No ability to have friendships and relationships

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Nolife
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 12/4/2006 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
I am 40years old and seem to have spent most of life being hurt by friends and family.  All I ever wanted to feel was considered and be part of another's life, but I only find myself on a merry go round and never getting off.  Even as child I don't believe I had true friendships, even after school I no longer saw class members except one girl who I considered a best friend dumped me when she found a boy friend.   I then spent my twenties alone and just working and playing tennis.   I moved away overseas in my thirties and again was alone,  I would meet people who then would go back to their own countries never to hear of them again.
 
Another girl I thought was a friend constantly hurt me and this year I just decided never to contact her again.
 
I answered classified adds only to find the guys were unhappily married and not willing to commit to a friendship.
 
Why is it too much in life today to ask another "please consider me"?  It seems most people think of themselves and in deep down just have their own agenda with no thought for the other.
 
I am just so sick of it now, I have tried and I only seem to face the same obstacles.  I do not have any real friends here, I am not someone who drinks or goes to clubs so I will never meet someone with common interests.
 
I am not sure anymore if I can ever make another effort, it hurts too much now and all I do is cry myself to sleep.  Trying to reach out for something that is just not there.  All I can think about now is that the only person in the world who I can relate to and accepts me is my Mother who is now very elderly, and who knows how much longer she will live and once she is gone I will have no one.
 
Sometimes I wish there was an easy way to just end things.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 12/4/2006 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Nolife, Welcome to healing well forum we are happy to have you.  There is never an easy way to "end things" and please don’t think that.  I am wondering if you have tried some counseling.  It seems that you are looking for self reassurance in others when you need to find it from within.  It is difficult being alone, but you have to be comfortable with yourself and confident with what you can bring to a relationship no matter if it is a friendship or more of a personal relationship.  Counseling will help you find that balance.  Also you mention going to bars and I too don’t believe that that is a good place to find lasting relationships but how about finding and joining some community activities like helping with the Samaritan Center, or local soup kitchens or maybe joining a church if you’re comfortable with that.  These are excellent ways to meet people and also then you know or at least hope that their values are similar to yours.

Please do feel free to continue to post here; this is a great place for information and support.  :-)


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Nolife
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 12/5/2006 5:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Elisha

Thank you for your reply.  I've tried psycotherapy in the past for quite a number of years, 2 different therapists and all I got from those sessions was bitterness.   It was too expensive to continue.

I've tried all sorts of things, even activities you mentioned including going to a church. Again, I tried a couple of places here but unfortunately I found people were too aggressive.  If you didn't embrace their ideology with the same passion as they did they would become critical of you and bump you off.  I've even joined book clubs and joined dance clubs but where I live friendships are just supeficial.

Living such a life is too exhausting for me now.  Making so much effort and not getting anything back.  I'm not living a life at all, there is no life in me now and I don't what I am doing here.  My only companion is the shops and 2 little toys I've had hanging on since I was a child.

I'm at the stage now that I attribute people with hurt and misery and I don't think I can ever find a way to deal with any kind of friendship or relationship anymore.  I just don't like people anymore.

I feel that no one really understands.


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 12/5/2006 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   

I am really sorry that you feel that way. 

From my own experience, I will tell you that I was severally abused as a child (sexually & physically) by my stepfather for many yrs.  I have depression, anxiety/panic disorder with post traumatic stress from that.  I went on to earn my Bachelor’s in Psychology and worked in the mental health field for many years and saw first hand how terrible and vicious some people can be to one another.  However, after all this I still believe that there are good people in this world.  People who work hard everyday to give pieces of themselves to others and never ask for anything in return.  People who don’t hurt others with malaise and forethought.  This is just how I feel...

I understand that therapy is expensive and there are many who cant afford it.  If you really think that you are depressed or know that you have depression perhaps you can speak with your primary care physician about prescribing an antidepressant for you.  Even if the medication themselves are too expensive doctors are able to give samples and the drug companies have set up prescription drug assistance to help cover costs for those that cant afford the high co-payments.  Please do look into this.  It is so easy to become jaded when your depressed, I have been there myself when I have been in that dark hole of depression and it is a hard way to climb out of by yourself.

We are always here for you if you need someone to talk to so please feel free to keep posting...I care :-)


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Beyond
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/5/2006 6:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I care too.
 
Friendship doesn't come easilly specially when we got hurt by a friend. Trust is not there anymore but sadness and disapointment is.
 
Hope you keep on talking here. It does help to share.
Take good care of yourself.
 
Beyond
 
 
 
 

Nolife
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 12/6/2006 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I think I've been in the dark hole of depression myself since I was a child. It seems many people are prescribed medicine for depression. I'm worried about taking it because I'm a diabetic and take a tablet every day. I know that when you're already on one medication it's not good to mix.

I seem to constantly get hurt from people. I'll go for months, sometimes years on my own and then decide and put some trust in the universe only to find myself back in a rut again. The same thing happened again this. I decided to answer a classified from a guy around my age. We met up and then I find he is unhappily married and has 2 children. He told me at the time that they lead very separate lives. I thought at first maybe I could try but as time went by I discovered he could not commit properly as he could not let his wife know what he was doing. He expected me to be on call whenever he was available to meet and then he didn't understand why I got angry because he didn't consider my feelings at all. Well that has been taking a while to end that so called friendship and it finally ended on the weekend and so now I'm so hurt again.

I just don't think I can recover anymore.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 12/6/2006 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi
 
I just wanted to welcome you to the healing well forum.
I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.  I would talk to your doctor about your worries about antidepressants.  I think it would be ok to take them with your other medication but he/she will advise you if there are any problems with mixing medications.  I'm sure there are many people who are diabetic and suffer with depression.
 
Please post anytime, we are always here to listen and help when we can.
 
Take care
 
Victoria
 
Co~Moderator: Depression Forum

Contact me at victoria@healingwell.net

Meds: Effexor (Venlafaxine) 225mg, Lorazepam 0.5mg, Prednisilone 5mg, lactulose 20ml, Mebeverine 30mg.


Nolife
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted Yesterday 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks for all of your support.

I don't feel comfotable at all taking medication. I don't know how it can make the problem better. I'm just victim to others bad behaviour and I have no way of ever controlling when that might happen again.

I used to just get more focused with my job once, but nowadays that's become exhausting with people not doing what they should and those who can't do their job of which I have no control, but it certainly doesn't motivate me at all.

There doesn't seem to be anything left to give me even the slightest pleasure.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted Yesterday 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Medication doesn't take away all of your problems but it does help to lifet your mood to help you to cope better.  Since I have been taking effexor, my mood and my anxiety have improved so much that I am actually enjoying things again and laughing.
 
The medication hasn't taken away the cause of my depression but now that I am doing better from the medication I am in the right frame of mind to deal with things.
 
I think you should really consider a visit to your doctor.  I was in that dark hole and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel eventually with help.
 
You can get better from this but sometime you just need a bit of help to do so.
 
Take care
Victoria
 
Co~Moderator: Depression Forum

Contact me at victoria@healingwell.net

Meds: Effexor (Venlafaxine) 225mg, Lorazepam 0.5mg, Prednisilone 5mg, lactulose 20ml, Mebeverine 30mg.


Nolife
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 12/10/2006 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I've tried not to live as a victim, I get out and about on my own, I do things on my own. I've tried different avenues and nothing has worked for me, I end facing the same situation with people. I live in Japan and people, both Japanese and non-Japanese are not sensitive to others, people seem to be out there to satisfy their own agenda.

I don't believe that if I took medication it would make my situation any better. My diabetes is very stable and I don't necessarily need to take the tablet but I do because it helps control my balance, I found when I stopped it for 2 months I kept falling down, and it's better to take it as precautionary measure as if I ever get to old age I don't want to have medical complications.

I'm not sure why I came on to this website, maybe just to vent as I have no one to really talk to. Counselling is too expensive for me and I've tried it twice before and got no benefit from it. In fact it made me worse.

Every day goes by and I just wish I never wake up. I have tried to help myself but there seems like there is no hope for me anymore.
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