Sorry all - this is just a rant, I'm having a blah day for no reason.
I've been up and down this rotten rollercoaster ride for about 3 years. Been on 6 different anti-depressants because of adverse reactions, which I won't go into, and have been on varying doses of Effexor XR for about 15 months - up to 300mg daily. I'm currently on 262.5mg daily.
What is driving me nuts is the mood swings.... I feel good for a while and finally think I'm conquering my depression and then days like today come back to bite me.
I have been on WorkCover (workers compensation) for 4 years, a long, frustrating, controlling system, that I can't wait to get out of. I haven't worked for 18 months at all, but just recently started a new job, part-time, with a very compassionate and flexible employer, through the WorkCover agency. While this is a great opportunity, the work isn't what I really want to do, and nowhere near the level of responsibilty or pay that I used to receive.
I know this is a good stepping stone back into the work force, but still have a high level of frustration. Even so, things have been reasonable lately and my moods have been pretty good. I have fibromyalgia and a shoulder/neck injury. I missed my 3rd shift of work due to fibro pain and felt really guilty. I woke up this morning feeling really flat and tired, but went to work. No problems at work, all ok, but since I've come home I just feel flatter and flatter and feel like crying.
I HATE THIS....... It frustrates me soooo much - I just want to be the "normal" happy person I used to be. I reckon I could handle the pain if I didn't have to ride the mood rollercoaster, but at the moment, I'm just feeling really frustrated and useless and no point to trying.
Sorry to rant everyone, I just really needed to get this off my chest to ppl who understand. My best friend tries to understand, but it's a lot to expect of someone who has never been through it. Guess I'm just feeling a bit lonely too.
Whoa is me ....
Sure tomorrow will be a better day.
They say life is a bowl of cherries........... we just have to learn how to spit out the pips!