OVER STESSED DISORDERS (spontaionous depression)

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TooRelax
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/4/2007 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   
This is a quick overview of my life story and hopefully you can answer questions for me, and I will give any knowledge I have towards questions on here also. I am a successful atractive 24 year old male but just that donesn't keep a man happy. In 6/4/05 I was married to a girl I knew about a year. She grew up in the system in and out of homes since she was 14. She had many problems and a lot of baggage. We had a baby girl together that was born on 2/4/05. Two months after our marriage she had an old friend down from her home state N.H. and decided to sleep with him in the woods behind my house. She then had a 4 month internet relationship with him. I learned what went on by breaking into her e-mail with my suspicisions. She also wrote she was willing to sacrafice her child to go be with him. So I confronted her with this and she wanted to stay with me and work on things. Well then I caught her sleeping with a guy in the vehicle I bought her at the place of our marriage. Then found out she slept with a guy at 2 different jobs she had that only lasted a month. She was a young beautiful attractive girl and she slept with 6 or so people in a short time in our home and vehicles. The people she was with were from a 105 pound guy that was 16 and looked 12 to 300 pound black man. She obviously is messed up yes I know. Before she ever admited to any of this or it was a shure thing in my mind she moved into an appartment down the road to work on herself and our relationship. My daughter was 13 months. She took all her things but left my daughter with me. Then 6 months later on my birthday night I caught her asking out a so called friend of mine that I got a job with me out. Then she filed emergency custody and took my daughter from me and my family. She then let the guy she asked out move in with her and got pregnant. Then she moved an hour away. Now I am involved in a custody battle. about a month ago she said she wanted counciling and addmitted to many mistakes. She said she wanted to come home. I said if she resloved the custody battle by signing it over to me she could. I already spent 5000 and I didn't trust her. She agreed and moved back in. Then three days later moved back out. She had many items we moved and she moved with her our daughter also. So all this made my life suck.
 
So my problem is stress and now to create anxiety. Throughout the end of my marrige and up untill she moved in for the three days I used *** to calm my anxiety. Most of the time it worked but its only a short term soulution to a larger problem. Now with the responsibilities of every day life I do not want to rely on an illegal substance. My court date is on Valentines day and the anxiety is getting worse. I am very confident in my career but it comes in goes in my personl life. I can sit around with a nice girl and be relaxed and talk and then bam I start to get anxity that fogs my head. Maybe I need someone to talk to? Or a pill? Some times I wish I was dumb like a friend or two of mine, you know the guy who never stops smileing. Instead I was blessed with that wonderfull thinking ability in which a time a stress you cant shut it off. How long does it take when someone ripps your heart out for your head to heal. I grew up with two sisters so I know how to talk to a woman but did this one make me afraid. I have heard the best way to heal is go out and get another woman but this one rotton apple at this time makes me want to say screw the whole basket. But again I am a man made for a woman so I must get through. So I guess this is me venting and maybe a reply will help. Thanx
 
I am sorry but I have had to edit part of your post due to forum rule 1 no discussion of illegal substances.  I hope you understand. ~ Thank You ~ Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 2/4/2007 2:24:44 PM (GMT-7)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/4/2007 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi TooRelax,  Welcome to Healing Well forum, we are happy to have you join us here.  I am so sorry for all your going through.  I cant understand how difficult it must be for you.  However, your story does sound a lot like that of my ex-husband's first marriage.  He married very young and had two beautiful girls with his first wife but she cheated on him many times.  The last was with his best friend whom he caught them in his bed together.  Pretty harsh, huh?  Anyway, he got divorced and she lost custody of the kids to my ex's parents, he didnt feel that he could take care of a one and two year old on his own and work 50 hrs a week which is the amount he worked at the time.  Afterward he dated a few girls but nothing really stuck until him and I met about a year after this.  I was 19 and he was 21.  We ended up living together for 7 yrs before we got married, were married for 5 yrs then divorced.  One of our most major issues of our relationship was trust.  He never could get past the fact that I wasnt his ex, I wasnt doing the things she did.  No matter how much time passed it never made a differance, in his mind he was stuck in that trauma that he suffered so long ago. 
 
Guys always have that train of thought that once one girl is gone that it is time to go on out and get another almost like they have to prove that they are "over it".  But when do you face up to the facts that your not over it and who do you talk to about it?  You can move on to another relationship but this baggage is going to follow you...and it is okay to say that you were hurt.  There is Divorce Care counseling that you can seek out.  Mostly these are done through churches but without the religious content and they are done in either an all male setting or an all female setting.  Also, I would recommend private counseling, this will help give you someone who is impartial to speak to that can give you some problem solving techniques with the anxiety that your suffering with.  Not only that but it will also look really good on your part in court if your seeking counseling as this can help you with parenting skills too.
 
It sounds as if your ex is a very mixed up girl and I wish you all the luck with your court date and gaining custody.  I dont know if my advice or suggests are of any help to you here but I really hope that you do seek some professional help.  I cant stress to you enough how letting these feelings go unresolved can turn into future unhappiness.
 
I am sure other members will respond to your post, everyone here is so very helpful and supportive.  Please do feel free to post again we are always here.  Take care

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/4/2007 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi TooRelax
Elisha has given you excellent advice.
I just wanted to add one more thing. I know you are fresh in the whole matter. But someday life will go on.When that time comes just try to remember that not all woman are like that. You will eventually find someone that appreciates you. And loves you just as much as you love her.
I come from the "been cheated on" side,and I had a very bad attitude towards men. In fact I thought they were all alike and would not give anyone a chance. It took a very special person to change my mind. But,he comes from the been "cheated on" side too,and now it seems we spend too much time convincing the other person that we are not that way.
Good luck with your court date,I really hope things turn out for you.
Depression Moderator
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


countrygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 550
   Posted 2/4/2007 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
 TooRelax,I am going thru a bunch of things right now myself.Can't really give much advice,just be yourself and be strong.Everyone on here has helped me alot and they make alot of sense.Sending (((((HUGS)))) :-)
I use to have a handle on life ,But it broke!!!!
 
I suppose I'm derranged..
 
 
Why I have not begun to Defile myself...


CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 2/4/2007 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey TooRelax,
 
First, welcome to the forum.  Sorry to hear about the hairy custody battle you have to go through and the anxiety it is causing you.  You need to project the most stable and consistant appearance you can.
 
First, stop immediately all contact with illegal substances and any associations with friends, family, or anyone else you know who has access to them.  Cleaning up your act is really important.  To handle the anxiety, immediately go see your primary care physician and tell him that you need something for anxiety (explain your circumstances).  Ask him for a recommendation for a psychologist/psychiatrist (someone who can prescribe medications for you) and a some type of talk therapist that can help you work through your anxiety issues.
 
You also need to stop constantly reviewing all the bad points of your relationship with your ex in your head.  The details are not important now, except for the information you need to document for your custody case.  Do you have an attorney to represent you?  Are you living in a stable environment?  Do you have family around to help you out?  I know you said your court case was on Valentine's Day, but try to get all these things in the works before your court date, so the judge will take it seriously.  Maybe you can even find a "parenting" class to sign up for in the meantime.
 
Anyway, I hope things go well for you and that this post helped you out a little.  Let us know how thing are progressing.
 
Leigh Ann cool

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett


TooRelax
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/4/2007 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much everybody for your support! I do agree counciling would help, its the 50 to 70 hours a week I work that makes that hard. Trying to make up for money lost due to the marriage,custody battle, ect. Yes I do have a good lawyer at least I hope for $200 dollars an hour. The idea of going to court for custody came over 4 months ago thats just how long the system takes to get you near a resolution. Now is just a fact finding court date. It is no wonder some people lose it and take thier children because it drags on for what seems like forever. However the custody battle works out I can deal with it thats life. The real hurt comes from being with someone that was sexually abused and moved all over from a young age. I wanted to provide a better life for this girl, I gave her everything (too much). She happily took it all with giving little but I stayed true to her because I loved her and thats who I am. Just seeing her fall into a destructive misserable lifestyle hurts. But I guess thier comes a time where you need to stop careing for that person knowing that they don't care for you. She has admitted to the lawyers that she tried to push me into hitting her by her actions. I now see how I lived for over a year and the abuse I took. I should have known I grew up in a good christian home with wonderful parents and siblings the luck had to run out somewhere. I didn't know people existed that could cause so much hurt and be able to stare you in the face like they have no heart. I do know things get better in time I just hope a woman comes along that can make me forget the hurt she caused. Thanks again
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