i feel hopeless and lonely

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angelwings
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 11/23/2006 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
 So I've been on a few meds over the past couple years.  I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  I was on paxil for 3 years and did great.  but went off of it due to weight gain.  Then I tried lexapro and it caused the opposite reaction I needed.  It wasn't working and all the docs kept telling me to take more.  Well I ended up in the hospital for 8 days because I had a panic attack that I couldn't calm down from.  So I went on effexor and felt better but got a slight rash.  I saw another psych and they said it was probably an allergic reaction so they put me back on paxil.  So I was on Paxil for over a year and after loosing a job I had that I really worked hard for and then 3 days my grandfather passed away and the depression began.  The docs just kept raising my paxil and along with it went my weight.  So now I was even more depressed because of all the weight gain.  So I tried wellbutrin and it made me feel too jittery.  So I've been on Cymbalta for the past 2 months.  I lost some weight but feel worse.  I cry like every day.  The littlest things upset me.  And I've just recently realized that I never get angry.  I just cry and blame myself for everything.  So I just went to see a new pysch and he said for me to up the cymbalta from 60mg to 90mg.  Um its not working!  What do I do now??  I was thinking of just putting myself back on effexor.  I mean doctors don't seem to help me at all.  I hated having anxiety but not i don't really have anxiety but now I'm dealing with major depression.  I need help and I feel like no one will help me or cant

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/23/2006 10:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi angelwings and welcome to HW :)
After reading your posting I was just wondering if you have been to some form of counselling?
The pills we take can only smooth over the emotions we have pent up inside...they are still there and need to be let out so we can work towards feeling better.
Your meds situation is a bit of a mess..what is happening that makes you sure the are not working? And how long have you been on the last ones - do you think that you have given them a chance to work?
I am sure you will find people here only too willing to help you.

Maree

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/23/2006 11:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Angelwings, Maree has given you good advice here. You are the customer (patient) and you need to ask questions about your condition/meds. Are you in regular counseling? I agree that it is important to do both. Their is a site that people like. It is www.mymoodgym.com. Maybe it will help you. Oh, and, I know what you mean about the weight gain. I have gained too much weight on SSRI's. I believe that they increase my appetite and cravings for sweets/carbs. People say "don't worry about it" but my budget and my vanity can't handle the side effect. Of course, please do not "not" take your meds for this reason. The truth is your mental health is of the much more important than your appearance. It also has a way of forcing us to exercise more -- which is a good thing. Please don't feel hopeless. Just take one day at a time and if necessary one hour at a time. Look for the light and if you feel inclined, recite this wonderful affirmation "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."
 
"The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground."
 
"You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven."


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/26/2006 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Angelwings, I wanted to welcome you to healing well also, I am sorry it is alittle late eyes .  First, dont take any medication that isnt prescribed to you by your physician.  Even though the Effexor helped and gave you a rash...your on a differant dosage of meds now and to take the Effexor you have on hand when it isnt prescribed can be very dangerous.  Second, call your doctor and ask for an appointment.  You need to tell them all the things you just posted here.  It seems that they are just relying on these few medications when there are so many others that are available for you to try.  You need to step up and speak out that the meds are not working and what your symptoms are...if the increases upon a few weeks time are not effective then it is time to ween off of that med and try something else.  As hopeful stated in her post "you are the customer" your doctor needs to work for you, not the other way around.

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


greyhound
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 11/26/2006 11:18 AM (GMT -7)   
You will be in my prayers. God bless.
Adopt a retired racing greyhound


CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 11/26/2006 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Angelwings,
 
Welcome to the boards.  I agree with ELS that you should see you doctor again.  Perhaps you need a "cocktail" of medications.  Often, two or three medications can give you the desired effect, and counteract negative side effects.  I personally take Cymbalt(90mg), Keppra (1500mg), and Wellbutrin(300mg). 
 
I'm not very energetic, because of debilitating migraine headaches, a bad back, bad knees, and I've been diagnosed with chronic depression, panic and anxiety disorder.  Even with my current meds, I know I'm depressed, and have the most all the symptoms.   My shrink gives me a drepression test every so often to see if I'm getting any better.  According to the test, I haven't made any progress in years.  Personally, I don't think it's a very good test.  There never seems to be anwers that fit me.  I just have to pick whatever is closest.
 
I pretty much don't have any highs or lows, except when I'm really in pain.  I'm basicially just flat.  I rarely cry (I did cry watching General Hospital the other day) and when I'm really in pain, but otherwise, I just don't do the waterworks.  I rarely enjoy myself, its pretty limited to a doll Convention I go to every year for a long weekend.  We keep in touch via a messsage board, and then somebody hosts the Convention is whatever city they live in.  So far, I've been to Altlanta, Chicago, Seattle, and West Palm Beach.  We didn't have one last year.  It was due to be in New Orleans, but Hurricane Katrina killed that one off.  This year we were in Rochester, NY.  Next year, we're going to New Orleans, after hurricane season! 
 
These conventions are literally the only thing I look forward to.  We have a reception the first night, then end up getting smashed in the bar.  I never drink because of my meds, but I make an exception for the convention.  I didn't realize how much drunker you get on the meds.  I was drinking double white russians, faster than the the alcohol was catching up with me.  I ended up with a brand new drink when everyone else was giving up and going back to their rooms.  I proceeded to go watch some sports on the bar TV and ended up talking to this really nice fireman, who was a total HOTTIE!!! 
 
I dropped something and when I bent down to get it and cracked my head squarely on the bar.  I dropped like a stone.  I must have land on my knee, 'cuz the next morning I had a bruise on my knee cap the size of a baseball.  It took two or three people to pick me back up, 'cuz I had bruises all over my body in the shape of fingers.  I must have given myself a concussion, 'cuz I don't remember the next half hour or so.  I was trashed, and my now amorous fireman help walk me back to my room, which was a good thing, 'cuz I had a long walk back, and I never would have made it without him.  Apparently, I saw some of my buddies and had a conversation with them, but I have no recollection of it.  Next thing I know, I'm getting prank phone calls, telling me that there's an emergency fire drill, and I must report to the lobby immediately.  What a hoot! 
 
I looked like a Klingon the next morning with a big bump on my forehead.  I could not figure out how anyone knew that my fireman walked me back to my room.  People were making kind of veiled jokes with me all day, and nobody would tell me how they knew about the fireman.  It took me all day to finally get someone to fess up that they had seen me on the way back to my room and that I had pointed out my fireman.  I still have no recollection of that conversation.  That night we had a costume banquet and I had a long blonde wig on.  Everbody said I should be a blonde.  My fireman even came back to the bar to see me!  Needless to say, I had a blast.
 
I have no friends here in my hometown, so I live vicariously through my convention buddies.  It gives me something to look forward to every year.  That's pretty much the only thing that keeps me going.  The two friends I had when I moved back home, after getting divorced, soon decided that they didn't want anything to do with me, because I had too many health problems to deal with, and they didn't have time to deal with me.  Boy, that was a low point for me.  I even bought one of them a really nice birthday gift in October, and I didn't even get a thank-you note.  Just totally blown off.  If it weren't for my parents and my cats, I would be totally alone, which is really depressing.
 
I guess I'll shut up now, since I've gotten way off topic.  Anyway, I hope you can find a combination of meds that will work for you.  I find that being flat is better than cycling up and down.
 
Let us know how you are doing,
Leigh Ann cool

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett

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