Hi Nolife, Welcome to healing well forum we are happy to have you. There is never an easy way to "end things" and please don’t think that. I am wondering if you have tried some counseling. It seems that you are looking for self reassurance in others when you need to find it from within. It is difficult being alone, but you have to be comfortable with yourself and confident with what you can bring to a relationship no matter if it is a friendship or more of a personal relationship. Counseling will help you find that balance. Also you mention going to bars and I too don’t believe that that is a good place to find lasting relationships but how about finding and joining some community activities like helping with the Samaritan Center, or local soup kitchens or maybe joining a church if you’re comfortable with that. These are excellent ways to meet people and also then you know or at least hope that their values are similar to yours.
Please do feel free to continue to post here; this is a great place for information and support.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Thank you for your reply. I've tried psycotherapy in the past for quite a number of years, 2 different therapists and all I got from those sessions was bitterness. It was too expensive to continue.
I've tried all sorts of things, even activities you mentioned including going to a church. Again, I tried a couple of places here but unfortunately I found people were too aggressive. If you didn't embrace their ideology with the same passion as they did they would become critical of you and bump you off. I've even joined book clubs and joined dance clubs but where I live friendships are just supeficial.
Living such a life is too exhausting for me now. Making so much effort and not getting anything back. I'm not living a life at all, there is no life in me now and I don't what I am doing here. My only companion is the shops and 2 little toys I've had hanging on since I was a child.
I'm at the stage now that I attribute people with hurt and misery and I don't think I can ever find a way to deal with any kind of friendship or relationship anymore. I just don't like people anymore.
I feel that no one really understands.
I am really sorry that you feel that way.
From my own experience, I will tell you that I was severally abused as a child (sexually & physically) by my stepfather for many yrs. I have depression, anxiety/panic disorder with post traumatic stress from that. I went on to earn my Bachelor’s in Psychology and worked in the mental health field for many years and saw first hand how terrible and vicious some people can be to one another. However, after all this I still believe that there are good people in this world. People who work hard everyday to give pieces of themselves to others and never ask for anything in return. People who don’t hurt others with malaise and forethought. This is just how I feel...
I understand that therapy is expensive and there are many who cant afford it. If you really think that you are depressed or know that you have depression perhaps you can speak with your primary care physician about prescribing an antidepressant for you. Even if the medication themselves are too expensive doctors are able to give samples and the drug companies have set up prescription drug assistance to help cover costs for those that cant afford the high co-payments. Please do look into this. It is so easy to become jaded when your depressed, I have been there myself when I have been in that dark hole of depression and it is a hard way to climb out of by yourself.
We are always here for you if you need someone to talk to so please feel free to keep posting...I care
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