Sick of my husband

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/31/2007 10:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Just read the post from the gal who said she was sick of herself.  I can relate, but right now, I'm so sick of my husband who doesn't understand depression.  "Do you realize that these moods of yours have affected our relationship over the last several months?"  He says it as if I've been a naughty girl and need to stop being bad.  WHAT support!  How do others deal with spouses who don't understand depression, who want "this behavior" to stop, etc?  We've only been married for a year and a half.

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 1/31/2007 10:51 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry that he is unable to understand what it is like for you. My husband and I have been together for 7 years and have one daughter. When he tries to say that it is affecting the relationship and why do I act like this I usally end up telling him to go fly a kite(not near as nicely)and I have even resorted to taking him to a psyicitrist appt where all he had to do was listen and if he wanted to talk he could. This was amazing he was able to talk and communicat with out us screaming and me ending up in tears. My husband by far is not a very understanding person and is the kind of person to always feel he is right and is never able to see the other side, so when he was able to do this it was amazing, and it really helped both of us. Good luck to you and yours and it will work.
live, laugh, and always love

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/1/2007 8:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Gettingbetter
Men are not any good at emotions. I will believe this until the day I die.
They can't cope with emotions they do not understand. They don't know how to cope with tears. Men are programmed to be strong and not show emotions.So you really can't blame them for this. It is society that has created it.
My suggestion is taking him to the doctor with you. Maybe contacting the doctor beforehand and telling him what is going on. Then your doctor can sit down with your husband and explain what is going on with you,and then answer any questions he has. He can also give him some suggestions on how to cope.
Remember if he doesn't understand there is no way he can help.
Good Luck
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 2/2/2007 3:47 PM (GMT -6)   
My ex-husband said my depression and PMS problems were just an excuse for me to be a *itch. He would not talk to my or any doctor or try to learn anything about it. So when we got a dog and he bought two dog training books I was a little mad. He's been my ex for 13 years now and I am much happier alone.

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 2/2/2007 11:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry that your husband does not understand.  A year or so ago, my ex husband went through a depression, blamed the marriage etc and eventually left.   I did not understand. We are no longer married obviously which is something I have been dealing with.  Anyway, there is a book called "Depression Fallout" by Anne Sheffield which is a great book for someone who is dealing with another loved ones depression and its effects on their relationship.  She also has a website.
I think going with you to therapy is a great idea, but sometimes they are not open to it.  My ex was not.  But maybe reading this book or visiting the website will help him understand the disease a bit better.  It helped me. 
Take Care,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 2/2/2007 11:26 PM (GMT -6)   
 Hi atthebeach I am going thru what you went thru...I'm glad I read your advice to gettingbatter as I'd like to read that myself.My husband would probably go to theray eventually for me and I know for my son...but he thinks nothing is wrong with him.He says he blames hisself,but turns around and blames all kinds of other things...Take care of yourselves... :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!
I suppose I'm derranged..
Why I have not begun to Defile myself...

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 2/19/2007 2:58 PM (GMT -6)   
ShynSassy, I am sorry that you have had some difficult experiences with men understanding but I respectfully disagree with the broad sweeping generalization that men aren't good at emotions. We all learn and/or have to overcome what we are raised with. My husband grew up in the worst of emtotional circumstances. He is for me a rock of support.

Let's face it, depression does affect relationships. It is difficult to understand if you have not exprienced it. It is okay for our spouses not to understand and be confused and wish it was different. It is also okay for us to feel frustrated when they don't get it. Sometimes we don't get it, why should we expect them to get it all the time? As long as you are both willing to work toward understanding together, don't give up. I think the suggestion of having your husband go to the doctor with you is a good one. There is also a book by Tracy Thompson which is about being in a family with depression. It helped me to be able to talk to my family and husband about depression, reading it helped them understand and helped all of us feel less like blaming each other.

GettingBetter - I have to say that I love how positive and forward looking your ID is. The first years of marriage are difficult adjustments for anyone without added stressors. Try to give yourself and your husband a break and take things one step at a time.
Walk in harmony

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