Can't move on after divorce

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PennyGee
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/28/2007 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,
 
It's been five years and I can't get my life going after a 13-year marriage.  I have grown in some ways, but have now figured out that I NEED to be married...need the stability, etc.  But now I am just a mess...I wrote to my ex and he's moved on...and I'm such a mess that there is no way I can date; I've lost all of my self-confidence and sense of worth.  I know I need therapy and tried it twice with abysmal results.  How do you find a good therapist?  Is shrink better than social worker?  Where does one start, aside from the yellow pages.  I'm in  a place away from my former marriage and friends...just have family and they are frankly getting sick of my not being able to 'move on'.  (I'm the one who initiated the divorce...in hindsight, what was I thinking?)  I know I need to get involved somehow, church, social groups, but am frankly too depressed to even try that.  Any advise, any at all, would be greatly appreciated.  (I also have no job (tons of skills, but too old and depressed to even go after that).  I really just need some good advice.  Thanks.

countrygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/28/2007 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
 I am the last one to gie advice.But just wanted you to know I am going thru much of pain you went thru,Mine is also a 13 year marriage.We are here for you and I know you will gets lots of good advice... :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


countrygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/28/2007 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
 You know I really had to add more.I don't know how or if I'll ever get thru my pain,or if my kids will.But I am doing my best to get help.Therapy and anti depressants,but today has been awful.I am here....hope things get better for you....

I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 1/29/2007 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Penny,  Welcome to Healing Well.  I wonder if you have ever heard of Divorce Care Classes?  There are many churches that offer these classes to help people who have gone through a divorce.  Perhaps you may also want to look into some counseling.  It is very important for us as females to be able to find our own self worth and be able to stand on our own, not be afraid to be alone when we come out of a divorce.  This is not an easy thing to do I know as I got divorced almost 3 years ago and it has been difficult for me to move on also.  But I know that I dont need to be in a relationship to complete me or make me happy.  It took alot of counseling for me to get to that point.  Please do look into that.  Take care

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


countrygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 1/29/2007 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
 Thanks for the advice you gave penny,I will definately work with therapy and I hope it helps.I start wednesday.If I could find a group close by that would help....It is the hardest thing I've ever been thru.I will keep you guys in my thoughts...take care smurf
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!
 
I suppose I'm derranged..
 
 
Why I have not begun to Defile myself...


graceannrose
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 1/31/2007 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi PennyG,

I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time. It can be such a painful thing when the person you love no longer wants to be with you.

I know it feels like it but I hope you will re-think the idea that you NEED to be married. I feel it might be better to think that you would 'prefer' to be married.

It seems to me that depending on another person for your personal happiness is a risky business, y'know?

Perhaps if you don't feel like socializing yet you could start with taking care of yourself. Maybe you could focus on pampering yourself a little at first ... take long hot baths, drink cups of tea ... try green tea so good for you and full of anti-oxidants.

Maybe you could start doing a little light exercise ... just a little stretching in the morning, a little 5 minute walk whenver it's warm enough. I know it seems simple and obvious but it sounds as though you need to get back to basics. Watch movies that make you happy or entertaining television shows that make you laugh.

Believe me you are not too old and you have the power to create a lovely life!

Keep posting ... this is such a great place for support and the kindess of strangers has helped me so much since I joined myself. Sometimes it's just nice to know you always have a place to vent!

Hang in there :) Post often
 


pegasusdream43
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/15/2012 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel.. divorced 6months sepr almost 1yr. my x and myself have two small children together, i have older sons. my older sons ex girlfriend and my grandson now live with my xhuband and are having sex, he is 43 she 22. she babysat for us when i lived there and always thought sumthing was going on, of course he denied, just till recently they are. so our two young childrens older brothers girlfriend is with their daddy and their nephew calls their daddy, daddy... i am a total wreck. so angry wanna hurt her so bad. plz how do i move on from this jerry springer mess he created?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 2/16/2012 7:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pegasusdream43,

This is kind of an old thread, but I am so glad that you have joined us. Moving on after a divorce is hard. And I am sorry about the outcome of things. Know this isn't unusual, it happens.

Try not to feel anger towards her. It wont do you a bit of good. It will just put you in more of a funk. You have to get on with your life. Create one so to speak. Get involved in things to take your mind off of the situation. It isn't yours anymore, you make your own.

Do you see a counselor. I aslk that a lot. I have found a good counselor can really help. I think you would benefit from that. It gives you some direction and ways to cope with different situations.

I am sorry that I didn't get to your post earlier, a little under the weather. Do keep posting. If you would like, start your own thread, as I say, this is an old one.

Keep your chin up. I know, old saying. But be proud of who you are. You are a good person.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 12/17/2012 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Have you tried therapy yet? It would help you to feel independant and strong. It would help you think over decisions that you make. It will make you feel better in general. So see about seeing a therapist. I hope that you feel better and stronger soon.

Keep posting, and welcome to the forum.

Have a great day!!!

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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