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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/25/2006 3:35 PM (GMT -6)   
I wanted to share an email that someone sent me. (At work of all places!)   I am the person who has trouble with "boundaries", and have spent my life trying to please others.  I am now working on me.  Anyway, I really liked it and wanted to share. 

When somebody you care deeply about requests a loving response, you may be
tempted to come up with many reasons why you can't, don't want to, or shouldn't
involve yourself. Maybe you think they deserve your anger more than your love
because of something they did.

Most of the reasons to withhold love are based on the fearful voice in you
mind that keeps score. "Let's see, I have done nice things for you, now you
have to do something for me." This type of giving is nothing more than a
business transaction. True giving is not a tidy business transaction where you
give with the expectation of something in return from the person.

The ego's law is: When you do something for someone else, be sure you get
something back. If you don't, stop giving.

I am not suggesting that you should never say no. Certainly, having good
boundaries is important. However, fear of giving is an epidemic in our
culture. Generally, people are too focused on what they are going to get from
life, rather than what they can give. The result of focusing on "getting" is
depression - someone always has more or better, anger - I am not lucky, and

So here is a simple exercise for you and me: in order to experience how
giving and receiving are the same, for one week stop focusing on "getting".
Stop making sure that you get your share back. Stop worrying about what you
will miss or lose if you give freely. For one week respond to everything with
a giving attitude. Give some of your time. Offer acceptance and
understanding. Listen to people, specially to children and the elderly. This
will teach us that giving and receiving are the same.

So on this holiday, remember: Unconditional love wants to give itself
freely. Fear based giving always wants a return on investment.
May everyone have a wonderful and blessed Holiday.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 12/26/2006 10:49 AM (GMT -6)   

Atthebeach , that is so true and I think IMO it could help a lot of people if they tried to think in that manner.

I'm gonna print it off so I can look at it when I need to :-)

Thankyou for sharing ,

Smiler tongue

Bipolar Moderator
DX : Bipolar , Panic Disorder , GAD , OCD.
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 12/26/2006 11:18 AM (GMT -6)   
I have found that when I give freely and unconditionally, (ok, maybe sometimes I get a little tired and grumpy.) tongue I forget about me and my problems for a while. Gives me a lift... so I actually get something in return for my giving... At least that is how it works for me.
~ Jeannie

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."

- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 12/31/2006 4:08 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi, I am sorry but I have had to edit out your signature.  Signautes according to the forum rules and guidelines need to be 10 lines or less.  Thank you ~ Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 12/31/2006 6:00:57 PM (GMT-7)

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