My name is "harg" i am a 30 yr old man with 2 children and a loving wife... The perfect story huh... Well i wont allow it to be that way see i have relized i am an addict on many lvls the #1 is pain i am so addicted to. Have i ever been truly happy? ..i am and addict i guess of emotional and physical pain..Do you ever feel like you are screaming at the top of your lungs and nobody hears you? or like you are in a mud pit trying to get out and everytime you think you are there you fall right back in. As a child i was a victim of addicted parents i was a victim of neglect among many other thing physically and emotionall abusive father and mother who was so weak she could not see and all the family members who knew and did nothing do i mean nothing... i never had anyone to hold me and tell me it was going to be ok.. in 1995 i lost the closest most dear soul mate anyone could have my cousin Luke.. I was one of the popular ones in school the jock that everyone loved the kid that everyone wanted to be sad really the whole time i hated myself and still do i have been with my wife now 8 yrs and i fiannlly broke down to her and told here my feelins in a song..And if i show you my darkside, will you still hold me tonite? and if i open my heart and show you my weak side what would you do. Would you take the children away,. would you leave me alone? and smile in reassurance, as you whisper down the phone? or would you send me poacking? Or would you take me home? make me tear up every time i hear it ... i am so scared.. i feel so alone even with people around me who love me...I have had problems and atemps with the big S in the past ....I dont drink i dont use drugs i will not make the same mistakes my parents made.. Turning complete inoccenes in pure fear and lonliness... Does anyone know how i feel.. please i need sombody to relate with... i have never looked for professional help .. do i need it?? Harg
Harg I had to edit a part of your post due to healing well rule number 1:
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence.
(ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury
, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions
of suicide or self-harm
that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Please read Healing Well rules before posting, thankyou
Post Edited By Moderator (Victoria) : 1/29/2007 7:55:03 AM (GMT-7)