Hi Narutosis, Welcome to healing well forum and also to the depression board we are happy to have you posting here. I was wondering if you have ever gone to counseling or received any kind of treatment at all from your abusive past? I really think that this is going to be the best place to start and you and a thearpist can discuss the issues that are most bothersome for you and then form a treatment plan from there. It does take alot of work and dedication on your part and yes, some of those thoughts and feels may never go away...but with the help of thearpy you may be able to learn some skills to better deal with what has happened to you.
I can understand this as I too am a survivor of childhood molestation by my stepfather for many years. I am 33yrs old and always thought I could deal with what happened to me on my own. Fact of the matter was...I wasnt dealing with it at all which allowed my past to dominate my mind, actions, and relationships. I am in thearpy now and working on it but it is a slow process and painful bringing all that back up again but at the same time it is librating getting it out and telling someone who doesnt judge you and who knows that it wasnt your fault.