Ever told your boss?

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Fussketeer
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 2/20/2007 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hanging in there and going to work each day, but I feel my inability to do anything catching up with me. Yesterday I spent hours cleaning up my files and doing catch-up, which was necessary, but fairly mindless and didn't get me any closer to writing a bunch of contracts that are awaiting my attention. 
 
I've been in this dark, numb place before over the years. I just can't do it. I'm burned out after four years of this, with no boundaries, no limits (I do everything from negotiate asset purchase deals to format Excel spreadsheets), no real boss (he's never around), demands from the entire division of my company. I can't write.
 
I wish I had worked on moving jobs before it reached this point. I'm going to be sending my resume to a recruiter tonight, but I'm worried that I will end up getting fired or reprimanded for not doing any real work before I get a chance to go elsewhere. I feel like a brat. I feel stupid. But I really can't do it and wonder if I should level with my boss, so at least he will know there's a problem and it's not that I'm willfully blowing this off, or if I should just shut up, try to cling on, and see what happens. I'm our company's paralegal; he's the attorney.
 
I read the post earlier about stress leave. I don't think that's an option for me. Has anyone levelled with their boss and told them what's going on? Or am I being stupid even to ask? Will it go down in my permanent record....
 
More than anything, I feel like a failure. Why can't I do these simple things? Why can't I think?
 
(And just started Cymbalta; have been in talk therapy for six months.)
 
Thanks for letting me vent.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/20/2007 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fussketeer
Does your company have counseling options?
I bet that if you level with your boss that is something that they are going to suggest.
Have you been to the Dr for the depression?
I don't want to scare you but here is what I went thru.
I too had major problems with my job making my depression worse. I finally leveled with my boss and told them what problems were making me worse.
I ended up quitting because they were concerned about my meds making it hard for me to handle my job.
Whatever you do make sure you have yourself covered.
Make sure you are under Doctor's supervison,so it shows that you are trying to get help.
Have EVERYTHING in writing if you do go to your boss.
I do not know what type of relationship you have with the company,or what resources they have available for you.
But,if there are any resources make sure you use them.

Please keep us posted and good luck

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


_Christina
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Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 2/20/2007 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I have an awsome boss that I have been with for three years. Up untill now I have been compeatly open about everything. Even when there were possible problems with mmy pregnancy I told her, so that if something happened it would not take her by suprise.
Today I called in "sick" and told her that I would be away for a few days (that my doctor sugested that I take a few days off, but really it was my pastor and husband that made me realize that I wasn't going to be any good to them anyway) I was very vague about what is going on, and she reminded me that if I take more than 3 days off I would need a doctor's note to return.
I plan that when I return I will level with her 100%. Well, 90%- I will downplay the effect the at the job has had on my mood and blame it "mostly phyisical, a chemical imbalance". I will then present ways to change my routine to "help me recover".
If I had broken my leg we would be doing the same thing. I would take a few days off, then change my routine for what is possibe with a cast. Depression isn't any less a medical condition.
If you decide to level with your boss, I would place it medical terms. (" I have a mdedical condition that will effect my job performance for a few weeks) You are not required to label it, but AI plan to.
I hope that all goes well for you.
Keep us posted

Fussketeer
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 2/20/2007 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks, Shy and Christina, for writing back. Those are really good points, especially about cya. Why, oh why does it have to be that way?

I showed up again today and will take what you've said in mind, if I actually get to see my boss at all.

I can't tell you what a help it is to hear from you. I really appreciate it.

 


LondonGirl22
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 2/21/2007 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fuss,

I levelled with my boss when I worked for the NHS and I got a lot of help and support. The NHS has an occupational health service that helps employees with any illness they have. My boss was very supportive and it is unbelievable how many people have some experience of depression in their lives but it's never talked about. I hate the stigma attached to mental illness.
I have since left the NHS and am working as a beauty therapist but my boss has been a friend of mine for years so is aware of what Ive been through. It does feel good to have everything out in the open and have no secrets. Depression is an illness like any other and we should not be ashamed of it and hide it. You are obviousley going through a hard time and this is affecting your job. You cannot help this, you are ill and your boss should understand.

Im so pleased that you find this site helpful. keep posting and take care

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

www.healingwell.com/donate


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 2/22/2007 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   
fuss,
 
i have a different background and a different take on the situation.  before i became disabled with chronic debilitating back pain i developed military computer systems, most of which would only be used if there was a wwiii.  i had security clearances out the gazoo, including special clearancess.  if i had told my employers about the depression i was suffering, i would have lost all of my securety clearances and gone from a very comfortable salary to unemployment.  after loosing your job like this, you are virtually unemployable.
 
needless to say, my employers never had a clue about depression.  i was just dubbed "moody."  whenn i was having days when i couldn't do anything, i was "absorbed in thought."  what a crock, huh?  but necessary for me back then.
 
i hope my experience helps.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


Fussketeer
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 2/25/2007 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Warren--
 
I hear that. A friend just entered government work; her background check ranged far and wide and included interviewing me (I was her boss at the time). As the guy asked me these questions about her habits and emotions, I thought, "Wow-- clearly -I'd- never pass this kind of thing." So much for applying to State =)
 
And your experience does help. (And what interesting stuff you were doing.) It sounds like you handled your employment with far more aplomb than I could, although you inspire me to try. I'm known as a curmudgeon and moody, but often situations arise that I have to react to almost immediately, and I can't invoke being lost in thought, even when I am. (Well, I do it anyway, but I know it's unacceptable to those around me.) 
 
I have not told my boss yet, although I did tell him I'm burned out, and he shared that that's why he left his last job.
 
Thanks again for your perspective. And I love your signature. 

CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 2/27/2007 11:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Ok Folks,

I know this topic hands down from all sides.  I've been overworked, overextended, and underappreciated.  I've been on the verge of a meltdown so many times with multiple jobs in multiple fields, and of course, multiple kinds of bosses.  I've found that the smartest way to cover your behind (and stay employed) is to go through the Health and Safety or Human Resources departments.  Avoid going through your management chain, who can personally screw you over.  I've found that using FLMA, the family leave act, can afford you the opportunity to take medically recommended leave, without any "penalty" to your work position/personnnel file.  This is an excellent way to let off some of the pressure with minimal information reported back to your superior, and because it is a Federal Law, people don't tend to mess with it.  Your job position cannot be "officially" negatively affected if you take FMLA.  However, relationships with your boss and co-workers could change character, which means you should be careful when returning to work.  It does not go on your personnel record as a negative, but the individuals that work with you might not see it this way.  Avoid giving out any specifics, just say that you had some family matters to attend to.

Now WARREN, for you specifically, jump down off your cranky horse, and listen how this is applied to security clearance situations.  The thing you need to understand is that any company requiring a security clearance of any level, inevitably start the employment first, have the security paperwork filled out, then may eventually have it processed.  The security clearances are done through the Department of Defense, and cost the company a minimum of $5000.  Thus, many companies get the paperwork filled out, but don't actually submit it for processing until weeks or months later, so they're not out the money in case you don't work out in the position.  Also, if your are not working on a project requiring clearance, they can hold off still longer. 

Once your paperwork is officially being processed by the FEDs, the key is not lying about anything.  It's not that you can't be cleared on through with negative marks on your report, it is just CRITICAL that you don't omit anything or lie about something that can be checked out if the agents on the case are diligent.  My ex-husband was a computer genius, but a horrible liar.  He has serious mental and emotional issues, a lot due to having Aspberger's Syndrome, a form of Autism.  However, he has never been officially diagnosed as such, so there is no documentation about it that can be evaluated.   He just lies about almost everything.  His paperwork is full of lies.  No official has actually questioned outside sources about his information, so he's never been turned down.  However, if anyone talked to me for a half hour, he'd never get another clearance, and would be pretty much out of business for life.

When we divorced, he kept calling me to cover his butt every time it looked like he was going to get his clearance papers put through.  Luckily for him, nobody ever contacted me.  Thus, tell the truth, warts and all.  That's what the security is really all about...truthfullness.  Unless you have something like ongoing psychotic breaks, delusions, or other major mental (and untreatable) conditions, don't sweat it.
 
The bottom line for everyone is that we are all human, and thus, fallibile.  When it comes to money and employment, trust no-one.  Keep your details to yourself but take advantage of FMLA, as it is probably your best option.
 
Just my suggestions,
Leigh Ann cool

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett


BookEater
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/28/2007 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
This is an intersting thread as my breakdown/meltdown took place this week. I have been off for 3 days this week and my doctor (yes, I finally got help) put me off for the rest of the week. I am required to have a doctor's notice for 3 days or more so I sent it in. I am really nervous though even though it foes not have a diagnosis. It feels good to get help but I'm nervous about my job. I figure it is best not to be specific about my illness. It is unfortunate that I've been afraid to seek help because of the ignorant stigma let alone worrying about my job too.
 
Fuss, I hope everything works out. At some point you have to do what is right for you.
 
BookEater

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 3/1/2007 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bookeater,

Its horrible that we still worry about the stigma surrounding mental illness. One thing that I have found is that, when I have told people about myself, they have gone through something themselves or know someone who has. It happens a lot, its just not talked about and it should be.

Dont worry about your job. Its a good step that you got help, well done.

Take care

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

www.healingwell.com/donate


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 3/1/2007 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
The first time I had an issue with depression I was working for a tyrant boss and was advised by a trusted coworker not to say anything to the boss. My coworker knew the boss way better than I did so I took her advice. What I found was the keeping it a secret (as opposed to just not telling the boss) created more stress than anything else did. You are always afraid that you will be "found out" when the truth is that you haven't done anything wrong in the first place. For me at that time burnout was a matter of control. I realized that I had no control over my life because I was giving it away by taking care of everyone else but me. I set about taking back the control over my life and have been all the better for it. I did eventually change jobs as well. We will always have depression as an issue in our lives but our attitudes towards it are what will make the difference. I simply refuse to think of myself as weak or broken because of it.

Hang in there and keep us informed.
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 3/10/2007 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   
kranky1
 
i've been traveling from alabama back to texas and have not really been able to keep up.  i wanted to comment on ths thread about your remarks concerning telling your boss and security clearances.
 
i got my first clearance probably before you were born, in 1971/72.  in those "dark ages" any excuse was enough to deny a clearance.  gays, ***s, transexuals, bi-sexuals, etc. were considered "deviant" and a threat to national security, as was mental illness.  it was also at this time that abuse of controlled substances was accepted (they were having trouble getting people cleared who had served in nam), with a detailed statement as to when, where. how much, to what extent, etc.  we can thank sen mcarthy and j edgar hoover for these prejudices.  i am glad from your post that things may have changed.  this investigation was conducted by the civil service commission on behalf of the us army.  in essence, the army farmed out the invstigation.
 
my clearance was "upped" in about 1980 to british "secret/"  they have (had) a system in place to "fastrack" a clearances through a process they called "negative vetting."  in this system, they check national and international files on you to make sure you have done nothing "untoward."
 
in about 1883 i also got a clearance from a middle eastern country to produce a military system for them.  i believe that they relied on my us and british clearances because they were unable to process me themselves - foreign governments are (were) not legaslly allowed to process security clearances in this country.
 
in the game i was playing back then, a person was hired "pending background investigation."  during the time of the processing, one did little or nothing.  i was working for the us government when i got my first clearance and they sent me to school for a year while the clearance was processed.  for the brits, i started work almost immediately - it was a system with severe national security implications and whitehall considered it a top priority.  the same is true of the middle eastern country.
 
when i got back to the states from the uk, i had to up my clearance to ts compartmentalized with endorsements.  in addition to the background check, i had to undergo a polygraph.  this was for a government security agency and they didn't trust anyone else's investigation, so they did their own.  this took about a year.  during that yr, i did virtually nothing, along with the other people hired/assigned to that project.  were were placed in the "holding bin" until our clearances were completed and we could take our polygraphs.  i was one of the last to have my investigation completed, probably because of my time in europe, living in germany and england.
 
i also spent several years as part of the security organization of an international company. in addition,  i testified in open court regarding this process in the 1980s as as expert witness. all of these events are my experience.  i assume that they predate yours by at least a decade, probably by more. 
 
this is only to say that your experience is different from mine.  yours is not "wrong" only "different."  mine is not "wrong," only "different."
 
if i have a cranky bone it is only for those people who believe that theirs is the only reality and who label all others as "wrong,: stupid, ill-informed, - you get the picture.
 
during viet nam, i was given a choice of developing military systems, based on my education and experience, or toating a gun in the mekong delta.  i made my choice quickly.  :-)    with a few years out to teach full time in europe, i developed these systems for about 20 yrs.  then i couldn't take it any more and went into another area of system development.  and all this while you were learning to talk.  amazing, isn't it?
 
i hope that this explaxcation is illuminating.  i had to get this "out there."
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 3/10/2007 5:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Warren,
 
Thanks for explaining your experience with security clearances, especially as they apply to switching levels, as well as working in different countries.  I'm actually a little older than you speculated, but I'll gladly take that as a complement! tongue I was living and working for government contractors during the late 90s-early 2000s.  The demand for employees was so extreme, if you were breathing and could turn on a computer, your were qualified to work for a government contractor.  A lot of government contractors would issue "temporary" clearances to new employees just to get the ball rolling.  My ex-husband did spend a lot of time, sitting around doing nothing, waiting for his security clearance to be approved.  The need for employees was far greater than in years before, so standards of acceptable behaviour slid quite a bit.  Passing the polygraphy test was key, but the questions because much more liberal.  They had to be, because there was such a demand for working bodies. 
 
Personally, my last position as a billing database programmer/administrator didn't require a security clearance, as it was considered a "support" position.  The scary thing was that I had the access and control to a database used for billing all communication costs (network services, computer support, telecommunications, WAN services, etc...)for multiple government contracts.  There was virtually several million dollars of revenue balancing in my fingertips on a weekly basis.  There should have been a security clearance requirement on my job position, but management was totally clueless about how much power I actually controlled on these government contracts.  If I had let my stress, exhaustion, anxiety and depression get to me, I could have brought numerous government contracts to their knees.  I even had access from my home computer.  A couple of lines of code and I could have caused such damage to so many government agencies, it would have taken them months if not years to straighten out.  Believe me, the thought crossed my mind more than once. 
 
Good thing I left when I did.
Leigh Ann cool
 

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 3/11/2007 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   
kranky 1
 
many people said that i was underworked and overpaid!  i enjoyed what i was doing so much that they may well have been right.  i might have done it for free - most of the ti,e.  lol
 
i know whay you mean about frustration.  one one project the pm wouldn't know a data base if one kicked him up the backside and bragged about being ignorant of data handling systems.  i had the unfortunate job of developing and managing the development ofthose systems.  one one occation, after a bitter shouting match (on his part, not mine) i told him that i could very easily distroy all of my and my team's work, quit, and let him do it himself.  yes, i was angry.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 

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