Can you explain this to me?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 206
   Posted 12/31/2006 4:50 PM (GMT -6)   
What does it mean if you make all sorts of suicidal comments, yet really don't feel suicidal? I think about killing myself, or dying, and sometimes make allusions to it in conversation, but I don't really have that intention or desire. It is not that I want to die, it is that I want to live and feel I am not. I think about what people would say or do if I were gone, how it would be for my children, husband, family, friends. Do others have these type of thoughts? Is this something that should be of concern? I mean, I don't think it is one of my more attractive features, but it isn't the same as actually being suicidal either. Could someone explain this to me?

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 12/31/2006 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
good question. i personally look forward to death but would never take matters in to my own hands. it is the ultimate act of selfishness. my situation is so complicated and when i try to explain it, people think i'm just refusing answers. i haven't found the answer so i find myself dreaming wishing and praying that God would take me. i hope someone can answer your question because i'd also like to know!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 12/31/2006 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Pasara, I am so sorry that you feel like this.  I wonder if you have tried counseling or are in counseling now?  The reason that I ask is that since you in your own words dont have a desire to harm yourself but just want to see how others would react to the thought or situation of you being "gone" in this manner leads me to think that this is attention seeking for whatever reason I dont know.  But I am sure if it was addressed in counseling it could help.   

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 12/31/2006 8:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Pasara and Hollygo,
Recognizing that you have issues is the first step.  There is no shame in admitting you need some kind of help.  Secondly, seeing a mental health professional is mandatory.  There are many medications that can help with this "thought" problem.  When I recognize that I'm starting to have these irrational thoughts, I call my doctor and get a prescription of a medication called Risperdol.  Taking it for a while makes all the irrational thoughts go away, then I stop taking it unless the need returns.
Having "suicidal or irrational thoughts" is not an uncommon thing, especially when you have a lot of stress in your life.  If you mention these thoughts to other people, you are basically crying out for attention and reassurance that your life has value.  Most people that do this RARELY actually want to die.  This can also happen to people that are mourning the loss of a family member, friend, or even a pet.  During these times, major depression may sink in, as is the case especially during special occasions or holidays.  These people can't imagine going on without their loved one, but don't have the physical motivation to do themselves in.  People can also outwardly express their distress through physical actions, like refusing to eat, take medication, or even by cutting or inflicting pain on themselves.  Secretly, these people really want someone to intervene, to notice their cry for attention.
Other people that can have "suicidal thoughts" can be people that have to deal with chronic or severe pain.  I get these kind of thoughts when I have an excruciating migraine.  It's not that I want to die, but I have a strong urge, and physical sensation to slice my wrists open.  The "suicidal thought" is more like the desire to open up a pressure valve, to divert the pain from my head.  Rationally, I know that I have no desire to kill myself, and I recognize the thought is just that, a thought.  I also know that if I give in to the thought, I could die, and that's not what I want.  Thus, I don't act on the thought.  They are tough to get rid of though.
The vast majority of truly "suicidal people" are seriously depressed, and very seldom voice their wish to die to others.  They either seek out help for themselves, if they are strong enough, or if someone recognizes the symptoms and intervenes. 
If nobody intervenes, they carefully prepare their affairs as not to be a burden on those left behind.  These preparations can take quite a bit of time if the person is on the OCD side, not so long if they quickly become dispondent.  During this period, people around them may be able to pick up on some signs, withdrawal from people, friends and/or family, or normal activities.  They may change the kind of friends they hang around with, the way they dress, or the music that they listen to. They may clean out their physical possessions by giving sentimental items away.  They may concetrate on getting their finances in order. 
On another level, a person contemplating suicide may concentrate or obsess on how they are going to complete the task.  This could be done by collecting pills, researching methods on the internet, taking an interest in chemistry, etc... There are even web sites dedicated solely to the subject of suicide.
Keeping close watch on these people is vital, and checking the history on any computers the person has access to my provide lifesaving clues.
I guess the bottom line is that we all have to be our brother's keeper.  If you, or someone you know, is thinking about, showing signs of preparation for suicide, or even acting strangely, get professional help immediately.  There is nothing worse than survivor guilt, especially if signs are there and get ignored.
Nothing is so bad it's worth dying over.  Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.
Leigh Ann

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/1/2007 8:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I lost a best friend 6 years ago. She gave no warning. A week before she took her life she called me and gave me a lecture about getting out of my abusive marriage. We talked about plans,like taking a road trip just the two of us. Stopping at little towns along the way. We talked about how we would act when we were both single. That last line was the only indication she had given me after her being married for 4 years that she was unhappy. She called me right before she pulled the trigger.She asked me to tell her daughter how much she loved her. She only gave me a 5 minute notice that she was going to do something. Then she was gone. I struggle everyday about what signs I should have seen. about not being able to get to her to stop her. I am angry with her for not telling me what was going on. I am sure she thought I had enough on my plate,but she was my only contact on the outside world that gave me hope for a better life. I loved her with my soul.
I get upset when I hear people say that she was selfish for taking her own life. She was in a dark hole and could not see light at the end. Her world was falling apart and she was tired of fighting. She was not a selfish person,but she was a very prideful person,and in order to keep what was left of her dignity she took her life. She left a family that to this day cannot listen to certain songs as it brings tears. A mother who breaks down and screams at the top of her lungs just to try to cope with some of the grief. When someone takes their life,they take a part of their families life too.
I just wanted you to see the other side of what you are threatening...
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 206
   Posted 1/1/2007 5:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been seeing a therapist since last spring. I don't really tell her the extent of these thoughts because I don't want her to overreact. We have talked about how I feel like I'm just taking up space on the planet, nothing to look forward to and general negative thought patterns though.

I don't know, maybe I gave the wrong impression, or asked my question wrong. It is not that I am threatening or expressing obvious suicidal thoughts to people. I don't say things like "what would you do if i weren't here" or "I wish I were dead" or whatever. I say things like there is nothing really to look forward to, no reason to be here. The most outright thing I have said is "if I feel this way still in a year I don't think I'll bother with 2008." Are these what are termed "suicidal thought/comments?"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 1/1/2007 6:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, Pasara. 
Those are considered "suicidal" thoughts.  They indicate that you are very depressed, but by making statements like that you are begging other people for attention.  You don't really seem to be suicidal, just very depressed.  The more you make these statements, to get a rise out of people, the less weight they will give them.  Unfortunately, if you are not activly working to stop making these statements, and with your therapist on improving your depression, you may actually become suicidal.  However, by previously "crying wolf" so many times, no one may take you seriously, and you may actually get dispondent enough to act on the suicidal thoughts.
You need to tell your therapist exactly what you are thinking and saying, otherwise, you are not going to make any positive progress.  If you are not going to be straight with your therapist, you're just throwing money down the drain, and not getting any better.
I would also discuss with your doctor, the option of taking Risperdol, an excellent medication for stopping these thoughts and other irrational thoughts.
Please let us know how you are doing.  BIG HUGS!!!
Leigh Ann cool

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 1/1/2007 6:55 PM (GMT -6)   

When I was in the hospital one of the therapist always said....desperate people do desperate things.....and that suicide is a very permanent solution for a fleeting, desperate thought. I took away a lot from this and try to remember it on the bad days...

Sending a big hug to you.


God, Please Grant Me,

The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The Courage to change the things that I can,

and The Wisdom to know the difference……….Just for Today


Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder, PTSD, Degenerative Disc Disease (post Fusion),  Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia,  Restless Leg Syndrome, Maigraine Syndrome, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD


Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/2/2007 9:22 PM (GMT -6)   
I have these thoughts all of the time. I only mention it on here from time to time or to my Mom and best friend. I know that I can't do it but sometimes I wonder if it is just a matter of time. I hope not. Never take these feelings lightly. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
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