I don't know how to get us through this mess

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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/19/2007 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok 2 weeks ago our garage started on fire,and took out both of our cars,along with 2 of our landlords cars.
Since then we have had to buy a used car to get us to work. Our landlord did not have insurance on his property,and now we think he does not even have a renters license. And because of that our insurance ageny is hiring a fire investagator because they are afraid that he is going to sue them.
We need to move out of this place,and have been saving to buy a house,but writing a check for another car has taken a big hit on our house savings.
I am trying to stay positive. But,either of us are sleeping and eating right. I know he has lost at least 10 lbs,and I have lost about 5 so far.
Everytime we talk about it,I try to say things will work out.But then his dad calls,and starts talking about all of the bad things that can happen,and it is making my b/f physically ill.
I am getting to the point to where I dont even want to come home. I have to look at a burned down garage, he is snapping at me over stupid crap,and I just want to sit down and cry.
The panic attacks are very harsh right now. I don't have health insurance,so going to the doctor is an expense that I can't afford myself.And I will not ask him to pay for it.
Then I am angry at my family as not one of them have called to see if we are ok.Or ask how things are going.
I know his parents are just worried about us,but they are not handling it the right way. But at least they are concerned. My family yet again has just left me to my own devices and I guess out of sight,out of mind.
I think my brother is mad at me because he is getting married in Vegas in May,and I can not afford to pay for a vegas trip. I know they are expecting my b/f to pay for it,and that just ticks me off. Expecially now since he is loosing money.
I miss my kids. They are finally coming next weekend. So,that should be a good weekend I hope.
Our trip to Florida last week was very frustrating as all we heard about while we were there was we had to get a house,we had to get married ect ect. I could not wait to get out of there.
I am just so frustrated,and I am worried I am going to have a major melt down. Or he is going to have a major meltdown.And I am not sure I can mentally handle that.
I feel like it is my job to keep him healthy,but so far I am not doing a very good job I don't feel. He can't afford to lose any weight,and I sure can't due to my sickness.
I just want to run away and hide,and come out when everything is better.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 2/19/2007 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry all this is going on. It's hard when both of you are to the point of having breakdowns, been there between me and my hubby. You could go find a nice quiet corner and just cry, it can help you feel better to get it out.

Keep posting and venting, we will listen.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 2/19/2007 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh shy,

I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I don't know what advice to give you if I'm honest but I just wanted you to know that I'm here and will listen any time you want. I am thinking of you and I really do hope things work out for you both soon - you don't deserve to be going through this.

My email is in my profile if you need it.
Take care hun and stay strong - we are here for you x x x

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

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els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/19/2007 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy, I am so sorry that your going through this all now...I know it is the very last thing you need.  I dont know what kind of words or advice to give to you except that maybe you and your bf need to take a night out to dinner one night and just discuss these issues.  You and him are going to have to come up with a clear cut plan of what you are going to do and what you can manage financially for the time being.  If you and he work together and keep your lines of communication open I am sure you will come out of this with a stronger relationship.  But you will have to point out to him how his behavior, stresses, and that of his dad is effecting you.  Also, I am sure he sees how this situation has effected you and that has added to his stress level, so talking about it away from the house would perhaps be helpful.
 
I am sorry your family isnt being supportive during this time.  That isnt any way for loved one's to act or behave and it isnt right or excusable by any means.  I would hope that your brother would understand that given the circumstances that you have just went through and with having to move and buy new cars that you just wouldnt be able to afford to go to Las Vegas for his wedding...and that no matter how much money your bf has or his family has it isnt their responsiblity to pay for these things all the time (your brother has no right to expect this).  Usually, if someone is getting married and they choose to do it in another state or they live in another state it is correct etiquette for the couple getting married to either provide transportation and or accommodations to close family/friends while there.  Regardless, maybe things will look a little better in a month or two and you will be able to go but if you cant your brother needs to understand and except that.
 
I get those feelings of things are so overwhelming that I just cant handle it anymore and I need to run.  You know I have been feeling like that now lately which is why I havent really posted too much here.  Sometimes you just run out of things to give and your left with nothing...or it just seems that way, I dont know?  But I do know that running goes no where, there is no where to go, and it all follows you.  Your strong and your a fighter you may not always feel it but it is there....hold on to that.

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/19/2007 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all
I am sure in the long run things will work out. I just need to figure out a plan to get us through it.
You are right,my family should not expect him to pay for the trip. Everytime we see then he pays for dinner for everyone,and I finally put my foot down and said enough was enough. He may be a little more well off than them but he still has things he needs to save his money for.
My family has major issues,and I just think it is best if I basically ignore them for right now. Just until we get our own lives straightened out.
I am thinking about seeing if he wants to go out of town for a weekend,just the two of us.And him not answering his phone at all. Maybe that will help. I dunno.
I know I will get through this,I may just have a screaming and crying tantrum before it is all said and done!!
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/19/2007 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Your right Shy you both will come out of this and hopefully the experiance will make you a stronger couple.  A weekend away with the phone off is a wonderful idea... :-)   and if you do need to have the screaming and crying tantrums well I would say go ahead and do it... devil   you may feel better afterwards
Hugs tongue

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/20/2007 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
how are YOU feeling Elisha??
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/21/2007 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I am feeling much better.  I have been sick the past few weeks first with low blood pressure then I got the flu...but I felt my depression slipping down also so it has been rough.  Im debating on calling my psychiatrist about upping my antid or just waiting it out until my next appointment in March.  Today I feel in pretty good spirits so far but it is a pretty sunny day and supposed to be 65 degrees so I am sure that helps a lot tongue

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 2/22/2007 1:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy,
How are you doing today? I have been thinking of you.
let us know
Wizzer

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/22/2007 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
Doing ok. I am having a very hard time dealing with all of this. B/F could easily go and get on something as his depression is harsh right now. I have stepped in the "mom" mode as you have to do with men sometimes and trying to deal with my own panic attacks and depression. I feel like screaming most of the time. I feel so bad for that as I love this man with all of my heart,and would do anything for him. He is not good with stress that is for sure. It has made me realize how strong I really am.
"I am woman hear me ROAR" ;)
His dad calls him and they are hanging up on each other within 5 minutes of the call. That does not help me at all. I am trying to be positive,I know that this will all end,but wish it would soon.
Good news is my kids are coming tomorrow!!! I am sooooo excited. I miss them so much. I have been trying to get them here since the week after Christmas but with both of them working they didn't have time.
I finally had to guilt them...hey whatever works right?
Thanks for asking how I am wizzer. I once again am so glad I found this site! I don't know what I would do without all of you!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/26/2007 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy --

Where are you? I have been reading your story and hope that you are well. You are in my thoughts.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/26/2007 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Zinniagirl
I am around,try to be on the site more,but work has been pretty busy.
Nothing has changed as far as getting the mess over with.
But I am hanging in here.
Thanks for asking.
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

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