Just about had it.

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decaying
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/20/2006 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
i'm 20 years old, and have been suffering from severe depression and anxiety since about age 16. I'm overcoming a serious opiate addiction, due to severe social anxiety that has led me to literally live my life alone in my house. i'm beyond depressed, have seen dozens of psychiatrists and psychologists, tried numerous ssri's, welbutrin, benzos, etc. nothing seems to motivate me; nothing pushes me in the right direction.
 
i was always a popular kid in high school; played varsity basketball, excelled in computers, aced all my classes, constantly had girlfriends. then i started experimenting with drugs, pot, alcohol, you name it. i tried committing suicide the beginning of my senior year, and i just feel as though i've made absolutely no progress in years. i've held jobs here and there. even got on an exercise regimine for a few months that was making me feel better.
 
but i always end up back at square one: my parents basement where i spend days just sitting in front of the tv, watching my dvr, and burnt dvds. i own my own computer repair business that i do on the side once in a while but nothing seems to push me in the right direction. i've lost everyone, even though i have a girlfriend that loves me very much and would do anything for me.
 
i don't even know why i'm bothering posting on this forum; i figured i'd give it a shot. well, thanks for reading.
 
take care

Lilly113
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 12/20/2006 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
im so sorry youre feeling down, its a good step to post on here. i hit rock bottom when i was 20, got kicked out of home, couldnt hold down a job, started getting drunk on my own, self harmed, i was a mess, then i moved in with my parents again and did nothing with my life. i felt my life was hopeless that i was a loser, but then one day i thiought to myself "what if this is it? what if my life will never be any better than this?" it really shocked me. i enrolled back into school and im now at university. i still suffer from depression and anxiety but im getting a handle on it finally thanks to prozac.

maybe you could try some different meds and different psychiatrist as it can be a case of trial and error. sorry ive not been very helpful, but keep posting on here, and read other peoples posts as it can help you realsie you are not alone in this. feel free to message us anytime. hope you feel better soon xx

MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 12/20/2006 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello decaying
 
Welcome to HW were so happy you have joined us here. You sound like a awsome and talented young man.
 
I'm sorry you are having to go thru this are you seeing a dr now and do they have you on any meds at this time? 
 
I hate it when young adults get mixed up with the wrong crowed and start falling down to there level but you seem to be aware of what is going on and that's a lot. I'm happy to read you did so great in school and was popular but that might be part of the problem in the job market. Employers will never make you feel popular or needed I'm sorry to say.
 
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. You will find great support here.
Bless you.
 
 
(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*                                      
 
Being happy doesnt mean everything's perfect.It means you've decided to see beyound the imperfrctions!God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears & light for the way                                        

 

 


1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/20/2006 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Decaying,

I am doing an online CBT course (MoodGYM) that another forum member recommended. It has made me aware of my faulty thought processes.........I don't know what came first, my depression or my faulty thoughts. Either way, the course is helping me to see a better way. So much of the course reaffirms the group sessions I attended while hospitalized.

Please remember that we can only take things a day at the time. I get so overwhelmed when I think about "the rest of my life."

Hope you are having a good day today.

1dayatatime

Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder, PTSD, Degenerative Disc Disease (post 3 Surgeries including Fusion), Advanced Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD, Larngopharyngeal Reflux 

God, Please Grant Me,

The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The Courage to change the things that I can,

and The Wisdom to know the difference……….Just for Today


decaying
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/20/2006 11:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you guys so much. I appreciate the support. I've tried many ssri's: celexa, lexapro, prozac. I have welbutrin but haven't really been taking it.

I am currently on a methadone program which is tough as well. I'm getting into health supplements / nootropics / neural enhancement products, and I'm going to try that route... combined with exercise and discipline. There's alot of good supplements out there so I might as well give htem a shot.

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 12/21/2006 1:58 AM (GMT -7)   
decaying,
 
you presented some really complex questions.  i wish i were smarter so that i could give you better answers, but i can give you my expeerience.
 
we all develop a self-image and will do almost anything to maintain that self-image.  for example, a young boy from the ghetto manages to get a full football schoolarship at a major university.  but this lad's self-image is that he is poor and lacks tallent.  this boy may well ruin a knee, throuing him out of the game and scholarship and higher education in orer to protect his poor self-image. 
 
are you doing this with your life?  i noticed that you had "tried" several professionals but did not cohese with any of them.  was it the cohesion or your attempt to protect your self-image?
 
drugs are often (usually) a form of self-medication.  that's how i used and abused therm in 1970.  i am bipolar and was having a major manic episode.  i was undiagnosed at the time, so didn't know what was really happening.  this self-medicating can be disasterous, as you and i both discovered.  thwe quesion is what are/were you medicating yourself for?  find the answer to that and you have the beginnings of a meaningful conversation with a professional.  why have a drug that may help you if you don't take it?  i have been on welbutrin for about 2 months and have found it to be the best antidepressant that i have ever taken.  i have been at this since the early 1960s so i have some experience with these drugs.  i also recognise that a drug that works amazingly well for one person may well kill another person.  what i am sahying is that you aren't even giving the drug a chance.
 
all change must start drom within.  i have copd and am going in for a back operation on the 22nd.  i was smoking until day before yesterday when i saw the pulminary specialist.  he told me i probably would not survive the operation if i didn't stop smoking and do breathing treatments every 4 hours around the clock until ther day of the operation.  guess what?  i made a decision to live and to have the operation.  it is now 3:00 am and i had a breathing treatment an hour ago and will have another one at 6:00 am.  i also quit smoking after 50 years with the habbit.  the changes started within me.  there was outside inout, but the decisions were mine.  when are you going to give yourself permission to change and to take control of your life?  this decision alone won't make it happen.   but it's the first step in the process.
 
i hope this helps.  i've been where you are.  it's not a nie place to be.  but you can get out of there.  we'll help  you al the way from cyberspace.
 
warren

1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 12/23/2006 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Decaying,

How are things going? You have been on my mind...sending you a hug.

God Bless,

Levonne

Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder, PTSD, Degenerative Disc Disease (post 3 Surgeries including Fusion), Advanced Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD, Larngopharyngeal Reflux 

God, Please Grant Me,

The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The Courage to change the things that I can,

and The Wisdom to know the difference……….Just for Today


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 12/26/2006 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi decaying...
Hmm...Have you thought about setting yourself some goals in life?
Is there something you would like to do..but have always considered impossible up to now?
I think that maybe you have reached a crossroad in your life, and you know you want to do something but are unsure if you can...
You have taken control of your life and your addiction..you can be proud of that :) that was the first step in getting your life on track - well done!
Sometimes we feel like we have lost everything when really we have an opportunity to turn everything around and start afresh and reinvent ourselves :)
One thing I do know for sure is that opportunity won't come your way unless you go out there and look for it!
You are 20yrs old..you are obviously talented with computers..can you upskill in this direction?
Do you have trouble getting up in the morning and getting motivated?
Tell us more about you and we will see if we can help :)
Take good care.
Maree

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/27/2006 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome to the site.
You are 20 and still trying to find your place in the world. I remember how hard that was and do not envy you at all.
I will touch on something here,my b/f started his own repair comp business while he was in college. Everyone kept telling him to "get a real job". Well he didn't give up and 10 years later he now makes a nice living and his cell phone never stops ringing (which drives me insane at times!!). So don't give up!!
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


Savvy63
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 12/31/2006 2:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi decaying. You have the power to be the person you want to be. Be patient with yourself and keep your goals realistic so you don't get discouraged. Being an over achiever is hard when you have to keep raising the bar. Focus within to see who you are and who you want to be. Find your positive attributes and expand on them. Let yourself grow and don't be discouraged by life's hurdles.
I hope you can find one thing each day that makes you smile. Then, when you hit a bump, remember that thing. ;)
I am listing symptoms/test results cuz my Dr is still trying to figure out exactly what's going on with me. If any of this rings a bell with you, email me at daisyhen at msn dot com.
                                                              combivent
DDD- MRI confirmed                                    probiotics
Arthritis-xray confirmed                               Neurontin
disc slippage in neck-MRI confirmed               Oxycodone
Fibro- night sweats                                     Zoloft
IBS-D-gas                                                 cortisone shot
Ulcers-endoscopic confirm                            Lortab
dishydrotic eczema                                     Lunesta
Costochondritis                                          B-12
Had both knees scoped in '93' (awesome improvement)
Are we having fun yet?

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