Ticking off the days 'til I die

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 2/8/2007 5:41 PM (GMT -6)   
This is what life feels like for me. I have no desire to live at all and yet I'm not suicidal. I just want to keep my head down and get to death as soon as possible, a lot of the time I pray that I can fall seriously ill or be involved in a serious car crash, just anything to release me from this life. I could never take my own life, I just wish that someone or something could take it for me.

Post Edited (polly_pet) : 9/17/2007 3:35:53 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/8/2007 5:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Polly-pet
Welcome to the forum,I am really glad you found us.
Wow you have endured alot,I am very sorry for your loss of your mother.
Depression makes you withdrawl,and I am sure during the time of year that you think about your mom it seems to be worse.
Are you going to any type of counseling? I very much recommend that.or try to find some type of support group that you can attend once a week. Then it wont be people that are just your age,it will be people that are hurting just like you are because of a major loss of a loved one.
I think you need to contact your doctor about the meds,as you should only be taking the dosage he prescribed. I know you understand that,but it could be dangerous by taking more. The doctor's prescribe meds by your weight ect ect..many factors go into the amount they give you.
Please use this board everyday if you need too.
There are alot of great people here that listen and understand.

Good luck

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 2/8/2007 10:08 PM (GMT -6)   

Wow, you said a lot of things I had been feeling and some I am still feeling.  I too have been fighting for my unemployment and have a stupid hearing coming up and am praying to God that I find a job before that because I am not sure of what the outcome will be.

The only thing I can say is find help as soon as possible and consult doctor about meds.  It is literally impossible to start to feel better on your own and with each disaster life throws your way it will only make things worse.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 2/12/2007 6:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Please seek help polly_pet! Just know that we do care ((HUGS))
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

Forum Moderator - Depression

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 2/12/2007 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Polly,
I agree with the advice you have got from other members and moderators here, you must seek help.  It is not a good idea to be chan ging your dosage around without advice from a doctor.
As you are in the UK (I am too), I have left you the samaritans website.  Please check it out.
Take care

Victoria x

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane /


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 2/12/2007 10:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I know what it feels like to feel that down, and the only way you can see out of it is for it to end, or be ended.
I too went through a stage of having no friends, and even though Ihad m boyfriend I still felt so alone and helpless.
I didn't want to share with anyone the pain I was going through, other than the people online. Even though I was making very regular hospital visits,they had no clue until I really hit rock bottom that there was anything wrong. When I did get upset infront of anyone, I blaimed it on hormones. I didn't want help, but I also didn't want to feel the way I was feeling.
When my doctor finally worked out there was something seriously wrong, I couldn't look at anyone, I wore baseball caps to conceal my face. I didn't want anyone to see how upset I was. My doctor sent me to a psychiatrist, and I was extremely sceptic at first. I didn't want to share my pain, I didn't want anyone to know what I was hiding. The first appointment went extremely well though. Rather than explaining why I felt like I did. The Psychiatrist gentally probed, asking questions about my general life. After a couple of sessions I finally started opening up a little at a time. It was a long and rocky road, and I still have major bouts of depression, even now.

I'm getting better though, and still see my psychiatrist every few weeks. I'm still on my antidepressants. And can tell when I come off them. While I'm on them though, and there working for me, I'm doing as much fun stuff as physically possible. So I can look back and see something good and happy that happened.
I suggest you talk to a councillor or a psychiatrist, and get your medication changed. The ones your using are obviously not working for you, and there are lots more to try. I suggest when you do feel amoment of happyness, do something positive and happy with it. So when your down, you can look back and go 'see I can be happy, that was a happy moment!'

Don't be afraid of talking stuff through. If you ever need a person to chat to, I'm around most of the time. My email address should be on my profile.
You don't have to go through this alone hun, and hopefully you will soon see there is a brighter light at the end of the tunnel, than the one your predicting.

It's true!: Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Frown and the world turns upside down.
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
 Allergies: Any dressing except Mepilex border. Even plasters make my skin blister. Hayfever, Tazocin, Tobromycin, Ibruprofen, Asprin, Codeine, Mirtazapine.
I have a pretty little port-a-cath on left side of chest wall

Post Edited (Darkies Gem) : 2/12/2007 8:44:33 AM (GMT-7)

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 2/14/2007 4:39 AM (GMT -6)   

I know sort of how you feel, I have CF and sometimes I just get sooo sick of the treatments and all the medication that I just want to give up. Also my family doesn't understand and my brother is always in a foul mood (he's now on anti-depressants). So I basically had to bring myself up and deal with the peer pressure and all the woes of teenage life. I found that letting my feelings out in a diary really worked, when I go back and read my thoughts I remember how I felt. This is mainly because of my inconsiderate sister who is older and really really really annoying. She tries to be all calm about everything and just seems to upset me every time she comes home, I don;t know why but she just frustrates me.
Support 65 Roses Day, 25th May And Help Find A Cure

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 649
   Posted 2/14/2007 2:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Polly - Hello, I just read your post and I'm 3 days late and a dollar short, but please check back in with us. Are you still on meds for your depression? Sometimes it's the meds that make things worse! Please speak with your doctor! You don't have to feel this bad - really! You came here for a reason, didn't you? You know you need a little help in your life, and that help is out there and you need to find it. You are not alone in the way you're feeling. Please post back here and let us know how you're doing. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}
Living in the Republic of Texas minus a gallbladder, appendix, uterus, and 18" of colon; but living with my wonderful husband, 2 dogs, 1 cockatiel, and 2 gold fish. 

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