Hi rainey, Welcome to healing well forum, we are happy to have you and so glad that you have reached out here. I know it takes a lot of courage to do so and you have taken a huge step in finding support. I am also glad that ShynSassy has posted to you of her experience. I too was in a verbially & emotionally abusive relationship for along time. My ex-husband never hit me but his words hit me just as hard as if he had. He tore down my self esteem, confidence, and personal beliefs little by little each and every day. He separated me from my family and friends and tried to twist things to where I was the bad one and making him does these things and they were my fault or choices. I was with him for 12 yrs and married to him for 5 yrs...like Shy, I don’t know where the strength came from but one day he pushed too far and I had enough. I made arrangements to put my stuff in storage (behind his back) and told him I was leaving; I took what I could in one day and was gone.
You deal with the abuse because you think that the person is going to change or that it is really your fault for whatever has happened. You love them and don’t want to leave them and waste all the time you have invested into that relationship or maybe don’t want others to know what is happening in your home. But the fact of the matter is that after a while and this takes longer for some people that it does for others it builds up and you can’t keep taking it, they are not going to change. That relationship is toxic to you and you can’t survive in it. Please get help in anyway you can. He doesn’t have to go to counseling with you but you can start on your own and hopefully through counseling you can start to rebuild your self confidence and self esteem enough to where you can say "I am not going to take this from you any longer" and you can either force him to get help or walk away.
I am going to leave you some links on abuse below so you can read up on it and please do know that you can always come here for support. We are always here for you so please do keep posting. Take care
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Post Edited (els) : 12/2/2006 8:42:00 AM (GMT-7)