Thank you for your response. I know its been awhile since I posted.
The situation is that I work with this person. No one knows what happened for obvious reasons. So in that respect its difficult to stay far away from this person. I realize that I dont have any romantic interest in this person because he would make me miserable , but at one point I really wanted to be friends. I hated how mean and angry he was and I still have alot anger built up towards him (okay some may be from issues stemming from long ago) Because of how "unavailable" this person was I told him that I thought it was best that we not be friends. I could not continue to help him and get nothing in return. I really thought he would be relieved as he does not seem to show interest in being a friend. He freaked out. He kept telling me "tell me that you hate me and get it over with". I told him that I dont hate him. I just need some time. He said Im either his friend or his enemy there was no inbetween. I was surprised he was upset because I thought he did not want to be friends. Why would he act like this.
After a couple of weeks we started talking (at work) again. I told him that lets not make this harder than it is. Its what it was and it was meaningless. Those were his words months ago (He made it clear several times when we were fighting that he had no interest in dating me and that it was just sex and that the only regret he had was that he lost his relationship over it). His relationship was over long before we started fooling around. Also Whenever I point out that something nice that I did for him, he makes the statement " I never asked for that".
A few days ago I was doing email at work and was a bit upset about something that had nothing to do with him. He asked me about what was going on and I told him that I did not feel comfortable talking to him about it. He said to me "you really dont talk to me anymore". I have made it clear that that if we are to be friends, he would have to meet me half way and apologize for how he treated me.
I know he will never be anything good for me, but seeing him everyday makes it hard. I still think about him and when he talks about his plans for weekend or a woman etc. I get a physical reaction. I cant stand the way he acts most of the time, he says innappropriate things and is very immature for his age. I even hate watching him eat. He is 27 and acts like he is 21. He gets angry all the time (not just with me) about things. I cant imagine if something really bad happened how he would react. He always had back pain, or does not feel good, has to go to the doctor etc. For someone so young he has alot of physical ailments. I used to feel sorry for him and go out of my way to help him but now I try to just blow it off. At work he is cocky and sarcastic especially in a group setting, but if there is ever a moment alone with me (like in an office or conference room) he acts sad about something, complains about not feeling good or is upset. He still asks my opinion on work related topics alot. (he is not very good at his job and has little respect from others we work with)
I cant stand him most of the time, but dont know how to shake him. I do things to keep myself busy but being divorced and no family here, my social life is not always full of excitement. My best friend moved away (job) and I have a few other friends, but most of my friends were couple friends. I made a decision next year to move closer to family (have to sell house and settle some financial things with divorce first). But in the meantime I dont know how to shake this guy from my head.
I used to love talking to him and felt comfortable telling him anything but sleeping together has ruined everything. I dont know how to let that part go. I dont think he does either. I have talked to my therapist about him of course. She basically reminds me of how wrong he is for me and how I deserve so much better etc. and points out ways to make myself think that.
Am I crazy? Why do I feel the need to comfort this guy or feel sorry for him. Why do I want to go out of my way for him and then get mad when he doesnt return the favor to me. If he does not care about me why did he freak out when I told him I did not think we could be friends. I dont get it.
Sorry for long post. Thanks for listening. Writing this down always helps.