I Hate My Life

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rainey
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/8/2006 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
It's Rainey!  My life is in turmoil.  I Hate my life.  My husband devil is going to go off again.  It's written all over his face and I can hear it in his voice.  I know, I keep walking on egg shells hoping they won't break.  I feel so alone and afraid of him. 
 
His moods have been changing over the past couple of days and I'm climbing the walls.  I feel like I'm trapt and don't know what to do. 
 
I have not been able to take the meds that the doctor prescribed for me only one does because the very next day after I took the first dose I got sick.  Called the doc, she said to wait 1 week and try again although she thought I caught a bug that is going around, plus 1 dose would not be enough to help me anyway.
 
I know what I have to do but am so unsure of myself.  I got married when I was 17 years old and my husband is all I know.  I don't even know where to begin.  My mind is so mixed up with all different kinds of emotions. confused sad Oh my god please help me!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/14/2006 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Rainey
Do you have any family close by? Someone you can stay with? Or just have them "stop over" without calling first?
Everyone is giving you great advice. But it all boils down to you getting help. You said that you married when you were 17 and he is "all you know"...so think about this: "all you know" is being hit,being made to cry,going to bed at night and wishing for a better life,hiding your bruises,and lying to your friends and family about how you got them.
Before you can help him,you need to help yourself.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/16/2006 5:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Rainey,
Here is some poems that I wrote awhile ago..I thought you might be able to relate.

She feels so alone but she’s not, the image laying next to her makes her tremble. She feels the pain as it heightens within her body. But years of practice have taught her to deter it from her mind.
So many nights of torture: feelings of fear and despair.
Who is going to save her? Will anyone ever be there?
Wishing for relief any way it will come. She walks alone in her dreams, the ones where her life has just begun.
She wonders who will be there or will she always have to run?
She doesn’t ask for much, just to feel safe, for the pain and fear to end, just once.
But for now she just lays there, afraid to breathe, who is going to save her, will anyone ever be there or will her life just end this way?

He knows how to hurt her, the exact words to say.
He breaks her down to tiny pieces making sure to do it each and every day.
Get away her mind screams, run and never look back. But the fear takes over as the words she’s heard seeps into her mind like a fast spreading disease.
Hiding within herself is her only way.
A tormented soul that yearns to laugh but knows it won’t happen that day.
One day she’s going to make it, even though it’s going to take all of her strength.
You can beat the disease; the antidote is within yourself, looking deep, find it and let it lead.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 12/16/2006 11:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Rainey
Well, you are a lot stronger than you think!
Look how long you have endured all this nonsense...and now you are about to take another brave step out of your 'comfort' zone in the search for the happiness you so richly deserve in your life!
You have realised that you no longer have to put up with this kind of life..yay...well done!
Do you have something life a womans refuge that you can contact that will help you with accomodation and protect you from unwanted visitors?
Do you have children to consider?
I wish you well on your quest and look forward to hearing some positive news.

Maree

rainey
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/17/2006 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi There:
 
Thank you all for your info.  Shynsassy thank you for that poem that you wrote, oh how I can relate to it.
Well I'm trying to do something about what is going on.  There is just so much to be done before I actually walk out.  My husband and I have a business together, along with 5 rental properties in another state.  This is not an easy thing to do.  I realize once I walk out of hear there is no turning back.  I will loose everything.
I just want to get thru the holidays then I can better plan for my exit.  Meanwhile I'm trying to put up with what he feels like dishing out.  At times I feel like I just want to put an end to my life that way I would not have to even think about making my exit, I almost think that would be an easier solution.  What ever I should do I just want all of you to know that I appreciate all of your comments and help that you have given me.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/17/2006 6:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Rainey,
There will always be something that you feel you have to get done before you put yourself in a safe place.
I still feel that you need to involve someone else. A family member or a friend. You need someone to lean on. And someone to encourage you.
Also,remember this. You will not loose everything. You are entitled to your share of what is in the marriage. And once you tell a lawyer what has went on,he/she will go for the throat. Make sure you protect yourself throughout all of this though.
Another thing. If you decide that the marriage can work,and if he decides to go for counseling,then make sure he knows this is his last chance.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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