i feel like I am broken

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

wenmarie
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 12/4/2006 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
i have not posted in a while... and i will try and keep it short.  I suffer from anxiety, depression and migranes.  I take zoloft 100mg, buspar, klonopin, daily and imitrex, midrin and relpax as needed for migranes.  I was doing ok for about six months and just at the snap of a finger it feels like my life has fallen apart.  I sleep about 12 hours a night and nap during the day.  In the past three years i have lost 3 family members to cancer, and just found out that another is at the end stage of cancer.  I am just a wreck.  This news just added to my downward spirial of emotions i was already having.  I have two young children and the schedule i am keeping is just not working for me as a mother.  My oldest daughter is adhd and I just found out she has hearing loss, and is going to need hearing aids. I had twelve appointments alone last month just for her. I have not had time for me, no time to seek help for me.  I know as a mother you have to put your children first but how do you do that when you are not well yourself. I feel broken. I do not know how to fix myself.  Someone please help.  I have tried outpaitent treatment in the past but that just seemed like a short term answer to a long term problem and I am scared to try again.  Suggestions please...
 
 


AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 12/4/2006 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I too suffer from Depression/anxiety and migraines. THat is not an easy life just being alone, but when it involves taking care of your family too, I can imagine it gets really hard.
My first thought when I saw your post is, Its seems that when I am broken, I can finally see where to begin to put my self back together.
Do you have any kind of support system? You need someone to talk to, to just sit with. I know its hard and I still can't do it myself, but go to bed and the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning. For me, the morning part was the issue. I know we're told it over and over, but maybe it will help. I know that too much sleep is a major trigger for my migraines, but so it too little sleep. I take ambien at night, and still don't fall asleep till around 4 and get up around 11.
I am going to say that your depression is probably your major trigger for the h/a's. I know it was for me at least. Try to get into weekly counciling. That doesn't mean your crazy or anything, but you just need someone to talk to.
Is there a friend that could maybe keep your daughter for a weekend so you could get a few days of me time? Maybe, even if you don't feel good, just go do something fun with her, it may make you feel better.
Losing loved ones is something you just can't describe, and I don't feel there is anything I can say to make you feel better. I am so sorry. Just try to think of a few positive things a day, try to laugh, and find joy in the little things.
For me, finding some type of ruetein was important in me being able to function. I say all this, as I still deal with it everyday. It doesn't just go away overnight, even though it seems to all happen that fast.
I will pray that God gives you a peace and rest and calm over your family. Best to you.

wenmarie
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 12/4/2006 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for your reply,unfortunatley I do not have any support system. I am a single mother of two girls. Their father lives four hours away and degrades me when i tell him I need a break once in a while. I have tried counseling but I have to pay daycare in order to go. With my daughters recent health issues I have had a hard time just getting her to her appointments. I have no idea how to find the time for me to get help as well. I am just lost and do not know what to do. It takes everything I have to even get out the door. i do notice i have a slight headache when I get to much sleep but i just can not get out of bed or off the couch. I feel like a failure as a mother. I have dealt with depression my entire life. but never to this degree. I am just lost

AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 12/4/2006 10:49 PM (GMT -7)   
its okay to be lost. We just may need to stop and ask for directions. THe best thing you can do for your 2 precious ones, is take care of mommy. I know its hard, heck, taking a shower and getting out the door is masive, much less actually taking the time to do something for ME?? I so wish I had something better, more encouraging to tell you. I wish I had that magical phrase. I do know, that my faith in God is the ONLY reason i am here today. You don't realize how much we need him till he's all we have left. And, even being a Christian, I feel alone all the time, abandoned, mad, sad, frustrated, apathy, the why's start flowing, and the tears just seem to be stuck somewhere deep inside. But, its all I have, my faith in my Savior.
I respect you so much, because I know all you want it to take care of your little ones, be the best mom you can be, but somehow, someway, you need some help. Maybe like one day a week of day care could be worked out finacially. Maybe just a couple hrs. of a babysitter. Just to get out. Talk to someone with a vocabulary over a few phrases.
I would try to do anything you can, to get up and get busy. I know that seems impossible, especially right now, but it helps.
Again, I wish there was more I can say.
PS: In my town we have several "Stay at home mom groups" and single mom groups" that may meet once a week at Chick-fil-a or something. Check into something like that
Please don't be offended by my quoting of the scripture but heres what helps me
"I have called you by name, you are mine when you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be there with you when you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! For I am your God, the Holy One, your Savior" Issaiah 43:1-3

wenmarie
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 12/5/2006 12:03 AM (GMT -7)   
i am not offended at all. I need all the encouragment that I can get. thank you for all your advice. I will try to get help for myself because in the end it will only help my kids.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 12/5/2006 5:17 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi wenmarie, just reading your post I can feel the pain you suffer.  I don’t have migraines nor children but I do have MS and I too get terrible headaches that make it difficult to get through the day.  I cannot imagine having to deal with what I go through physically with my disorders and disabilities and raise kids on top of that. 

Being a single parent is difficult as my mother was a single parent for many years after her divorce and I remember the struggles that she went through trying to raise my brother and I.  She had and still does have depression and anxiety.  She also had a physical disability of degenerative joint disease in her knees which made it very difficult for her as she worked two jobs in nursing homes as an Aid to support us and also put herself through nursing school.  You cant tell by reading this that I look up to her so much can you? :-)

In my opinion I would say to make an appointment for yourself to whoever the doc is that prescribes your Zoloft.  It sounds like you are going though so much personally and dealing with a lot physically with your child who is sick.  It would be a good idea to discuss with the doctor about bumping up the dosage of your Zoloft especially if you have been on it for a while.  Sometimes the antidepressants on long term usage tend to lose some of their effect and need a little boost when we are going through a lot of things in our lives and depression is getting unmanageable.  Or if an appointment isn’t feasible for you then you can try just giving the doctor’s nurse a call and letting them know what is going on and asking if they will increase the dose over the phone if the doctor has been your physician for a while...some of them have no problem doing this. 

Please know you can always find support here.  Let us know how it goes...take care


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


slowlygoingcrazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 12/5/2006 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
In some respects I feel like you have taken the words straight out of my heart.  I too am going through a very rough time and the added demands of the Christmas holidays only makes things more difficult.  Last week was really tough.  Our rabbit died on Tuesday night and we haven't even had him a year.  I blame our lack of time to really look after him properly.  Then my daughter contracted pink eye and I missed a day and a half of work and had to use my last few days of holiday time to be home with her.  So any time I take at Christmas is pretty much unpaid now.  Although it appears I may have one day left but I have to check on something first.  Oh and Tuesday night we had a meeting with a new therapist which is always emotionally difficult because it means going through things all over again.  And the three weeks leading up to last week, I was run ragged.  My doctor put me on tryptan to enhance the effect of the antidepressants and it worked almost too well.  I went from being able to accomplish nothing to never stopping!!!!  But the worst thing, aside from burying our pet, was the e-mail I got from my life long friend.  It was her daughter's christening the weekend before and in talking to her mother, I had mispoken myself and inadvertantly and unintentionally criticized my friend and her mother.  What I was trying to say just didn't come out properly and as a result it sounded like I was saying they were fat, which is the furthest thing from the truth.  Anyways, I felt like absolute crap and immediately sent off an apologetic e-mail.  But it's opened another door I thought I had closed.  And now I'm sick because of the stress.  So I know what you mean about just suddenly hitting that brick wall and not being able to move.  Feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders because there's no one there to help.  This week, I am responsible for everything because of my husband's particular shift this week, so I might as well be a single mom.  And these days there's no rhyme or reason to his shifts and it's getting very frustrating because I can't plan for anything.  I can't book appointments.  I can't look after myself.  And then of course, the TMJ headaches start and the pain, and the bowel discomforts and everything else.  But somehow you just keep going.  No idea how some days, but you do.  And I can even relate to some of your issues with your oldest child.  My son is ADD too with some tendencies of the H.  He is a handful.  You have to watch him all the time and when you ask him to do something, he has to monitored constantly or else he forgets, or doesn't do it.  Unfortunately, it's being complicated by some very major emotional issues.  He is going for psychiatric testing in February.  But he also has bowel issues and in January he is going to see a urologist because he still wets his pants and his bed.  He's 10.  So I understand also having the added demands of a child with special needs.  All I can say is Life is Crazy!!!  And this time of year, it's even worse...  I hope you can find the time to look after yourself so your kids can have the best mom possible, but you're still human.  And your husband's attitude is very sad.  Does he ever see or help with the kids?  If not, then he's hardly the one to criticize you.  Parenthood is one of the hardest job on the planet, especially in this day and age when we're being pulled in so many directions all the time.  Kids aren't kids long enough anymore...  Anyways, I've rambled long enough.  I need to get back to work.  I know I didn't offer you any words of wisdom but maybe just knowing that you aren't the only one going through what you are going through will help you take a deep breath and keep going.  It helps me to know I'm not alone because I usually feel incredibly alone in this world.  So few people really understand depression and its effects on me as well as how it can impact the people and the world around me, no matter how much I love them... 
 
Take care of yourself. 
 
slowlygoingcrazy

 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....


AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 12/5/2006 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Just seeing how you are feeling today. I though about you and prayed for you a lot last night. I hope you have a good day.

AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 12/5/2006 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Just seeing how you are feeling today. I thought about you and prayed for you a lot last night. I hope you have a good day.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted Yesterday 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
wenmarie, I too suffer from depression, anxiety and migraine. You are a very strong woman to be able to take care of your kids. You should at least be proud of yourself. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, December 06, 2016 5:21 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,418 posts in 301,117 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151256 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Monkeyjungle.
226 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Bololidat, Tagier, tickbite666, Tudpock18


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer