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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted Today 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
 My husband of nearly two years went through a traumatic love affair and sad divorce before he met me almost three years ago. He was on Wellbutri for two years then tapered off. He was still unhappy and guilty about "leaving his kids" and has been a somewhat involved dad, but less so because he feels so bad for his two kids- the sixteen year old has anger and is unmotivated to finish HS. Well the marajuana my husband has smoked a couple times a week for nearly two years to lift his mood has caught up with him- he was laid off with many others, but he was offered a job at a big Oiltool company.The bad news is that this new company wants him to take a urine and hair drug test. He is devastated because he would've passed the urine test, but the hair test gives him no hope of being hired. It will show a history of mj use I suppose. He is the breadwinner for two families- his ex has had nearly three years of spousal support, gone to school , but not working yet. If this hair test news doesn't send him over the edge, I'd be very surprised. He is such a wonderful good person, and I want to help him get thru this... any suggestions?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted Today 6:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi. I wish I had some words of wisdom. I'm sure someone will come along to help. I think it is important that your husband see a therapist. If he is still smoking mj then he is not dealing with the deep pain and grief of the past. I believe that the only way to truly go forward is to process the past. This won't get him the job today but it will get him the job tomorrow. Tell him not to try to do this alone.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/26/2006 8:23 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi 32, Welcome to Healing Well forum we are happy to have you.  I totally agree with hopeful here.  My ex-husband didnt use drugs but he did very much have a problem moving on from his past marrriage. They were together for 2 years and had 2 children together (girls) which his parents are raising.  My ex and I were together for 11 years.  I wish he would of agreed to go to counseling with me or anything at all...but it seemed that everything bad his ex did he thought I would do.  Still to this day he cant move on from our relationship...we have been divorced for 2 years and he e-mails me almost daily.

I know it isnt the same situation but you do need to get him into a counselor to help him move on from that relationship and hopefully not depend on the chemical substances to get him though the day.  All the best wishes to you and your family.  Take care

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/26/2006 11:05 AM (GMT -6)   
32yrswithCrohn's said...
the hair test gives him no hope of being hired.
Exactly - not easy, actually impossible, to beat that one!  So sorry about the job, but I do admire the thoroughness of the company.
Does you husband not realize, or not care, about the consequences of his behavior?  He is not only impacting his own life, but yours, and his "other" family, too.  What on earth is he thinking?  What kind of role model is he for his 16 year old?
You can't fix him, can't help him if he is not motivated to help himself.  You can listen, but you can't soften the hurts/anger from his first marriage.  I hope you will do whatever it takes to take care of YourSelf in this situation.   Let us hear from you ...

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/27/2006 4:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hestopped smoking it as soon as he was laid off, but he didn't anticipate being hair tested.
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