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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 11/1/2006 11:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello everyone,
im new to the board. i'm at work right now and i'm feeling bad and decided to search the web for a forum to help with my depression, i figure the net has a forum for everything and i found this forum.
my depression is weird, i've tried to go to therapists they didnt work out because i felt like i was paying someone to listen to me and i didnt get much help other than let me scream. i've tried pills which were bad, i was a walking zombie.
i get really mad, my blood pressure is so high because of how mad i get *im only 22*. i sit and think and get so upset about things that happened 10 year or more ago. i feel so guilty i feel like i'm gonna die. *litterally my chest is so tight, and i feel like i wanna jump outta my skin*  
i more or less just wanted to come to a place, where i could type what i feel without being judged, on the surface my life seems fine *i could win an emmy with my performances* and inside im a big old mess. sometimes i can control it sometimes im flying off the handle. i get so sad i dont know what to do, then im happy for no reason... like im happy because the clouds are out. just wanted to let these feelings out, thanks so much for being there.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/1/2006 6:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Ashley. Glad you found HW. Don't give up on therapy and meds. It takes time and meds need to be adjusted. You are young and have so much to live for -- you deserve to smile on the inside and not just on the outside. I think a lot of us could relate to what you've written. YOu are not alone but please do take care of yourelf.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 11/1/2006 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ashley, keep trying the meds and therapy. It can take awhile to find what will work for you. I just had an adjustment to my meds and hopefully they will help even more.
Come here and talk when you feel like it, there are people here who have been through the same stuff and it can make you feel better to know others are out there.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/2/2006 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ashley, Welcome to healing well forum we are very happy to have you join us here.  I can relate to what you have written.  I had a rough childhood and deal with a lot of abuse issues.  Sometimes for not reason at all I can be mad then it goes away, then I may be happy all of a sudden.  It is weird.  My brother on the other hand who also deals with the same abuse issues as me rages a lot.  He isnt as good at hiding his feelings and thoughts as I am. 
I never found thearpy useful either until about a year ago when I actually was ready to face what all I had inside of me.  I am 33 yrs old and it had been a long time of carrying around that hurt, anger, resentment, self hate and yes, even guilt...even though I know it wasnt my fault.  Even still I flip flop back and fourth...but it helps having someone who is objective, who doesnt judge you, and will give you ideas/suggestions on how to live with yourself now.  Counseling helped me as my feelings were validated and I was told it was okay for me to have those feelings. 
As for medication, it can be a rollercoaster for sure.  It can take a while to find one that works well for you.  It took me a while too and it is difficult and I did have that walking zombie feeling, but there are many medications out there that dont do that.  You have to stick to your treatment plan and be open to your doctor and be willing to work with them on getting better...if that is what you really want to do.
Please do feel free to continue to post here, this is a safe place and everyone is so supportive of each other.  We would love to hear more from you.  Take care :-)

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

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