First of all, let me welcome you to the Depression Board. Our purpose is to support each other, pass on personal experiences, and guide you in the general direction of getting help.
You didn't mention in you post if you are on any medications, or are involved in any type of therapy. You said your boyfriend refers to you as "bi-polar". Is he basing this on an official diagnosis or just from personal observation by others? From observing the format of your post, it seems like you have a bit of OCD, making short statements and putting them in bullet form. It's very rigid and controlled. I think you have put off seeking out help for your situation, not wanting to admit to "officially" having a chemical imbalance.
Also from your post, you admit to wild swings in mood, from feeling good to bad and then back again. This is called cycling, which is a classic symptom of being a "manic-depressive" person. You also seem to want to be in control of every aspect of your life, which is not possible for anyone. You also seem to cycle fairly rapidly, which is the most difficult part of being bi-polar. You want to be in control, and swinging back and forth makes this impossible. I can see how not being in control of this could sabotage any kind of close relationships.
My suggestion is that you make an appointment with your regular doctor immediately and give them a list of your symptoms. Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. In the meantime, your regular physician should be able to prescribe some medication to calm things down, and get you through until your appointment with the psychiatrist. Also ask for a recommendation to a psychologist/counselor, with whom you can talk to and work out some of you old baggage and put it behind you. You also can work on trying to release the stress that builds up when you can't control everyhing in your life.
I hope this has been of some help to you. Please let us know how you are doing.
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