First time posting and really depressed

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 1/11/2007 11:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello everyone, I am a 27 year-old female who was laid off in Nov. and am looking for work and spiraling into a deep depression.
I have suffered with depression all my life it seems and with all the bad things that have happened in my life, I am not sure if I will ever be better.
I have been struggling financially since I left an emotionally abusive relationship five years ago plus my inability to find employment is has me in tears most of the day and awake a night.  I spend all day every day looking and applying for jobs but can't seem to get any interviews and my bank account is all but gone, plus my last employer is for some reason fighting my unemployment.
Every year I tell myself that things have to get better but they don't.  I am so tried of just barely surviving and not living!
I have gone through a cancer scare, been sexually assualted, job loss, financial problems, and other hardships in my life and I am so tired of overcoming one thing only to be knocked back down by something else.
I desparately want some sort of relief with medication but I don't have any health insurance.
I live with my parents and hate that I feel like I am a burden on them and try to hide my depression because I don't want them to be concerned.
I am a Christian and totally feel like a failure at being one and am wondering if God is so dissappointed in me that I am suppose to suffer.
I wake-up every morning wanting to die, but yet I live.
I have no idea how I am going to be able to pay my bills next month if I don't find a job.
I am so exhausted from just exsisting and not sure what to do. 
I know I am not brave enough to ever harm myself but I feel like I will slip into some sort of insanity if I don't get better.
They say that God works in His own time but I am so tired of this limbo and the constant fear I feel inside.
I really don't want much out of life but to work pay off past debt.  I am not looking for happiness and a wonderful life, but just a life without fear and to survive this life.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/11/2007 11:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Christy,
Welcome to the board.
I was right where you are up until about 9 months ago. I know how hard it is to find a job,and keep up with your monthly bills.
Have you tried a temp service? It will be something to at least help you with your bills,and if you are able to get into a good company,they look at the temps when they want to hire on full time.
I would also go to your local unemployment office and ask them for help.
Also,do you have a county hospital near by? Most of them have financial programs that will go by your income,and then you would be able to see a doctor. Also,they usually have prescription program where you pay based on your income.
I am sorry for all that you are going through.
Keep your head up.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 1/11/2007 12:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the advice ShynSassy.

Actually I got my last job through a temp agency and got laid off from the job because the position was moved to India. They haven't found me any other work nor return my calls so when I filed for unemployment the protested it by lying and saying I never contacted them which isn't true. I just got back from the unemployment office today fighting my case and even crying infront of the embrassing!

I signed-up for other places but to no avail. I am in the financial industry and only have six months worth of experience plus graduate degree in finance, but everyone wants 3-5 years experience. It is so frustrating because no one seems to want to help you gain the experience!

I am hoping that things pick-up now that most places are back from the holidays, but it is so stressful day after day not hearing back and knowing that the end of the month is coming and bills will be due.

I will check into getting help because I am starting to have panic attacks as well.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/11/2007 2:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Job hunting is so frustrating!
I had to look beyond my field to find a job,I got to the point to where McDonalds was starting to look good. UGH
I would for sure check into the doctor if you can,you have to keep yourself healthy.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 1/11/2007 3:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Christy,
Welcome to Healing Well, I hope you find the site helpful and supportive to you.
I'm sorry for everything you have been going through, sounds like you have had a rough time.  These things that happen to us in life are sent to test us and do end up making us a stronger person at the end of it.  Throughout my life I've had a lot of things happen and go wrong and I always think it is neverending and I'll feel this way forever but now I am realising that I am becoming stronger from it all but it does stake time.
It sounds like you do maybe need some help from your doctor but I'm not sure how insurance works for you as I live in the UK so we don't pay for medical care.
If you can see your doctor and talk about some pathways that may help you that would be beneficial, maybe even some counselling or psychotherapy.
I used to keep all of my problems and feelings to myself as I worried that if I told people I would be a burden on them.  I have now found that it is better to be honest and since I have been my father and step-mother have been so supportive of me and really helped me through a difficult time.  Try to be honest with the people around you, your parents love you-you are their daughter.  I'm sure you could never be a burden.
Take care and keep in touch, we are always here at the end of a computer

Victoria x


Co ~ Moderator for the Depression Forum


XX Life is worth living XX


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/11/2007 8:39 PM (GMT -6)   
 I am so sorry.I've been there recently myself sad 2006 has been the worst year of my life.But with meds I'm feeling better.And I start therapy tuesday.I know this year will be better.I almost lost faith for a moment.I just could not understand...Why the better I have done the worse it had steadily gotten.I understand as my heart has gotten so tired...But as everyone has been so here for me.I am here for you...Please know we care....I hope everything gets great... :-)
Take care everyone...I care

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 1/11/2007 9:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all the encouragment! It's so nice to hear from those who know what I am going through. When ever I talk about my depression with friends them seem to want to brush it off with pat responses like "cheerr up" or just "think positive".

It's nice to know I can come hear from support and be supportive to those who struggle with life crisis and depression.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/11/2007 10:38 PM (GMT -6)   
I, too, am searching for employment, and my husband has been out of work for 8 months.  We have 2 children; one is in college.  I have found this board to be invaluable- as, while my family and friends have been very supportive, I get "silly" advice like "try to accomplish 3 things a day and you'll feel better". One good piece of advice that I did get was from my MIL- she said "the only thing that can't be fixed is death". So, I keep hanging on to the fact that things can only get better- at some point my current situation will be resolved, and then I'll be ready to stand up for the next punch!
With a graduate degree, you have already accomplished so much in your life and things will turn around so that you can continue to succeed! Hang in there!

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 1/12/2007 6:35 AM (GMT -6)   

I am so sorry you are in pain. I totally understand.......I was admitted to a psych hospital a couple of months ago. The circumstances leading up to my admission were very similiar to yours. I am 44 and had try to "push through" depression my entire life and it caught up with me.

Do you have coverage available through COBRA? That is how I have kept coverage (I am unemployed as well).........
Please let me know if I can help.


 "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within.

 It is there all the time."
– Anna Freud

Major Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, ADHD, Binge Eating Disorder, PTSD, Degenerative Disc Disease (post Fusion),  Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia,  Restless Leg Syndrome, Migraine Syndrome, Interstitial Cystitis, IBS, GERD, TMJ


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