Hello everyone, I am a 27 year-old female who was laid off in Nov. and am looking for work and spiraling into a deep depression.
I have suffered with depression all my life it seems and with all the bad things that have happened in my life, I am not sure if I will ever be better.
I have been struggling financially since I left an emotionally abusive relationship five years ago plus my inability to find employment is has me in tears most of the day and awake a night. I spend all day every day looking and applying for jobs but can't seem to get any interviews and my bank account is all but gone, plus my last employer is for some reason fighting my unemployment.
Every year I tell myself that things have to get better but they don't. I am so tried of just barely surviving and not living!
I have gone through a cancer scare, been sexually assualted, job loss, financial problems, and other hardships in my life and I am so tired of overcoming one thing only to be knocked back down by something else.
I desparately want some sort of relief with medication but I don't have any health insurance.
I live with my parents and hate that I feel like I am a burden on them and try to hide my depression because I don't want them to be concerned.
I am a Christian and totally feel like a failure at being one and am wondering if God is so dissappointed in me that I am suppose to suffer.
I wake-up every morning wanting to die, but yet I live.
I have no idea how I am going to be able to pay my bills next month if I don't find a job.
I am so exhausted from just exsisting and not sure what to do.
I know I am not brave enough to ever harm myself but I feel like I will slip into some sort of insanity if I don't get better.
They say that God works in His own time but I am so tired of this limbo and the constant fear I feel inside.
I really don't want much out of life but to work pay off past debt. I am not looking for happiness and a wonderful life, but just a life without fear and to survive this life.