How do you contribute to life?

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indygirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 11/10/2006 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I turned 30 this past year, getting ready to turn 31 in January, & have found myself recently contemplating what my purpose in life is or how I am contributing to life (for all).

A little background on me...I tried the "college" thing (twice), after graduating high school but it did not work out. Instead, I began working administrative/clerical type positions with a number of different companies (Depression, Bi-Polar & relocating due to my husband's career caused the high number of jobs). All in all, it was good work for me & with the computer/organizational skills I possessed was a good fit.

At any rate, after this most recent relocation, my husband & I decided to put me going back to work "on hold". Also, we are trying to start a family (w/infertility issues). So, without a real job/career or college diploma, it is sometimes very hard to figure out what my purpose is...Is it just to be a great wife, Mom (hopefully soon), daugter, friend, etc...?! If so, I am totally happy & fine with that. I just need something to work for & have goals for.

Does anyone else wonder these things about themselves/your lives?!

P.S. I know, I know this will be great fodder for therapy.
DX: Clinical Depression-12/95 & Bi-Polar Disorder-10/03

RX: Wellbutrin XL-150 mg. & Abilify-5 mg.-11/06
Metformin ER 1500 mg. (Fertility)-04/06


poopiejoe
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/10/2006 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah   Yes, I contemplate lifes purpose alot. 31 is young. At 40 I still ask alot of questions. One thing that helps me the most, is helping someone else. Things seem to fall into place when I do that. Perhaps some "light" volunteer work would help you to feel good about yourself until stronger answers prevail? Good Luck and God Bless! Poopiejoe.

scaredycat
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 11/10/2006 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
yep, I know exactly how you feel, thus I am trying to find some sort of charity work to do that makes me feel "useful" it is hard when you don't know your place and try to find it but I think it is also this illness that makes us think this way as most people are able to just "live" and are content with it. We just need to keep searching until we find it. good luck to you, keep us posted as to how you are feeling, I am glad you finally found a good doctor, what is Abilify, I never heard of that.

take care of you,
scaredy

slowlygoingcrazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 11/10/2006 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
You could be taking the words right out of my mouth in some ways, except that some of the circumstances are a little different. I am 30 in February. I have two kids but I was 19 when I had my son. Since he was born my life has been run by the needs of my family and the natural ebss and tides of life. I have tried to go back to school but without success, mainly because of financial reasons. I want to start my own business but once again financial reasons have forced me to put that on hold. I often feel like my life is at the mercy of every one elses. And unlike you, I work in a clerical position and I hate it!!!!! With a passion!!!! It's not a natural thing for me. I am a very creative person and I find clerical work drains all my creativity. Anyways, my point is (I'm not really sure I had one, but I'll try!!!) that I have been struggling with the same question(s) as you. Is being a mom and wife all there is to the purpose of my life and should I just be happy with that? Problem is even if the answer to that question is yes, I am not happy with it. And I do do charity work. In the last two years I've raised nearly $3,500 for Breast Cancer, and I have another fundraiser planned for next year. I love fundraising work but when you don't have the time to commit to it, it's very hard. And I guess that's where my problem lies, I feel like I spend the majority of my life being the servant of others, and very little of my life looking after my own needs, and if I do, I feel guilty for it... The question is where do you draw the line between your needs and theirs? Who knows, it's different for everybody. I just know that had I been given the choice, I'd have drawn the line much further out from me and there'd have been more room for my choices and my needs along the way, but as it was, that choice was ripped from me when I was 18/19 by a careless ***hole who couldn't keep his sexual desires under control..... Sorry, did that sound angry at all to you!!!!! Even ten years later I still feel a lot of anger over that one. Unfortunately it's an angry emotion that conflicts with the fact that I love my son dearly and wouldn't give him up for anything now. So should I be thankful to "him" or continue to be angry? I'm still looking for that answer. Anyways, I got off on a tangent there.

Fundraising and charity work can definitely help. But it sounds like you've lived a good life up til this point and have few/no regrets, and that if you started a family now and committed yourself to that, you'd be able to live with it. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!

slowlygoingcrazy
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....


karlo
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 11/11/2006 5:06 AM (GMT -7)   
   i do feel the same way indygirl. in fact the major reason why i am depress is because i feel like i'm a useless piece of crap! i know, i'm kinda hard to myself but that's the truth though. i'm 31 and with nothing really. i feel alone, bored and basically living with no purpose at all. it sucks a lot, i'm as good as dead you know. i do sometimes wish i am dead, and it's not good and i know that but that's just reality. i do wish i can get out from this life that i have right now... good luck to you and all the best!!!


indygirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 11/12/2006 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your input & advice. I am definitely giving the volunteering/charity work consideration. I am also contemplating taking a college course of some sorts to help maybe figure out what it is I want to do. In the past, my major was going to be Elementary Education. I am also thinking that I may try to get a part-time/temp job after the holidays (for some structure/routine, to help meet some more people & make some extra spending money). Also part-time/temp may be good in case I do become pregnant....I should be saying "when" I (we...whatever) get pregnant.

Slowlygoingcrazy-I hope that you find peace & can move past how your son was conceived. You made a totally brave decision & you need to give yourself a lot of credit for that. He is yours...1/2 of you & you gave 9 months of your life/body to give him life. We are having fertility issues right now, so please feel blessed that you were able to have children. I would definitely try to give yourself some more time for you. Even if it's a 20 minute bath or a phone call to a friend. You deserve it. If there is any way you could work out maybe just take one class or something, that may help you as well. Best of luck & let me know if/when you ever need to talk.

Scaredycat-Abilify is an antipsychotic used to treat Bi-Polar (which I suffer from in addition to Clinical Depression).

Thanks again for each & every one of your posts. I sincerely appreciate it.

Take Care.
DX: Clinical Depression-12/95 & Bi-Polar Disorder-10/03

RX: Wellbutrin XL-150 mg. & Abilify-5 mg.-11/06
Metformin ER 1500 mg. (Fertility)-04/06


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 11/12/2006 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been totally lost one "What I want to be when I grow up". The sad thing is I'm 37, only done high school, have three kids a wonderful husband, but feel totally worthless. I have done NOTHING with my life. I've been a stay at home mom for 15 years and can't even seem to keep my house clean. Sad.
I did get a part time job about a month ago, just doing the grocery clerk thing, four days a week, four or five hours a day. It's not much, but I was in such a bad state I had to get out and do something, anything.
I don't plan on doing this forever, but I just don't know what to do, ya know.

Joan M
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1975
   Posted 11/13/2006 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I am 61 years old and break my life into three sections, one was pretty bad coming from a dysfunctional family, two was great with the wonderful hubby but no kids, three is now and I do a lot of volunteer work and study and am busy but feel unhappy and lost. I miss my husband very much. My physical health (pain/asthma/ibs/hypertension and maybe reflux) is not that great either and that adds to my problems.

best of luck to everybody.
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