Dear Sunshine - you must not blame yourself for your depression. The first step is to realize that depression is an illness, not unlike any other illness. If you had diabetes you would take insulin. You would have to learn how to "manage" life with this illness. Both are necessary for recovery with depression. Have you heard of the serenity prayer? "God grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Take care.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."