I eliz, Welcome to healing well forum, we are happy to have you. It sounds as if you have been going through this for quite sometime now. Is your daughter living with you? Perhaps there is a community support system in your area that she can become involved with or join such as pathways that would assign her a caseworker, set her up in an apartment and help her with daily living skills. This would take a lot of the pressures off of you hopefully. Pathways Org. is nationwide so you can call your state Division of Mental Health to get information on it if this is something your interested in.
As to your question or post, I would also wonder if she is bipolar as people who just have depression are not known for erratic behaviors as you have described here. You could try talking to her psychiatrist if you have a release to do so. Otherwise, I would set up specific boundaries with your daughter and stick to them. It will be difficult to sit back and see her get herself into trouble but she will have to learn one way or another...Please do feel free to continue to post here as we have some very supportive people here always willing to help. Take care and good luck with your daughter.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Hi eliz2f...Wow, I'd just like to say what a fantastic supportive parent you have been..my goodness you deserve a gold medal :)) You know that although your daughter has many areas in her life that she struggles with..at the end of the day she is really accountable for them and sometimes we become a little too dependent on those around us to help pick up all the pieces when things go bad..it's so easy for us to just to whisk in and sort it all out..this may sound harsh but sometimes us parents have to take a step back when there's a prob and question how the heck it all happened...then question the child involved asking how 'they' intend to solve the prob..and the decide if our help is necessary..it's always hard to be a back seat driver..and a learning curve for all lol. I am wondering if you manage to have a life for yourself amongst all this?
Take good care.
You have really been through the wringer for your daughter, who has clearly taken advantage of you. You need to put her out of your house, before she drags you into any more of her drama. You have gone way above and beyond your duty as a mother. Time to stop. Give yourself a break.
Actually, she has probably dragged you into legal trouble, regarding the credit card she got in her son's name. You have been helping her out monetarily, which ties her finances to yours. There no way to differenciate what she did with any money you gave her, so she can claim that you were in on the scam. You need to protect yourself and cease supporting your daughter in any way regarding her finances. She should be getting her own lawyer to file for divorce and any possible alimony (and probably to defend her in court).
In clear terms, your daughter has committed credit card fraud, which I'm pretty sure is a felony. Just by opening the account in her son's name, without his prior knowledge or approval, is a felony. If you gave her any money once you found out about the card, you unfortunately have made yourself an accessory to credit card fraud, especially since you chose to not to tell your grandson. You need to talk to a lawyer immediately, first regarding your legal position regarding the fraud, then about how to properly inform your grandson.
By not informing him immediately when you found out, you allowed your daughter to take advantage of you and put you squarely in violation of the law. You need to inform your grandson immediately, as his credit has already been affected. Not to mention that you have covered for your daughter again, while throwing your grandson to the dogs. Your grandson needs to contact the credit card company and report the account fraud.
This will also have to go through the legal system, in order to get this account cleared from his credit record. I'm not sure how the three credit bureau's go about clearing his record, but it needs to be taken care of immediately, especially if there were late or missed payments. It's a real pain to get a credit problem resolved, and your poor grandson is going to have to come back to the states to a big mess. He's going to feel betrayed by his mother and by you. You should think long and hard about what you are going to say to him, so you don't become estranged. A lot of people in your position never reclaim an amicable relationship with the injured party.
Sorry for such a long post. I've been very long-winded lately, probably because I never go out and talk to people. Please distance yourself from your daughter and her problems before it totally destroys your life.
Best of luck and let us know how you are doing.
Thanks for clearing up things regarding your post. I can relax now. I was just visualizing you being halled off in handcuffs. Whew, I so glad that situation is cleared up. I'm proud of you for sitting your daughter down and laying out the ground rules. Now that I know you're OK for now, I'm going to bed. I'm having an epidural in my lower spine for some major back problems in the morning.
Have a good one,