I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. I have had to struggle with not being first or even second on my husband's priority list as well. Your situation seems worse than mine as far as the deterioration of the relationship goes. I've sought out counselling for my husband and I, and we have come through some of our rougher moments. We're currently going through another one but we're working at it. It's tough though. And it makes it hard to believe that things will ever be really good for an extended period of time. In your case, your boyfriend needs a serious wake up call. Just because you aren't married doesn't mean that you, and your kids, shouldn't be a priority on his list. And he should care about
what you think. If you don't want him going over there for a beer, than he should respect that. Once you get married or get into a committed relationship with kids, your "new" family becomes your number one commitment, not to say if mom or dad are on their death bed you'd forbid them from going to them or anything that extreme because obviously extended family is still important. And at times it's a struggle to choose betweent the two but in the daily running of life, your immediate family should be what's most important. And it is apparant that you are not and it's time for you to take some action. Sometimes giving the ultimatum or threat of leaving is enough to jar them into reality, sometimes they live their whole lives in a state of disillusion. I feel sorry for them. But not sorry enough to suggest you throw away the rest of your life on him. For your kids' sake and yours, you need to get yourself into a healthier environment. Whether you stand up for yourself and make the changes happen or leave. It's really tough. I know how tough it is. I am trying to make that decision too. But my husband is at least more committed to us than, from the sounds of things, yours is. And, y'know what, you shouldn't be ashamed of your body. It is beautiful. Perhaps not the beauty of a runway model, but it bears the marks of motherhood and they are beautiful. Do not be ashamed of them. Most of us don't look like runway models. I've put on a lot of weight in the last year or so and none of my clothes fit. Since having my daughter nearly three years ago, my body has been really distorted and it's taken some time to get used to it. None of my clothes fit and that's probably the most frustrating part. But I wouldn't change it for the world. My daughter is a precious gift and therefore so are the stretch marks!!!! It's all in how you look at things..... Do you have anyone you can talk to? A doctor? A support system? Family? It sounds like you really need some support. We are here for sure. But you need some physical support too. I hope everything works out for the best. Take care.
It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....