some humour, to cheer us all up! enjoy!

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 12/22/2006 4:51 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.


  • Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. (Langston Hughes)


  • It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top. (Arnold Bennet)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 12/22/2006 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
too funny!
~ Jeannie

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."

- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 12/23/2006 2:52 AM (GMT -6)   
I like that...LOL! Thanks. :)
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/23/2006 6:03 AM (GMT -6)   

That great yeah

I print these things and stick them round the house to cheer me up tongue

Bipolar Moderator
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 12/23/2006 7:41 PM (GMT -6)   

I needed that.  I have not laughed in a very long time.


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