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Dj0427
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/5/2007 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone - I'm new to these boards and I just wanted to talk with someone about my depression.  I have battled depression for most of my adult life.  I was diagnosed with ADD and none of the medicine works well for me.  The Straterra was the worst medicine I've ever been on - it made me obsess about my fear of death and dying.  It was awful - but once I got off it I was fine.  I am now taking Wellbutrin and Lexapro.
 
Anyway, the most troubling symptom I have been having lately is that I hate to be around my kids.  I love them so much, but when I drop them off or when they go to sleep, I breathe a sign of relief.  I feel so horrible.  I can't keep my house clean - it looks like we live in with pigs and all I do is sit around and watch television.  I desperately want to feel good again!!  Do you guys have any words of wisdom you could share with me?  I really want to be able to spend time with my kids and enjoy it - not waiting for the moment that they are our of my hair!!

frassy
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/5/2007 3:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there. Well, I don't have words of wisdom but I do have words to reassure you that feeling relieved when the kids are gone is pretty normal when you are experiencing a bad time. So is not getting the housework done and watching a lot of t.v. Although I do not have the answer for what will make you feel better and therefore want the kids around and feel like cleaning or something other than t.v., I highly suggest you go easy on yourself because to get down on yourself for not wanting the kids around or not housecleaning is going to give you something else to feel bad about. Just tell yourself these are normal things with depression and cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to feel relieved when the kids go and to not get all the housework done. Know that as you feel better, you will be more inclined to want the kids around and to clean the house. Depression is like a bad knee--you have to favor it a little while at the same time you have to work it a little. Know that you will not work as well as you usually do while you are depressed, accept that, and know that as you feel better, the rest will come. Just don't get down on yourself for feeling like you do for you will just feel worse. Give yourself a break while you are healing as if you just had surgery or something. Be kind to yourself and go easy on yourself. As you get to feel better, and I am sorry I don't have the answer to that for you, you really will feel more like yourself and like doing the things you used to. Know this is temporary and just be easy on yourself. Feelings are automatic. To feel relieved when the kids go is just a natural response to a depression. It isn't a reflection of who you are but of what you are enduring right now. My words of wisdom are be good to yourself, be patient with yourself, and cut yourself some slack. Don't expect what you don't have right now and just know it will come along as you do.

frassy

countrygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/5/2007 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
 I don.t know any advice,except,get help,like everyone told me and I am....But I can say I hope you get better and can enjoy life again....

Take care everyone...I care


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/5/2007 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I have always said that the one of the worst parts about being in the midst of a "crisis" (which includes a depressive state) is having kids- you so want to be there for them but it is much easier to not have to deal with them.  I find now that I breathe a sigh of relief when I drop my 15 year old off at school in the morning, and, hate to admit it, but am almost looking forward to my daughter going back to college after semester break (she is such a great kid, but just seems to disrupt our normal flow when she is home). I think these feelings are very normal when we don't feel well ourselves.  As women, our tendency seems to be to take care of everyone else before we take care of ourselves. So, I think some great advice was given- we need to allow time for ourselves and to let go of the need to be perfect (why can't I take my own advice?-LOL) I have found that taking a walk helps somewhat- it is time for "me" and allows me to clear my brain a little bit.  (By the way, my husband gently mentioned yesterday that our house looks like a pig sty- he has been helpful around the house, but I just don't have the push right now to straighten everything- and I used to be a neat freak!! I think we just have to let go of certain things and not be so hard on ourselves!!

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/6/2007 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dj, Welcome to healing well forum, we are happy to have you join us here.  I am guessing that your divorced and remarried? and your kids live with your ex?  your probley also male too?  if I am wrong please do correct me here.  What I would ask is at what age were your kids when you seperated from your first wife?  This would have alot to bear on your outlook of the day to day raising of children.  Also, It is proven that most people who have ADD have some symptoms of OCD which may also be part of what the problem is here too.  It may be something you want to discuss with your thearpist or psychiatrist.

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/8/2007 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dj
I am a mother of 2. Believe me I have been realived several times when my kids went to school,or bed.
I had severe anxiety and panic attacks when my house was messy. Then it went into severe depression. I think that it was because I felt I could not control most things in my life,but if I could control how my house looked I felt alot better. It became obsessive to the point to where when my kids went to bed I would stay up very late making sure that last load of laundry was done (my daughter tells me now that she did not worry about when she would be able to wear her favorite outfit because it was clean the next day).
anyway I just wanted to tell you to not feel bad about being a normal mom. We love our kids but it is nice to have a break.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


Dj0427
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/8/2007 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for your responses. It helps to know I'm not alone.

ELS - I'm a mom of 2.

I really wish I cared what my house looked like. My husband is extremely disappointed in the fact that I just don't do anything. I jokingly told him that laziness is an addiction, but it kind of is. I was watching "Girl, Interrupted" yesterday and someone said something that made a lot of sense - I am allowing myself to indulge in my flaws. I had never looked at it that way before. Don't get me wrong, I do feel terribly guilty. I've also noticed that I have a kind of cycle. In Spring, I am so upbeat and happy and don't mind doing things, Summer, is pretty much the same. I love Fall, but I tend to start "winding down". By December, I'm a zombie. I don't want to do anything. I have mitral valve, and my doctor says that in the colder months, depression is worse because there is less sunlight.

Anyway - thanks so much for listening! This has really been a lot of help!

God Bless!

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/8/2007 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Dj, No your not alone...I watched Girl, Interruped yesterday too on LMN (my ex called it the man haters channel...lol!).  Hmmm, allowing yourself to indulge in your flaws?  I think that is something that most of us do.  Especially women, we worry about our weight, hair, broken fingernails, on the not so superficial fronts...disabilities.  I have MS, an autonomic disorder and also heart problems which has caused me to have a pacemaker at 32 yrs of age.  I tend to hibernate in the winter months and not want to do as much as I do the rest of the year.  This is actually very common for most people.  Dont feel guilty for your feelings as they are very much valid.  :-)

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Lilly113
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 1/8/2007 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
have you looked into SAD (seasonal affective disorder) where you get depressed in the winter months when there is less sunlight. you can get light-boxes which giove out a light which is similar to sunlight and increases seratonin or something!?
my doc thought this was what i had until i developed depression all year around! lol
i think we all feel a bit worse at this time of year so dont beat yourself up about it, allow yourself not to feel on top form and give your self time to heal from within xx
  • Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. (Langston Hughes)

 

  • It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top. (Arnold Bennet)

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