Can I take a break from my friends?

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christycheri924
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 1/19/2007 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Right now I have a lot of anxiety because I am suppose to hear back about a job I really want today.  The interview however didn't go as well as I wanted because I couldn't seem to get the upbeat happy-go-lucky attitude you are suppose to have.
 
I guess after doing so many interviews and being rejected I just have a hard time getting too excited because of the chance of being let down.
 
But I do have yet another temp agency interview to go to and so far none of them have found me any work.
 
Because of the lack of all this stability and the major debt I have to pay off, I just don't want to spend time with anybody.  It feels so much like a chore to be around people...especially happy people who always seem to have it all.  It sucks to be the only one who is always struggling and trying to keep my head above water.
 
I look at the people who are where I want to be and listen to their complaints about only making 80k where I barely have 100 bucks to my name and $800 worth of bills for next month or listen to them complain about their boyfriends or husbands not spending every moment with them where I wish some man would just at least acknowledge me.
 
Is it wrong of me to not spend time with these people because they make me feel worse about myself or is it okay to take a break?
 

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 1/19/2007 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Christy
Don't feel bad about needing a break girl. Sometimes you just need to be by yourself in order to get your thoughts together. I take a break from everyone a few times a year. I make my b/f go to the lake and I stay home and just do what I want.
But, don't seclude yourself for too long. I think that is easy to do with depression,and after a long period of time it can be unhealthy. You do need to interact at some point. But for now just do what you want.
Don't let anyone guilt you,it is your health not their's.
Good luck with the job search,I know you will find something,and I also know how frustrating it is too.
You can also go to the job message boards,there are alot of people that help with advice and just understand when you need to vent. I found the message boards on monster alot of help.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 1/19/2007 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Great advice Shy...
I really hope you get the job Christy!
You obviously have lots of spirit and a good attitude...don't worry about what your friends have and haven't got or when you see them etc..just concentrate on You for now..:))
Be proud you are active and out there job hunting..because it takes a lot of courage to do this eh?
Take good care and keep us posted.
Maree

punky
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/19/2007 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey don't worry about your friends. I have found that some people like to suck the life out of you if they can.

I only have 2 very close friends. However, I do keep very close to family. When I feel guilty about not spending time, I just pick up the phone and make a pie and coffee date. I only need a friend 'fix' about every 4-6 months or so.

I would be considered an introverted person with extroverted tendencies. At work I seem to shine, but not any of my co-workers would I call on as a close friend. I have to listen to them whine all day so I get enough of that.

Keep in touch when you can. If they are your true friends they will always be there for you no matter what. :-)

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 1/24/2007 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I see absolutely nothing wrong with a break either, as I am going through something similar with my friends.
 
I need to take a break from them as well, as I need to quit drinking, and that's all my friends ever do is drink.
 
I wonder if they will still accept me if I quit drinking.  I need to.  Drinking to me is like heroin to a drug addict, I can't just have one, and can't stop when I start.
 
I hope you get the break you need, it will help clear your mind, and reassess your situation.  I can't stand when friends brag about everything that's so great in their lives and make it seem so dang awful, when to me they have it just lovely.
 
*HUGS*
 
Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Lorazepam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (20 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 
 
 
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christycheri924
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 1/25/2007 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the advice guys...I just really needed a break especially since I keep going to these interviews and not getting the job...urgh!!!!!

I just really want to be stable emotionally before I start having out with my friends.

saeharr
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/25/2007 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Christy,

it's ok if our friends are doing better than us as long as they're not intentionally 'rubbing our noses in it', because that's not a nice thing to do, and if someone is doing that, they're not really a true friend.  True friends acknowledge how we're feeling, and we naturally feel safe and good around them, and want to be around them.  True friends don't go on about how much money they've got when they can see us struggling, or how happy they are with a partner if they can see we're lonely.  It sounds like you need to find some new friends.  It's not so much that our friends have changed, it's more that we have changed and need to adapt our surroundings accordingly.  I used to know a lot of people where i used to live, but i could only call about two of them true friends.  The rest were either aquaintences or fair weathered people that were only interested in me if i was ok.  I'm only in contact with those two people from my past, and i've made new friends.  I only have about five really close friends compared to all the people i used to know, but i'd rather have those five any day, because they are there for me through good and bad times, and visa versa. 

It's nothing to feel guilty about, you're at a time in life when you want support and understanding and friendlyness around you, not reminding of all the things you haven't got.  I used to feel bad inside everytime i passed a happy couple when i was a struggling single mother.  It's natural to crave those things you want the most.  As my partner always says; 'have faith, time takes care of everything'.  He's right, it took me over four years of struggling on my own, but i'm getting there now.  You'll find your ideal job and partner in time, so please don't despair.  I know that's not much comfort now when you are struggling to make ends meet, i'm still broke and struggling with debt too so i empathise with the pressures you're going through.  I keep hanging onto the 'time takes care of everything'.  I'm on a four year University course to hopefully get a job i want to be in by the end of it.  I've had more than my fair share of stacking shelves, and cleaning toilets to last me a lifetime!  Keep your eye on your goal, and don't let go of your dreams, because if you keep sight of them they will come true.

Lots of love,

Sarah :-)

P.s; look around you more when you're walking around, i bet more men are acknowledging you than you realise.  I used to be convinced i was a hologram and men just looked straight through me, or totally didn't see me altogther, until my mum pointed out if i spent as much time looking back at them as i did looking at my feet when i was walking, i'd have realised it to!!!!  It's a confidence thing, something i'm still working on!!!!

P.P.S; I had run out of steam to do the upbeat interview thing to, so at my last interview i just said; 'i know i'm supposed to be all positive, but there's a fine line between being positive and plain lying, i'm not flexible - i have a disabled son who is my priority, i'm not confident - i've been at home looking after my son a long time, but i will build my confidence up in time, and i have had depression and related things in my past but at the moment i'm doing ok!'  She laughed, she said she did honesty much better than people trying to impress her, and turned out she really liked me!  So don't be too down about your interview, some people prefer honesty, others prefer you to impress them.  You can't be miss sunshine 24 hours a day, you're only human!!!!  At least you had the courage to turn up to the interview and do your best, that's what counts :-)


'Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm....'

Post Edited (saeharr) : 1/25/2007 4:35:35 PM (GMT-7)


christycheri924
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 1/28/2007 9:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Sarah,

Thanks for your input...it was really healthful! I decided to take the time that I need and though some friends are upset about it...if they really care then they will give me the space I need.

I just found out that a friend that I went to college with also suffers from depression and is taking meds and it feels good to talk to someone who knows what I am going through.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 1/29/2007 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Christy,
 
When I was at my lowest, I didnt want to see anyone and my close group of friends were fab.  They were there for me if I wanted them but also knew when to give me some space.  If they are true friends then they shouldn't take offence at you needing a bit of time out.
 
I have a great friend who I met in hsopital and she really understands what Im going through and I understand her.  You are right, it is really good to talk to someone who really understands depression and what it feels like to be in a pit of misery.  Sometimes people can't understand depression fully unless they have gone through it.

Victoria x

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

 


|Silenced.Angel|
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/30/2007 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I know exactly how you're feeling, Christy. I've been getting to the point of no-return on my friendships, too. A lot of people don't realize that some people can't take people being around 24/7. Some people need more time alone than others.
It sounds like you're the type of person that likes to have lots of friends, but also greatly enjoys her time alone. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm the same way. If your friends are as good of friends as they're saying, they'll understand when you tell them that you need a break. People need breaks. It's common.

Let them know why you need a break and that you're figuring yourself out.

My therapist taught me a trick about negative attitudes. There's a long story to it and I don't have enough time to type the whole thing, but try putting positive words around your environment. Just write little signs out saying "Beautiful" or "Happy" or things like that. Put them up around places you're going to be and then read them while you're there. It helps change your mood.
It helped me, maybe it'll help you.

-Angel
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