First off, I just have to say that finding this site has been the most amazing form of support I have found so far. I've been reading these posts for months now, but it was just yesterday that I finally posted myself. I just want to say thank you to you all, even though you didn't know it, you have been a great source of inspiration to me. It's nice to know I am not alone.
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety since the age of 12. I started having panic attacks in grade 8 (but had no idea what they were) and made my first suicide attempt at age 15. My family wouldn't take me for professional help, they are pretty old fashioned and have absolutely no idea that this illness is real, and kind of refuse to believe otherwise ( I grew up in a small rural town). The first time I sought professional help was 5 years ago (I am now 35). I went on meds, took a leave of absence from my job, and saw a pyschiatrist. The therapy only lasted 3 months (that's all my company would pay for), and after a year and a half I went off the meds. I ended up moving to a new province 3 years ago. Finding a family doctor is next to impossible here, so I finally ended up at a walk in clinic one day because I felt myself slipping into that deep dark hole again, I knew my depression was back. I have now started on the meds again, but I am having the worst time finding a psychologist or psychiatrist that will deal with my company's insurance company. So far the 4 Dr's that I have been referred to all demand oodles of money up front, and I would have to wait to be reimbursed. I support myself on a limited income, I can't afford that! I have researched any and all government sponsored programs, and still no luck. That's how I found this website, I am so desperate for help I have turned to the internet in the hopes that I can somehow heal myself. I can barely afford the medication, and I know that pills alone won't help me get a handle on this. I don't know what to do, short of checking myself into a psych ward. Some days I feel so defeated, I so desperately need and want help, and yet I keep getting told no. Has anyone else ever gone through this? What on earth does a person do when no one will help? It's so bad now that I have completely isolated myself from my friends, and I can't turn to my family. So where do I go? I just feel so alone these days, there has to be something or someone out there that can help... I would appreciate any ideas, hopefully someone will have felt this before too...