Just holding on!

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CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 2/27/2007 10:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel like my world is a whrilwind. Everything happening at once, unable to say no because I have this silly need to try and please everyone, fighting the addict in me so I don't fall back into distructive behaviors, and feeling like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Seems like I am in constant conflict with my exwife. You would think that after divorce she would stay out of my life but I still allow her to get to me. I thought I had learned to give the resentments to my higher power but I am giving in to old thought patterns.
 
Thanks for letting me vent. I know what I need to be doing to stay healthy, just letting the depression take over.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

 
Randy

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Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12. Symptoms since age 5.

Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 42 years.


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 2/28/2007 2:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there CheerDad
Put your foot firmly on the brake pedal..and take two steps back..hmm let me see..
Ex wifey can probably be handled by pretending (for a while) not to react to whatever she says that really gets you down or winds you up whatever the case might be!...Once these sort of people realise that they are not having any effect on you they quickly lose interest and go and pick on someone else..this works trust me, and after the first couple of times you ignore the taunts and button pushing you no longer have to pretend ~ and you find that you really couldn't care less after all lol :-)
As for pleasing everyone - forget it lol..sheesh that's way too exhausting..not enough hours in the day for that job..and it's impossible! Sounds to me like it's time that you started pampering yourself a little..distract yourself from needy people in your life and try out a new hobby or challenge that's gonna make you feel good!
Take good care.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
 


LondonGirl22
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 2/28/2007 4:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Randy,

Maree is right - there arent enough hours in the day to be pleasing everyone. Right now you have to think about yourself and look after your health. You somehow how to find a way of not letting your ex get to you - and you know the worst thing........she probably knows she can get to you. Be strong, think about yourself for once and concentrate on getting over this depressive phase.

You seen your doc?

Take care - big hugs

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

www.healingwell.com/donate


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 2/28/2007 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Randy,  I just wanted to lend my support to you.  I have been going through a tough time myself the last month so I can relate in a way.  It always seems like a constant battle or struggle with depression and the slightest interuption or imbalance in life can disturb any kind of peace we have sought for ourselves.  That is the worst kind of irony I think to having this disorder.

You have worked so hard to get where you are now and working on resolving the issues with your divorce.  It is always going to be difficult as you carried a lot of the guilt for it, dont let your ex's anger and resentment pull you down with her.  This is most likely the kind of response that she is looking for as she knows that she can get it from you and that she can pull your strings in this way and the only option that she has to control whatever the situation may be.  Your a strong man and have worked very hard to put the pieces of your life back together.  Dont let her tear them down, dont let her tear you down.  You know we are always here for you.


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Mouseykins
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 2/28/2007 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Randy,

          Maree is right about the pleasing people, I used to be like that and I just ended up getting treated like a doormat, in the end I realised it was totally flipping pointless because I started to feel unhappy myself! Besides right now you need to think about yourself instead of everyone else for once. I hope you feel better soon sweety. (((hugs)))


-x-Mousey-x-


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 2/28/2007 6:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Randy
I also want to lend my support here.
UGH at exs!!!! I have been divorced for 6 years now,and I ended up having to move to another town because of my ex husband. He was a total control freak during our marriage,and that did not end when I divorced him.It got so bad that when I moved to my apartment that freak moved 2 blocks away! Which gave him better access to me and to know what I was doing.
When I started dating 2 years later,he would find out thru my kids that I was going out that night,and find an excuse to just show up when my date was picking me up. It was bad.
And if you have kids with them,it just makes it worse.
Since I have moved and gotten stronger,I now have no contact with him.My kids are 19 and 17 and if he needs to talk to me he either sends an email or tells my kids.
I don't know what your ex wife is putting you thru,but you might have to come to a point to where when she contacts you it is strictly about the kids,and it is on YOUR terms only.

Good luck with this!!!!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/28/2007 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Randy --

Might it be possible that your depression is making you feel excessively guilty and responsible for things? From what I recall, excessive guilt is a symptom of depression. Are you getting treatment now? Also, what about some books on the art of verbal self defense?

Please do something nice for yourself, just for today.

My thoughts are with you.

zg

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 2/28/2007 1:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Randy, I will admit that it has been a while since I have followed your story. From what you have told us about your ex she seems to me to be a bully. Bullies really are cowards at heart. They try to make themselves look strong by tearing someone else down. Instead of handling their own anger they take it out on someone else. The thing about bullies though is that it is all for show. You don't have to give into the way she makes you feel.

I think JordaNZone is right about "Ex wifey can probably be handled by pretending (for a while) not to react to whatever she says that really gets you down or winds you up whatever the case might be!...Once these sort of people realise that they are not having any effect on you they quickly lose interest and go and pick on someone else..this works trust me, and after the first couple of times you ignore the taunts and button pushing you no longer have to pretend ~ and you find that you really couldn't care less after all lol"

You are strong and smart and caring. That will always serve you better than the effect any cowardly bully can have on you. Stay Strong,
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/28/2007 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Good point about the bullying.

Keep coming back, Randy.

FamilyGuy
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 3/1/2007 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Randy,

How are you doing today?

Thoughts and prayers are with you,
Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease and Depression forums
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
 
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CheerDad
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 3/2/2007 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Well it isn't as dark as thing have been. Told my ex that any discussion she had to do with me concerning anything but the kids could go through my attorney. He is pretty tired of her BS too, and has sent a letter to her attorney telling him to inform her any more harrassment will be brought before the judge. I now refuse to answer her calls and read her emails.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

 
Randy

Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12. Symptoms since age 5.

Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 42 years.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/3/2007 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for you Randy!!!
I think you will find that life will be a little easier without hearing her voice on the phone!
You have put her in her place,now lets hope she continues that!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

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els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/3/2007 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Randy, I am so sorry that things have come to this point.  The process of divorce can become so nasty and emotionally draining...mine was terrible with disputes and lawyers going back and forth.  My ex seemed to just want to punish me at every turn as that was the last bit of control he had over me at the time.
I think you have made a wise decision in refusing to take her calls and read her e-mails...this behavior of hers is destructive and you dont have to stand for it.  Please do let us know how things are going :-)

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 3/3/2007 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Good to hear that you are standing up for yourself Randy. Refusing her calls etc is a good thing......you really shouldn't have to deal with her behaviour.

Take care of yourself.

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

www.healingwell.com/donate


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/3/2007 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
That's great news Randy! yeah You are taking control of your life...what's next on your acheivement list?
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
 


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 3/3/2007 1:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Yay, Randy! Good on ya, referring your ex to your lawyer. I hope that cuts down on the "static" coming from her.

zinniagirl
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