am glad to hear that you had a good week and congrats on your part-time job and your first check...That is great!
I was much like you always trying to look forward and worrying about things that I had no control over what so ever.  It sounds as if you have a lot of anxiety going on...and worrying about the what if's is not helping you any.
It took me a long time to break that habit and just concentrate on today, this minute, I cant even plan out what I am going to do 5 hours from now or else I will get frazzled out of my mind...lol!  I understand when you have kids and a husband, job, and other such responsiblities it is necessary for you to have an outline of what is going on.  And since money seems to be such a big issue how about drawing up a budget either on paper or on your computer that way you can see it (maybe it will help ground you when you get panicky) of what your bills are, when they are due, how much your bringing in, and seeing from there what you can try to pay off or trim out in ways of cutting back or saving money incase something should happen.
This way your doing something, seeing it and being in a bit of control as your being proactive about that "rainy day" and hopefully it will help with that anxiety.

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/21/2006 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I've been doing that and then I start to obsess (sp) to the point of looking for a bankruptcy lawyer. It just keeps going.

Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/21/2006 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Back to explain more, husband came in and he worries to much about me as it is. Anyway, I have a plan set up, but I don't know if I have enough, if any time, to put that plan into action. Things are so up in the air where my husband works that who knows how things will be next week, or next month. That is no time. If I knew I had a good five years things would be alright, but I can't stop thinking that it's all going to blow up SOON. That's where my worries come in at. We were very stupid with money, totally admit it, and I have a plan to get things in order, but I don't think I'm going to be able to act on it.
For the most part, I don't want to deal with it anymore, I'm tired of going over the money trying to squeeze more out here and there, I'm tired of worrying if we will loose our home, and it's all I can think about. Drugs or no drugs, it's just there.

slowlygoingcrazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 10/21/2006 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I can totally relate. My husband was unemployed for 10 mths during which we had his EI and the odd job here and there to boost it up, but it was hard to plan for anything because we never knew what was going to happen next. If he'd have a job when the money ran out, how we'd pay for daycare, etc.... Even now, things are paycheque to paycheque. There's never much extra for anything, and we have two kids that add to the expenses, as you well know. Plus there's always something. It never fails that just as you start to feel like you are getting back on track, the car suffers a major breakdown that you have no money to repair or something in the house needs to be repaired. I can also relate to being stupid with money. I am one of those people that spoils everybody, and I put us in huge hole looking after friends and family instead of us. It was partially due to depression because it made me feel better buying things for other people, even though it was only a temporary uplifting of spirits. We are in credit counselling and they are helping us get out of the hole and get back on track. We are half we to our goal. We will get there. We just have to be patient, which is easier said than done some days. I have had to be patient for going on 11 years now in terms of my education. I have tried three times (minimum) to go back to school but still I can't. There's always a reason, financial usually. So I completely understand the frustration with finances. And the wondering what's going to happen tomorrow? How do you plan under those circumstances? How do you move forward? How do you stay positive? It's extremely difficult. I wish I could offer you a magic solution but I can't. You got to try to focus on the positive. You got a part time job you enjoy. For now your husband still has his job. Put away as much as you can each week so that if it comes to him loosing his job, you might have a little bit of a safety net. It's definitely easier said than done because everybody wants your money. And it always seems to have places to go and it seems to just be gone before you know what happened to half of it, but if you can force yourself to save a little every week, it might relieve some of your anxieties. I wish you all the best. Congratulations on the new job.
slowlygoingcrazy
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/21/2006 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Slowly, thanks for the reply. We have been trying to save some money and have a little bit put away, it's not much, but it's something. I'm pretty sure my husband could get another job pretty fast....hopefully, but it would be for much less money. I have a junior in high school that we don't have any college fund for and I feel horrid about that, time got away so fast.
For the most part, I just want someone to come and take me by the hand and tell me that it will all be ok. I'm tearing up as I type, ugh.

slowlygoingcrazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 10/21/2006 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I can relate to that feeling too. There are days I just wish somebody would look after me instead of me looking after everybody else in this family. For example I have six kids on their way over in 45 minutes for my son's birthday party and I can't get myself up to clean up this play room. I just want someone else to do it! But it won't get done if I don't. I am so tired and worn out right now. I had a good week and I still have butterflies in my stomach from anxiety and stress. I can't settle myself down or get motivated. It's very frustrating. As for the college fund thing, I know my kids are going to have to make their own way through school. They have an RESP only because some of my mother-in-law's insurance money after her death was put aside for them for that reason. And my son has $300 in bonds. It's not a lot and it won't pay for everything. But lots of people, especially from past generations, put themselves through school. I was just talking with a friend yesterday about this, that it seems to be an idea of this generation that everything will be provided for them. If I go back to school I will be paying for it out of my own pocket. We are still paying my husband's schooling off. I wouldn't feel bad that you have nothing for your child. You have provided them with many other things just as worthy and who knows, maybe they'll have more respect for themselves, and a feeling of accomplishment when they put themselves through school. That's just my opinion.
slowly
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/21/2006 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I guess that's what bothers me, I had a pretty good week and now I feel like I'm almost back to square one. I need to be cleaning also, but just don't really care if it gets done or not....dishwasher is broken too, yuck......there are times I would like to get in my car and just drive away and disappear. I hope your son has a good party, I don't think the kids will care if the playroom is messy, ours always is. LOL

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/22/2006 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Well you can only do so much...it is going to be there weither you worry about it or not.  He could lose his job tomorrow or he could be employed for 30 more years and stressing on it isnt going to help any.  You said you have a plan in place act on it and keep working on it and dont look towards tomorrow, just concentrate on today and what you have to do today.  Tomorrow will work itself out it always has a way of doing that.

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/22/2006 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Yeah, that's what bugs me the most, there is nothing at the moment to say he will loose his job, I'm just stuck in a "what if" cycle. That's what is driving me crazy. For the most part we won't know anything for probably three or four weeks, and then it's all up in the air after that. I just can't seem to get it out of my head that it will all be bad.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/22/2006 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm, it sounds as if the problem is with husbands job right?  It may or may not last?  Has he been looking for other employment in the mean time just incase something should happen?  The internet has made job searching so easy and even applying for jobs that he could submit his resume online.  Granted I dont know what he does and what area you live in and such but if I were in that situation I would like to think I would be proactive and look for other employment instead of wait around for my job to end.  Especially since you have a house payment and kids with responsiblities you need to know that your husband has job security and right now he doesnt have that.
I dont want to sound harsh I am just trying to give you some ideas to hopefully help alleviate some of your worries or give you some plans of action.  I dont know.... eyes

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/22/2006 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
The main problems are that we can't sell the house right now, so if he were to loose his job and had to get a job in another state, we would probably loose the house. There is not much where we are now that he could move onto. He has been looking, just in case, but there isn't much out there for us where we are.
Also more than likely he would end up with a serious paycut, that would really throw us for a loop. He is not a man that would sit around and he has given me every confidence that it will all be ok, I just can't seem to get it out of my head how bad things could get. I want to believe that it will all be ok and work out, but for some reason I just can't. That's where my troubled thoughts come in and take over and not wanting to deal with it anymore.
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