Hello, and welcome. I am sorry to hear you are suffering so with insomnia and depression. You have had a long battle with it and it sounds like you're getting battle fatigue as we so often do when fighting depression on a long term basis. What resources are you connected to right now??? You need to have a doctor for starters. The doctor might see fit to put you on medications that will help you sleep and help your depression. It is often hard to sleep when one is depressed. It seems you have found a resource here as well. I would encourage you to post and share how you are feeling and what is happening. Ask any questions here if you have any that we might help you with. I find it helpful with depression to find activities that can bring about a little comfort. For me it is walking in a nice wooded area, cuddling with my cat, playing with my dog, listening to my favorite tunes, and writing out what is bugging me or writing poems. Though often when depressed I have wanted to be alone, I find it helpful to be around other people. I hang out with my daughters or with a friend whenever I can. Sometimes just an outing for a coffee can help. Talking is very important when you are depressed; sharing how you feel. Usually self-harm is an outlet for negative feelings, an expression of them, so if you can find other ways to express them, such as posting here or writing or talking to a friend or therapist, that can help the self-abuse. Often our feelings are dying for expression and we suppress them. They find a way out, whether it is through depression or self-abuse or whatever. That is when we need to find a healthy way to express them, a way that doesn't hurt us but heals us. If you do not have a doctor, is there some way you can find one?? Here we have an academy of medicine that tells us who is seeing patients. There is also the Emergency Department of your local hospital that can help connect you to someone. I do not know what is in your area but please find yourself a doctor as a starting point, and if you already have one go to him or her and tell him or her how badly you are feeling. Often an anti-depressant gives us the push we need to get doing other things that will help us feel better. They take the edge of the depression off and many of them help with sleep. Please keep us posted as to how you are feeling and what resources you are finding to help you, and remember we are a valuable resource for you here as well. I am glad you took the time and energy to share with us. It isn't easy to take that step when you are depressed, self-harming, and not sleeping. It is often easier to withdraw. You show obvious strength in that you reached out, and people can help you draw upon that strength in your recovery from this horrible illness with which you have been afflicted. We care here, so please keep us up to snuff. In the meantime, my thoughts are with you and I look forward to hearing more as to how you are doing and also getting to know you better. The best of luck to you, and keep talking!!!!
And there came a time when the risk it took
to stay tight inside the bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom