Am i now showing signs of loosing it?

Am I going too far?
8
Yes - 88.9%
0
No - 0.0%
1
Not far enough - 11.1%

 
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thecodeis
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/20/2006 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey all,
 
I was dumped by Emily about 5 weeks ago but i don't think im dealing with it well. She's made it very clear she doesn't want me to contact her anymore, but im leaving video messages on youtube for her, probably in vain, so that at least she can anonymously see what im up to. Am I loosing it? Take a look if you like and hudge for yourselves (dont mind as my face is covered).
 
 
Simon

Brenda M
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 54
   Posted 11/20/2006 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
sorry simon but yeah i personally think youre taking it a weee bit to far...maybe its the elephant, i dont know. it seems like if you wanted her to take you seriously that if you didnt want to show your face you would have filmed you in shadow or some other form that wasnt this big joke of a mask.. you have to look at this from her side as well... do you think she wants to see a elephant that cant stay on...?  no if you want to try to get her back then its got to be YOU who does the talking ok... sorry if this was harsh but i could only stand to watch 2 of the 9. i dont know you and they annoyed ME and if she broke up with you then they must drive her crazy...what im trying to say is lose the mask and just be yourself...even if that means you sitting in the shadows.. she will be more inclined to listen to what you have to say.
                                          good luck to you and may you find happiness
                                                                    brenda

Nicky (coquitlam55)
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 11/20/2006 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello,

I am sorry that you're sad about your break up with Emily. It is natural to be sad and feel lonely when a relationship ends.

You mentioned that Emily has made it clear she doesn't want to be contacted. Respect her request and end your pain faster by moving on. Stop trying to contact her with your youtube messages. Assume she isn't watching them and it's time to start living your life for yourself.

Do you have a support group you can turn to? Parents, siblings, friends? Can you go out with them after work or on the weekends? Can you call them instead of making videos? Do you have another hobby that you haven't practiced in a while? What can you do in your spare time that doesn't involve Emily? 

What can you do for a while that will take your mind off Emily while you heal from the hurt of breaking up? I think that you need to accept that it's over and move on, you're only prolonging your hurt by refusing to accept it's over and leaving her messages.

You've found this forum, use it to vent how you are feeling and talk to others who know how you feel. If you don't start to feel better soon, perhaps you might consider finding a therapist who can help you.

Best wishes.


Nicky
Co-moderator Migraine Forum
 
I'm working everyday to overcome the pain and depression that comes from my chronic resistant migraines.
 
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/21/2006 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Simon,
I am having a hard time here,first I disagree and agree with what alot of the members are saying.
I understand why you would not want to show your face,that is a no brainer..
I also agree with the moving on...BUT
I am thinking about my current relationship,and if I lost him I think I would do everything I can to at least let him know how sorry I am,and how much I love him.
People need to understand that love only comes once to most people,and it is very hard to find,and harder to keep alive.
Now,here are some questions you need to ask yourself. You are miserable right now,but the breakup happened for a reason. Is that reason something that you and Emily could get past? Is it something that won't haunt you for the rest of your lives?
Will you be able to trust each other? And will you be able to look at each other and not think about the reason/reasons you broke up?
Don't put yourself in a position where the relationship is unhealthy. Don't put her in a position where she is coming back to you because you overwhelmed her with trying to get her back,but she still can't forgive you,and is miserable. That will not be healthy for either of you.
I think you have given it your all with the messages. If she has not contacted you within a week or so,I would lay low. If she comes back to you Simon,then she is ready. If not,then as the old saying goes,set her free and learn to live life without her.
I am no expert on love/relationships. But,I do know now how it feels to be in love...so I am hoping things work out for you,either with Emily or without her.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/21/2006 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Simon, Welcome to healing well forum, we are happy to have you.  I am very sorry about your break-up, I understand it is very difficult and even more so when you wish so much to change things.  I believe you have received some very sound advice/suggestions from our members thus far.  Personally, I dont feel comfortable commenting too much on your situation as I dont know what has brought about your break-up and the circumstances of your relationship. 

What I can tell you from my own experiance is when I seperated from my husband we went through a period where we were not speaking for several months.  He put pictures from our wedding on his web site and left messages for me on there also.  I was upset by this as any and everyone could see this and know our business.  Lucky for him I didnt know he had done this until after the fact...his attorney advised him to take them down and I never saw any of it...but just knowing he had done it was enough.

What you decide to do is always your business but, I would think if your wanting to say your sorry for something or asking Emily not to hate you for whatever reason it would be better received if you wrote her a letter and sent her some flowers or something of that nature instead of putting it on the internet.  But this is just my opinion...


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


bluemeanies
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 11/21/2006 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry you are having a hard time with the break up. I have learned that it really does not matter how you feel about someone, it matters how they feel about you. What I mean is you can be soooooo in love with someone and they may not feel a thing for you so there will not be a relationship. A relationship takes two people feeling the same way, if not it is unfair to the one in love. You do not need to be in a relationship to have a good life.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/21/2006 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Simon, I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. How long ago did you break up? My advice (from a woman) is that the single most important thing you can do is RESPECT HER WISHES. How else can she believe any of the "other" promises that you make? Please think about this. I don't know your circumstances but a healthy woman needs a certain amount of space. It is possible that you are smothering her right now. I know that hurts to hear but a fire needs air to breathe - to grow bigger. One simple letter to her explaining how you feel and what you would be willing to do to improve the relationship is enough. It is cliche but "if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it is yours, if it does not, it never was. Please simon post here about your heartache and consequent depression. Losing a love can be unbearable. I know! Don't isolate yourself but please don't put all of your eggs in one basket either -- her. We are here for you.
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."
 
"The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground."
 
"You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven."


thecodeis
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/22/2006 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
This has all been a great help. Brenda, Nicky, ShynSassy, Elisha, Bluemeanies and Hopefulmigrainer, I never expected this much help and advice and I am so so grateful. I agree that the elephant mask is too much but i needed some sort of visual representation. I'm gonna perhaps chill out for a b it now. Thanks guys + gals xx

thecodeis
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/24/2006 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Still thinking of doing more though......

My latest is more of a montage/farewell to video posting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HMui15NbJ8

Supposed to be closure but all i can think of is more ideas that Emily would probably find both informative and sincere.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/24/2006 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Simon - the video is SAD, I must admit. It is obvious that you are hurting but like I said a "healthy" woman is not going to respond to this. Please respect her wishes. You are likely just pushing her further and further away with these videos. Why not talk to a psychologist about your grief? Obviously 9 videos later and she has not responded. It's not working my friend. You are in the first stage of grief - disbelief. Why not go to a counselor now and let you help you go through the remaining three stages...anger, acceptance, forgiveness.
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."
 
"The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground."
 
"You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven."


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/25/2006 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Simon, I am total agreement with hopeful here....you are not doing yourself any favors by hanging on this way.  Please do seek help...

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


thecodeis
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 12/6/2006 11:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I tried to follow the good advice I had been recieving but unfortunately I wasn't able to think of anything else to do a video on just for myself. So again I made Emily a video - and again I get no response. I end up in tears in this one but left it in as I thought her seeing this may help matters. Should I keep with the sympathy vote or be more strong and assertive (in a 'look what you're missing' sort-of-way)?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBPlIxNO52w

Kind Regards,
Simon

josey
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 117
   Posted Yesterday 1:40 AM (GMT -7)   
first off simon, your going to far, get over it, shes done, and you seem like a sweet guy, so go find someone elce, trust me there are tons of girls out there who want a guy like you. i think if anything you just looked desperate, and girl likes the chase, if yuo were seen with a hot girl, shes probly want you more than you making tape after tape, and the bras on the turntable? not a cool thing to do, what if her mom or dad saw that? shed probly be embaressed, but dont feel bad, use the energy your putting into seeing her, into finding someone elce for you, and there is someone elce out there. if you love her and respect her as much as you seem to, respect the fact that no matter what you ever do, shes not happy with you for whatever reason (that probably doesnt have anything to do with you, its just her own trip), so just let her go and be happy, let her have a great stress free life and honor her memory that way, instead of trying to hurt her more, because weather you want to or not, your probably stressing her out and making her feel bad because she probably cares deeply for you too, just differently now.  so let her live her life herself, and let her have ahappy life, and if you do that, im sure youll see, itll make your life happyer as well 
well good luck :)
2nd:

~~~~~~TO NICKY (COQUITLAM..)
i was just noticing the name you have beside there, and i used to live in coquitlam, in BC, do you mean coquitlam the city?

Post Edited (josey) : 12/7/2006 1:44:57 AM (GMT-7)


thecodeis
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 12/21/2006 4:22 AM (GMT -7)   

As its Christmas I've been making a few videos everyday now. I delete most of them including the ones where my face is shown. I found out Emily wanted our teddy, Huxtable back but didn't even ask about me. I was so angry (and still am) I made a spiteful video where basically I punch the teddy. After I made it I cried for two hours

 

Here's another where I achieve some mathematical proof that my madness is justified because it is

 

Appreciate your advice/input

Simon

Simon, I have edited your post due to forum several rules. One being language and violance of your first link.  The second being that you posted your last name which if you want people to know who you are is your business is but as to your ex-girlfriend Emily it is not right to post her last name on this forum in a link or otherwise that would open us up to possible liable.  Thank you ~ Elisha


 

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 12/21/2006 6:27:20 AM (GMT-7)


1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/23/2006 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Simon.

I am sorry you are suffering. Break-ups are awful. I have been though 2 divorces and it seems in some ways death is easier to deal with.

For your mental health.......let it go. Acceptance is healing. You cannot change the way she feels.... their is nothing that we can do to change another person. Their change has to come from within.

God Bless
Levonne

Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder, PTSD, Degenerative Disc Disease (post 3 Surgeries including Fusion), Advanced Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD, Larngopharyngeal Reflux 

God, Please Grant Me,

The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The Courage to change the things that I can,

and The Wisdom to know the difference……….Just for Today

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