Why are some days so bad?

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hopefulmigrainer
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/9/2006 1:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Today I cried the entire day.  I hurt so much inside.  I HATE depression.  I feel so defective.  I can't snap out of it.  The tears just flow.  Then other days I will be okay - not great but okay.  What constructive and realistic things can I do when I have days like this?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 12/9/2006 2:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Hopeful,
Sorry you are going through the wringer at the moment. I hope you get a good sleep tonight at least. You have always been helpful to me when I am down and you advice has always made sense. Take it a step at a time, I think that's what we all do on the bad days. Don't watch sad movies either - I did that a couple of weeks ago and I was in a real state for 2 days, it dragged me right down!

Was there something that triggered your bad day that you are aware of? I am not very good at offering advice, especially as I feel so inadequate myself. But know that I am thinking of you and willing you to have better days. Your belief in God and Prayer is wonderful and makes me kind of jealous in a way. I was brought up an athiest and I find it difficult to believe that there is a God. But I look at people that do believe and think it is wonderful to have such a strong connection to everything God stands for. My mom was really sick with brest cancer this year and she felt very scared and alone before her op, we were all there, but I sensed this was something deeper, and it made me very sad that there was nothing there for her to take strength from.
I assume you go to church, could you maybe go there on your down days? I suppose the hard bit is finding the motivation to get out of bed, and out the house. Do you have a friend you could call that you could off load your feelings on? They do say a problem shared is a problem halved.
The best thing I have found so far is to just go with the flow, fighting the depression on the bad days seems to make it worse, I over analise and just make matters worse. So I just accept that today is a bad one and tomorrow will be better, it has to be or what's the point.

I wish you a great nights sleep and a better day tomorrow, take care hopeful, I will be thinking of you.
Hugs
Wizzer

hopefulmigrainer
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/10/2006 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wizzard, thank you for your reply. I moderate the anxiety forum but I am in DEPRESSION. I will take your advice - no sad movies and no news for heavens sake!

Yes, what has triggered my depression is a couple of things. My doc took me off of Lexapro cold turkey and I experienced withdrawls and I am having a tough go with the job search. I have a couple of irons in the fire and then they don't pan out. I go up and then I go down. My State disability ended 11/30 and now I am w/o any income. I am already behind, don't know how I'm going to pay next months rent.

I am human and I worry but with God anything is possible. I don't know how I would get through this w/o God. If their is a tickle deep down inside of you about God then that's God tugging on your heart. You don't have to have some big ritual to accept God as your savior. You simply ask him to come in to your heart. That's it. He does the rest. I pray that you will do this because you a beautiful soul.

I do have church and friends but with depression I just want to hide out. I can't handle the stress of the job search and my life so when I have the time off I just collapse. I'm feeling a little better now than I was when I wrote this post. I hope that I can get employment soon. That is what is scaring me. I need the security and distraction of a job.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement. God bless.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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Sad & Angry
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 211
   Posted 12/11/2006 8:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I am in the same boat as you. I am also looking for work and no income. And everything seems to be too overwhelming for me too. I am on Effexor right now, and that is seems to be helping a little bit. But I too, don't know what to do at times.... My doctor, tells me to stay positive, but that is hard. I believe in God, if not, I would be devastated.

I think you need some sort of medication to help you through. As you are going through a job loss and loss of income that is overwhelming you at this point.....

hopefulmigrainer
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/11/2006 2:31 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you for your words of encouragement.  I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time too.  This has gone on and on for me.  I'm battling with depression, migraine & loss of income.  My State disability ended 11/30.  I thought for sure that I would have a job by now.  I'm in trouble.  Also, a lot of bad things keep happening one right after the other.  Last check lost in the mail, left ATM card in machine, lost wallet last night.  I got knocked down about a year and a half ago and I just can't seem to get back up.  I have a psyche doc now and to be honest, she's a dud and I have to change.  She's cold and not very good at what she does.  She took me off of my meds cold turkey and then takes no responsibility.  I lost my RX that was in my wallet and she didn't want to replace it.  I asked her, what am I going to do, OD on Wellbutrin?  It just seems like life is kicking my butt and to be honest I think Satan is trying to turn me against God because I'm having a "Job" life.  I have never had trouble getting a job before but everyone is telling me it is the time of the year.  Keep praying and looking up. God bless. 
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/11/2006 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   
hopeful,
 
i'm just a guest here - i spend most of my time and energy in the bi-polar forum.  but your story struck me.  if i knew why bad things happen to good people, i would be rich instead of subsisting on social security.  nevertheless it is a good question.
 
in my experience, when a person gets down they keep getting kicked until they stagger back to their feet.  sorry, hon, there is no silver bullet or magic potion.  having said that, and having spent 60 years depressed, take the medication, it helps.  i was falling into a real humdinger depression and my psychiatrist presceibed welbutrin.  pulled my out of the depression in less than a week.  but what works for memight not necessarily work for you.
 
i agree that if you don't "vibrate" with your psychiatrist, find another one.  yours sounds like some i've had (i've been around longer than you and, i would therefore assume, that i have seen more shrinks than you have).  these docs are out for the money and aren't really inerested in helping their patients.  i had one about 10 yrs ago who was just a kid - i've forgotten more psychology than he ever learned with his ms in counceling.  i told him what i thought of him.  the psychiatrist who he reported to told my wife that i was "beligerant."  darned right i'm beligerant.  medicare is paying some money for this jerk to help me.  he failed.  your pdoc has failed.  get another one.
 
there is a jewish saying that my grandmother was very fond of.  "life is a wheel.  when you're on the bottom, pray to god because some day you will be on the top.  when you are on the top pray to god also for some day you'll be on the bottom."
 
by the way, in the story of job in the bible, the angel who convinced god to test job is not the devel.  the hebrew word translates more like "devel's advocate" or "someone who tests."
 
you have your faith.  cleve to it, it will give you strength.  i have my religion, too, and cleve to it for my support and inspiration. 
 
and remember, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" (s. freiud)
 
warren

Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 12/11/2006 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hugs to you Hopeful. Today has been a down day for me too. It's not the anxiety today, it's the depression I am feeling. I'm just down and also tired. Makes me want to just go to bed and stay there.

I do hope you get to feeling better soon!

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/11/2006 8:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your words of encouragement. 
 
Suzy - I hope that you feel better.  I wish we didn't have to suffer so.
 
Warren, do you only take Welbutrin for your bi-polar?  My psyche doesn't diagnose me with bi-polar but she says I'm "moody."  She says it to me like a regular person annoyed with me b/c of my moodiness.  I just think she's one of those docs whom if they can't cure you they want you out of their hair.  Also, I think she is in it for the $ b/c she sees me frequently, sometimes more than 1x/mo and requires an appointment.  She takes me off my meds cold turkey and she is extremely conservative with my meds.  She refuses to prescribe benzos and when I am in Major depression she takes me off of 60mg. Cymbalta and puts me on 5mg. of Lexapro.  I s/h known then.  Anyway, she suggested a med called "Lamictal."  I looked it up and it is for bi-polar.  She refuses to diagnose me bipolar and she refuses to put me on disability.  All I want is a doctor who will have my best interests at heart no matter what that is.  I'm not usually angry but I am feeling let down by her and I became very angry when I lost my wallet.  That was nobodys fault but mine but human beings do not usually do the right thing and in this case, they could have turned it in to the management office and they did not.  I don't have mania but I do go up and down.  However, my ups are usually when I am hopeful about a job prospect and my downs are when they don't pan out or something bad happens to me.  What are your thoughts?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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wmnak
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/12/2006 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
hopeful,
 
i take liothium carbonate 900 mg/day in addition to the welbutrin.  with bi-polar disorder, giving an upper can lead to disasterous results, such as major manic attack.  the key with bp is to use a mood staberlser. like lithium, along with other meds as required.  nothing works for everybody - each person is an individual and requires an undividual "cocktail" of meds to treat the bp effectively.
 
the only person who can diagnose bipolar disorder is a psychiatrist, preferably one with experiance in treating this illness.  if your pdoc isn't meeting your needs, fire her.  she works for you.  who is paying whom?  all that a dr is is an employee, like a gardener, who you pay for his/her opinion.  if you aren't getting your money's worth, fire the bum.  you're not married to him/her.
 
hope this helps.  and hope you are feeling better.
 
warren

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/13/2006 12:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Depression is really bad.  Migraine through the roof today.  Couldn't move or I would have gone to ER.  I s/h checked myself into a mental health hospital months ago.  Taking me off of the Lexapro has been a curse and I can't take some of the other type of meds either b/c of glaucoma (suspect).  I'm alone, life is spiraling down.  I have tried so hard.  I really have.  Don't know what to do anymore. 
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/13/2006 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hang in there Hopeful! I am sending you a huge hug.

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/13/2006 2:51 PM (GMT -7)   

hopeful,

 

i'm so sorry to hear about your broken hands and feet.  it must be terrabily painful to you, even more painful than dialing 911.  hon, you sound like you are in bad trouble - deep kimche in my generation - and need immediate help.  you sound like you are in a downward spiral which, in my experience, leads to self inflicted injury or injury to someone else.  sometimes it's "suicide by policeman."

fix your bloody hands and fingers and use the telephone.  let us know how you fare after your call.

we support you and wish you god's grace.

warren


1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/13/2006 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hopeful,

When I went to hospital at my families "demand" my score was 10-20. The only reason I am here is because of my son. GO NOW BABY!

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/13/2006 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I have something GOOD to report.  Yesterday/last night because of the horrible migraine on top of the horrible depression I had one of my WORST days.  I prayed that God would take away the migraine so that I could go to my first day on a TEMP job.  I woke up with a moderate migraine but off to work I went.  The first two hours felt like an eternity.  Afternoon took migraine meds and by the end of the day the migraine subsided.  I did not feel depressed, just tired.  I think I have had a major breakthrough.  I am praying that this is a sign of good things to follow.  I have faith their will be a change in the season soon and I am long overdue.  The temp job doesn't pay too well but I am grateful to have some money coming in and I will continue to look for a perm job.  The holidays is a terrible time to look for a job.  People don't like to make transitions at this time.  For one, it's holiday time and secondly, they get bonuses usually in January or February. 
Thank you, everyone for your support.  I'm glad that I could finally report something good.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/14/2006 5:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hopeful......I too am unemployed and have not been able to find work. The unemployed state has been awful. Losing a job is "supposed to happen" to people who do not work hard or people that do nat care about their job......NOT........ As a result, what little self esteem I had is gone.


I have decided to move my son and I back to my hometown. I am so mixed about this decision. It will be such a relief to have my Mom close.......(i'm a single mom w/dead beat ex); however, my dad is toxic for me and his actions when I was young have resulted in my numerous personality disorders.


I am praying daily for understanding and strength. I pray that my moving will be positive and not negative. I do not know how much more I can take.

I hope you have a great day and Congrats on temp position.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/14/2006 11:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know how much more of this depression I can take. I don't have the right psychiatrist, I don't have a proper diagnosis and I don't have the right meds. I think about ending my life when I go this far down. It's been a year and a half of nothing but heartache, loss, depression, migraine, moving, lack of employment, finances. I know I don't deserve this and I'm a kind hearted soul. I called a suicide hotline tonight. I've never done that before but I have thought that I might need to check myself into hospital.

Tell me, please, how do we get out of the deep depression that lasts this long and you have tried everything humanly possible to get better but you don't. What next?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/15/2006 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hopeful........I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Going to the hospital sounds like the way to go. I was admitted for five days about a month ago. It helped!

Sending you a big hug!
Levonne

   

 

Dear Lord,  Please Grant Me

The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The Courage to change the things I can, and

The Wisdom to know the difference.........

Just for Today

 


hopefulmigrainer
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/15/2006 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
1day, what can I expect from going to the hospital?  Please tell me.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 12/15/2006 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Hopeful,
I am so sorry that you are going through the wringer at the moment. You have got some great feedback from the guys and i think you should take notice of them and of what your mind and body is telling you. Go to the hospital if only to 'take a couple of days off'. Your worries are making you feel worse, you can't make big decisions when you feel so down and at your wits end. Please, take a day off from your worries and your pain, if only for just one day, accept that the pain is there and the worry is there, but don't try to deal with it, just go with the flow of the day and know that things will get better if you want them to. Things may never be perfect but they will get better, never forget that.
You do have some good news in your temp job, try to keep that in the forefront of your mind as a positive, talk to us and talk the people at your church, remember they are there to help you as much as you help them, perhaps it's time for you to call in a few 'returns' on that and let others help you for a change.
I am kind of glad that you called the suicide line, because at least you are recognising that you need a little extra help at the moment. Call them as many times as you need to and post here oftern to let us know you are ok.
Try to be brave, you are a wonderful giving person, and you too have a beautiful soul. Do not waste your talents by jacking it all in. The world needs people like you to help ensure that love and care is not forgotten. I know I am far away, but right now I am giving you the best virtual hug I can.

Please hopeful, go to the hospital or at least your doctor and find out how they can help you and keep in touch. I am worrying for you and I am thinking of you, and gosh if I need to I will go to church and pray for you too.
Hugs, take care of you.
Wizzer

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/15/2006 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wizzer, I'm touched by your reply. I don't know how to thank you for those caring and supportive words. I know that I might not be properly diagnosed and on the right meds but I can tell you that I had a good day today. Ding Dong the witch is gone - hee! What a difference a day makes. The woman who trained me yesterday was downright abusive to me. She failed to spend even 2 hours training me, she made rude remarks, rolled her eyes, sighed. It was like getting punched in the stomach all day long. My psychological skin is burned. I resorted to a 5 year old girl. My stomach hurt all day long and when I got in the car at the end of the day, I lost it. I was crying so hard I couldn't see straight. I started having all of those bad thoughts but I remember someone posting one time about someone who had attempted suicide. They said, remember the feeling is temporary. The decision is permanent. Of course I don't want to die and I already got to that point before and I know that I can't do it. Their is still a thread of hope in me. That hope comes from God. Many who know Him suffer, however, He promises rest to those who trust him. I need some rest! I'm feeling sick now. Scratchy throat, head cold but I am going to take your advice and take a day off from worrying. I will sleep in tomorrow and p/u the messy house and dishes and just put one foot in front of the other.
How are you doing?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/16/2006 2:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hopeful,

You have been on my mind.........I hope things are a little better. I wish I had magic words that would make all the hurt go away. We have to cling to hope. Hope and faith.

 

   

God, Please Grant Me

The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The Courage to change the things that I can, and

The Wisdom to know the difference……….Just for Today

Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, PTSD, Degenerative Disc-Multiple Collapsed (post 3 Surgeries including Fusion), Advanced Osteoarthritis, Firbomyalgia, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD, Larngopharyngeal Reflux


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/16/2006 2:46 PM (GMT -7)   
hi 1day, thank you for your support and words of encouragement. You are right and God does want us to "cling" to him. I've been listening to some of the Joyce Meyers tapes and I am realizing how much I want to reason and know and understand everything. I fight the act of surrender. Perhaps God is just waiting for me. I am doing better. 2 good days and I'm very hopeful. I think that my legs are wobbly so when another bad thing happens I lose it and go way down. I am fighting this though.
How are you doing? I like the "just for today" that you added to your signature. You've really been there haven't you?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 12/16/2006 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Hopeful, It is great to hear that you have had two good days on the trot. Still rooting for you.
Hugs
Wizzer

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/17/2006 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, Wizzer. That means a lot to me. Hanging in there still. One day at a time.
Hugs back at ya. talk2kel
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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katherine.g.
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/18/2006 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
i have not been able to feel my pain and depression and fear and tears. i've held on for so long, just coping day to day. it is just now hitting me - my disabilities are really interfering with my life. i'm moving and i can't physically handle packing. i'm angry about it. i am angry at my sister for not offering to help me, not even for one hour. i can't work now because of pain. i've gotten a voucher for section 8 housing which is incredibly great.
i had a spinal fusion 25 years ago and now there are complications from that and i  had a failed knee replacement and possibly have a torn ligament in foot. also have foot drop in other foot.
it's impossible for me to not be aware of the pain, all the time. it is screaming.
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