don't have a lot to give you all right now but I'm cheering for you in my prayers...

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hopefulmigrainer
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/6/2007 12:10 PM (GMT -7)   
My previous post "Why are some days so bad" was locked for some reason.  I just wanted to thank you for all of your support and let you know that you are all on my prayer list.  I'm not doing too well.  Seriously think I have to go to the hospital.  I am sooo much pain from working the temp job and that leads to depression and suidical thoughts.  If I can't work, I don't know what I will do.  I have no family support or friends that can lend a room.  I don't blame them really.  I can't bear to give up my doggie - my reason for living.  I will need to (finally) apply for full time SSI disability.  I was bound and determined not to have to live that life and I don't know how I will manage while they are processing/approving paperwork b/c I'm out of money.  They won't allow you to work at all while the claim is being processed.  They require that you are totally disabled and therefore cannot work.  I don't know why God is allowing me to suffer so much.  I have tried so hard.  I know that I have a really good heart and my brain is competent.  But my adrenal system is shot and my neck (3 discs), chronic migraine and what seems to be trigger point pain (like fibromyalgia) seem to have gotten the best of me.  I can only do so much b/c of this broken body.  I still have FAITH in God but my spirit is broken too. 
 
Thinking of you and praying for you.
Kelly


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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Post Edited (hopefulmigrainer) : 1/6/2007 5:03:13 PM (GMT-7)


FamilyGuy
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 1/6/2007 12:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly,

Only Peter can lock threads. He usually does this when the threads get so long it is hard to navigate through the pages of responses.

I hope you can find some relief. You will always have friends here. Please keep in touch. Remember, we are here for mutual support. If you are down, let others here take some of the burden...
Jon
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret."
-- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet
 
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athmlldy411
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 1/6/2007 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
don' t mean to step in on a post not directed to me but i just wanted you to know that i really am thinking of you and hoping for the best.

not trying to be all religious or anything but God will not put more on us than we can handle so i KNOW that you can get thru this. we don't understand why things happen to good/great people but they do unfortunately. i felt like this when we found out my mom had breast cancer and the 2 yrs later when it came back. but i am thinking of you and good luck

God bless you all

Annuk
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1308
   Posted 1/6/2007 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly, I just wish there was more I could do for you, but you are in my prayers and will continue to be so if I hear from you regularly or not!!! That means while you may have to go into hospital for a while please know you will still be prayed for!!!! Then we can talk again via email!!!!

Hang in there Kelly, it does not feel like it now but this will pass and things will get better!!!!!

(((((hugs)))))) and take care

Ann

els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/6/2007 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Kelly,
     I am so sorry that things in your life are not working out right now.  I know that you have been praying for something, anything to come through due to your circumstances.  I just wanted to tell you that I did not request your thread be locked.  I am sure Peter locked it due to length as Jon stated in his post...usually, I do request that threads be locked once they reach 50 or so posts but I left yours alone as I felt that it was a benefit to you and those who were posting to it also.  You are always more then welcome to start another thread like that or call it x2 or something...
Even if you dont I want you to know I am going to keep you in my prayers so that you get better.  I have been there with my depression several times and it is a very scary place.  You have many friends here regardless of how you feel right now you do.
Elisha

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
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hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/6/2007 5:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Gosh, thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot to me. I just spent the last 4 hours in the Emergency room. My neck and shoulders have been in extreme pain b/c of sitting at computer/desk and trying to sit all day with good posture and the reaching for the phone, etc. I thought I can do it but it triggers very bad pain in my body. I cannot tolerate narcotics of any kind. I just throw them all out of my system. I was given a shot of Toradol, a very strong anti-inflammatory. I seem to have more movement in my neck but my shoulders are still very sore. Ice, heat and back to bed.

Love & blessings to you all.
kelly
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/6/2007 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly-
Just wanted you to know I, too, am praying for you- you have always been so kind and encouraging to me, even in the midst of your problems- you don't know how much I have appreciated that!! Please keep us posted and let us know if there's anything we can do!

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/8/2007 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear a.l. Thank you so very much for your prayers. I need them! Let me know how I can pray for you, otherwise I will lift you up in general b/c God knows you by name and He knows what you need. I will pray that He would help you.
Hang in there.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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hollygo
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 1/8/2007 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly, I read a long post of yours on the anxiety forum. It really gave me a better understanding of what you are going through. I'm still pretty new to this site and it was a real shock to read that post. I guess I assumed that Mods were in a better place in order to become Mods. It was a real eye opener. I am so sorry and I can't stop crying for you. The good news is that you put things into perspective for me. You reminded me that my life has been much worse than it is now. I realize I need to stop obsessing about my fiance and thank God for what I DO have. While I pray for others on this forum, I need to pay special attention to you until you get through this crisis. You have no idea how much you have touched my life in such a short time. I am so grateful for you and thank God for you. You (and your dog) are in my prayers. Please keep us posted.
Be Blessed & Be A Blessing
Hollygo

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/9/2007 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi hollygo, Thank you for taking the time to write to me and share that my opening up has helped you in some small way. Your prayers for me mean so much to me. I can't express my gratitude. It is people like YOU that have helped me in a very short time climb out of this whole. You know, I was just a member posting on the A/P and although I was going through an extremely anxious time, I was on an SSRI that was helping me with my depression. My pdoc took me off of that SSRI and I made a nosedive into black hopelessness. A few days ago I resigned as a Moderator b/c I am going through so very much and didn't feel I could keep up with everyone on the forum and that I had so many problems of my own. Truthfully, I asked another member if he would consider volunteering and he wrote a post "FOR ME." Having everyone write to me and support me (like yourself here) gave me wings to fly.

All of the moderators suffer with the affliction of the group and are volunteers. You, too, could be a volunteer. You are helping many people on here.

YOu will be in my prayers as well.

God bless,
Kelly
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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Green Lantern
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 1/9/2007 2:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi hopeful,
 
I will be praying for you as well.  I've been doing a lot of prayer and meditation lately and one of the topics recently was that god will not burden us with more than we can handle.  I know thats hard to believe sometimes, but it is one thought that has gotten me through a lot of really tough, long days this year.  The other meditation theme that has been common so far is that we only have to bear the burden of the next 24 hrs., tomorrow will take care of itself.  I have taken this one step further in that I break the next 24 hrs. into pieces.  For example, before work, I think I just have to get to work, then I just have to make it to lunch for a break, then just make it through the afternoon until I can go home, then just an hour with the kids, then relaxation, then sleep.  Its not a fun existence at this point, but its the best I can do.
Bipolar Mixed


tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 1/9/2007 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hopeful,

I completely relate with everything you have said. It is so difficult for us to deal with the illness, then add working into the mix, and the stress is increased tenfold. I am in the same situation. I have asked for my hours to be reduced at work, but they denied my request. I really need the money, but I just can't manage to make it through the day. I am going to try harder and try to take Green Lantern's advice about trying to take the day just a small bit at a time. I will keep you in my prayers as well, and I just wanted you to know that I appreciate your efforts as a mod while suffering yourself. I can imagine that wasn't easy, and I think you did the right thing to just take care of YOU for now. ((((Hugs)))),

Bear
"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
"Turn this car around... I'm goin' back..."
Tom Petty
 
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1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 1/10/2007 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kelly,

I hope you are having day. How are things going with your new doctors? I am praying for you.




Levonne

 "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within.

 It is there all the time."
– Anna Freud

Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder, PTSD, Degenerative Disc Disease (post Fusion),  Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia,  Restless Leg Syndrome, Migraine Syndrome, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD, TMJ

 


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/10/2007 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone, thank you for your care and concern.

Green - thank you for your prayers. Your advice is right on! Sometimes I think my mind is trying to drive me crazy. Too many directions, too much input, too many life changes...just too many. The only time I feel well is when I give myself permission to relax. So, it's important for me to incorporate that into my day as well.

Tangerine, I'm sorry that you are suffering as well. Thank you for your prayers and your kind words. You hang in there, okay? This too shall pass.

Levonne, I have psyche doc appt. and an appt. with my pain doc this Thursday. I will be able to f/u with the pain doc on appealing the HMO decision about the nerve block treatments.

I have some good news too. I received a call today from the company that I interviewed with a couple of weeks ago. They want me to come in for 3 more assessments (wow, they are thorough!) and to meet with the top dog (again). I pray that it is God's will that I get this job b/c it would solve a lot of my problems. Then with money I could get some treatments to help me manage the pain. Right now, I can't go to the chiro, accupunturist, nothing b/c no money
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


Annuk
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1308
   Posted 1/10/2007 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Kelly, that is good news, I am praying that something will come of this for you!

take care

Ann
Co-Moderator of the Migraine/Headache Forum


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/10/2007 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly, I really, really, really hope that this works out for you.  We should all be able to access medication and treatment when we are in pain, what has gone wrong with this world of ours? I am praying for you as hard as I can. (((((hugs))))) and I'm so glad this thread has started up again, I really missed it!
Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/10/2007 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ann & Meg, I have 2 more good things to report. I went to my hairdresser to ask her to help me buy the color formula myself (I'm usually light auburn with bronde highlights) but with money being nil, I was tempted to buy the color out of a box at the store then I thought, oh man, what if my hair falls out or turns pink, I don't need that on top of the rest of my problems. Well, turns out she has been through depression and quietly told me about a place that will do psychiatric work for free (at least they did 7 years ago) AND, she cut and colored my hair for free. :)

I just got home and the company that I was to go in on Friday for assessments and to meet with the big guy again, called, and they said that they sent the assesments to me via a link (online) and to complete them prior to my coming in. I hope this means what I think it means!!!!! I might be getting an OFFER on Friday. This is the only company/position that I've felt right about and God willing, it is His plan all along.

I have to be out of my apartment by 1/26/06. My lease expired 1/1/07 but the Management has been willing to have me go month to month on the same lease rate (otherwise it goes up $230). I had to give my notice b/c I have zero money and I don't want an eviction and since this is not a Mom and Pops complex, they will serve the 3-Day pay/quit and then I wouldn't be able to pay and then I would get the whopping attorneys fees, regardless of whether I found a job and paid the rent. Now, the dilemna has been, am I going to have to move out (to my Mom's - in another County) at the risk of getting her kicked out and then if I do get this job commute up to 2 hours each way? So, long story short, if I could get an offer SOON, I might be able to buy more time at my apartment and I could look for a "real" roommate situation b/c I would have a job.

Please keep your prayers coming. I know that God is listening. My prayers are with you too!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/10/2007 6:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Kelly, it is soooooooooo great to hear good news from you!!!! It's your time to go "up the hill" now, rather than down!! You deserve the best and I am praying it is coming your way on Friday!! So, relax and breathe... and let us know!!!!

Annuk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1308
   Posted 1/11/2007 12:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Still hoping for you Kelly, but most of all praying!!!

(((((hugs))))))

Ann
Co-Moderator of the Migraine/Headache Forum


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/11/2007 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah   yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm doing my happy dance for you Kelly.  That was so lovely that your hairdresser did your hair for free, it just show's that wonderful things do happen to wonderful people like you!  Best of luck with the job, I've got all my fingers and toes crossed for you and my kitten does to.  :-)
Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


hollygo
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 1/11/2007 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
still praying for ya girl! also, thanking God for prayers he has already answered!

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/11/2007 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi everyone, your posts are very encouraging.  I appreciate your support.  Had bad "pain" day today, tired, frightened about demanding job(s) with pain.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I'll let you all know what comes of my 4th (and hopefully FINAL) interview.  :)


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Post Edited (hopefulmigrainer) : 1/11/2007 11:11:47 PM (GMT-7)


1dayatatime
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 1/12/2007 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Kelly,

I am so happy for your and will be praying for you today. The company has to very interested or they would not have you taking all those assessments! I bet you get the offer today! What a wonderful way to start the weekend.

Sending you a big hug!

Levonne

 "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within.

 It is there all the time."
– Anna Freud

Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder, PTSD, Degenerative Disc Disease (post Fusion),  Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia,  Restless Leg Syndrome, Migraine Syndrome, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD, TMJ

 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/12/2007 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I second that hug!!!! I'm trying to write an application for my dream job (scary)....I'm still keeping all my appendages crossed for you :-)
Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/13/2007 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
 
Well, I would have liked to write with good news but instead I had a very distressing and pain-filled day.
 
I went to the interview (#4) yesterday promptly at 9:20.  When I got there I was given yet ANOTHER assessment.  This is called a DISC.  Anybody heard of it?  Another test to determine style.  I don't know, I don't get to see the results.  I just jump through all of the hoops.  The HR lady asked me if I had any questions and I said "yes" has a job title/description been determined?  Which I of course assumed it had and she said, yes, the Manager will be able to talk to you about this.  She said this is a new position (known) and a "great opportunity" and that I would be working very closely with the top dog (for all California).  They kept checking on me and telling me that they were shorthanded and corporate was scoring my assessments, etc.  10:30 rolls around and I am told "I have to apologize to you.  Something has come up and the Manager will not be able to meet with you afterall."  "Hopefully, you won't have to come back but the Manager has all of the information and can make a decision."  Something "inside" is going on and I don't know what it is. 
 
I do know that the current ADMIN is not working out for the top dog b/c of youth and inexperience.  Well, when I checked in, the receptionist called HR (the gal I was supposed to ask for was in orientation) and told her "she is not on the calendar."  I overheard her and explained to her that I was meeting with the Branch Manager but was asked to ask for the HR gal.  She asked me what the position was.  I told her and then she said "oh, is that what it is."  Well, if this was "confidential" I did not know.  I did get the feeling immediately afterwards that she was "fishing."  I told the HR lady when she was sitting with me and she said "yeah, the ears are really perking up around here."  Ughhh.  They wasted my time. 
 
Let me tell you, friends, I woke up that morning with a MIGRAINE and SEVERE neck/shoulder pain.  I had to keep myself from cyring my eyes out.  Sitting there waiting for 1 hour, I felt like I was going to throw up and I kept praying for the Manager to come and get me.  When they came and told me that he couldn't meet with me, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  What am I to make of this?  I think that he should have at least come out himself and shook my hand and apologized to me.  Now, I know my IQ so it can't be that I scored poorly on the "sales skills" test and I have above average "writing skills" so maybe the "temperament" thing. I am not a "dominant" style but rather an intuitive/steady style. Maybe that's not what they're looking for. I dunno! I'm feeling jerked around though.
 
What do you think?
 
Now, I am at a point where I think I should go on long-term disability.  It will be the messiest and most difficult thing I will ever do in my life, but what the heck is God trying to tell me?  I have tried and tried to overcome the depression and anxiety but the PAIN won't go away and the doors are not staying open.  What do you think all of this means? 
 
Needless to say, I had a very bad day yesterday and the old "bad thoughts" came rushing back.  A friend came over and gave me an intense massage while watching TV and now I'm sore as he** from the pressure.  :(
 
Kelly


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Post Edited (hopefulmigrainer) : 1/13/2007 12:16:15 PM (GMT-7)

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