Feeling very low

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Mouseykins
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 3/4/2007 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Today's been the worst day of my life - I've been crying my eye's out. Thinking of breaking up with with my girlfriend ... we're just two different. We're falling part anyway. Thing is I want to break up with her but i want her to be with anyone else, AW GOD IM CONFUSED! I hate this depression. Sooner or later it's going to get the best of me. I've been drinking my probems away especially around Kel (that's my girlfriend). Also I'm sure something is going on behind my back, not necessarily cheating but something! Maybee it's just me being paranoid. I've kind of decided that relationships arent my thing and as bad as it sounds sex is the only part of a relationship I understand - there's no questions, for me there's no feelings involved and it's over with in 1 day. I guess it's just that I've been in so many bad relationships I'm scared of messing it up, and i get so scared that I DO mess it up. I don't even know why she's with me, I mean lets face it I'm a screwed up depressed teenager unemployed and Happy 1 moment then very very depressed the next. I smoke and drink away then just lay in bed till I actully manage to drag myself out of bed in the late afternoon. I just keep telling myself to snap out of this depression and self hatetred but I fail to do so. I just want to end all this pain.  
 
 
I am sorry but I had to edit your title and part of your post due to Healing Well Forum Rule number 1:
 
 

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

 

 

 

 

Post Edited By Moderator (Victoria) : 3/4/2007 1:05:43 PM (GMT-7)


Graces_Angel
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 3/4/2007 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
OK Mousey... take a big deep breath...let me talk to you.. I have been in those shoes you are wearing right now.. that most definitely not the answer.. please click on my profile and add my as a friend thru messenger.. I can talk so much more there then waiting on responses thru here..Please let me help you as well as others on this site.

Graces_Angel
God Bless you all,
 
Graces_Angel
 
I have to many problems to add here but look in most of the forums and you will find me. :)


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 3/4/2007 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Mousey, I have so been there. Have you been to a doc or on any meds? Sounds like you really need someone to talk too. Back in September I was in a horrid state and thought nothing would ever be good again. I finally made myself go to the doc and got some meds and they have helped soooo much. I still go up and down, but nothing like it was before.
Hugs to you!!!!

zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 3/4/2007 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Mousey, I was feeling much the same way you described in your post, but with the help of the folks here at this forum, a really good therapist, and a new regimen of anti-depressants, I was able to pull through.

You are not alone. "Things" may look horrible right now, but a lot of that is a lack of perspective caused by the chemical and cognitive imbalances of the depression. Things will get better. It might take some time, and you might just have to take my word on this, but they will.

Keep coming back, Mousey.

saeharr
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/4/2007 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't even know why she's with me, I mean lets face it I'm a screwed up depressed teenager unemployed and Happy 1 moment then very very depressed the next.
 
She's with you because she wants to be, because she cares about you, otherwise she wouldn't be there regardless.
 
I was with someone who was an alcoholic who suffered from depression, he could be pretty awful to me sometimes, life was hectic and stressful with him, but i was with him because i loved him.  No matter what he put me through, i still loved him, because i could see the person struggling behind all the other stuff going on.
 
We're no longer together, but i ask myself the same question of my current partner, 'why is he with me?'  Again he'd answer the same thing, he's with me because he wants to be and because he loves me, just as i am, warts and all so to speak (horribe expression i know!, but you get the gist!). 
 
I think sometimes we have to find the one positive in our lives, and sometimes that is the love of someone close to us.  I'm not saying you need someone with you to have something worthwhile, because i was on my own for about 4-5 years bringing my son up and i was still self assured, but when you do have someone there for you it is special.
 
Try to relax and go with the flow; as you said you think things will go wrong so they do, it's a kind of self fulfilling prophecy!  Why not try a more 'if things don't work out it'll be ok, and if they do even better' attitude?  It takes a lot of effort to mentally think force a relationship down the toilet!, it takes a lot less to just let go and relax and see where things go, and it's a more enjoyable journey along the way cool
 
It's tempting to place yourself at the bottom of the poo pile, that way if you're already down there no one can push you down there, there's no surprises that way, no unexpected hurt, if you're already at the bottom you can control the hurt, know when it's coming, control it.  It's also not a great way to live, the view is much nicer at the top, yes there's risks, as there is everyday in life, but sometimes the risks pay off and you meet some truly wonderful people.  At the bottom you just stay still, you cant move up or down.  It took me a long time to 'climb up' and take some risks, and i'm so glad i did because i've met some brilliant people, and also my soul mate along the way.  I'm not saying it's plain sailing, you always get people who are going to try and hurt you, as you do in any situation, but the good guys outweigh the bad ones a million times.
 
I'm not going to tell you drink isn't the answer because i'm guessing you've heard that a million times, and you alreasy know that.  You're old enough to make your own decisions where that's concerned, just remember you've always got the choice xxxx
 
Thinking of you,
 
Sarah :-)


'Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm....'

Post Edited (saeharr) : 3/4/2007 12:38:43 PM (GMT-7)


LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 3/4/2007 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mousey,

I am sorry for what you are going through. You have recieved some excellent advice here and please contact a doctor about your depression. Keep in touch with us and post anytime ok.
Please read forum rules before posting - no harm done, just doing my job.

You take care.

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Contact me at: victoria@healingwell.net

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX

www.healingwell.com/donate


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 3/4/2007 9:28 PM (GMT -7)   
"It's tempting to place yourself at the bottom of the poo pile"

Sorry! I just got a giggle out of this -- one of the few I have had in awhile.

zinniagirl

Mouseykins
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 3/5/2007 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
hey all thanks for all the replies and fantastic advice :-) . Yeah I hear what you're saying about the taking risks thing Sarah, it's just I have taken risks and ended up in tears. I have tryed not to drink but everytime I feel depressed or see a bottle of Vodka or something like that, it's like I can't risist it you know? It's like if you're on a diet and you see and really gawjuz chocolate browny on the table and you know you shouldn't eat it but there's this evil voice kinda telling you "Go on! Eat it it's gunna taste good" and after a while you just give in devil - thats how the whol drinking thing used to be with me and it's starting to get back that way. After a drink or two I'm a much more lively and fun person - I'm up for almost anything. I wish I could be more like that in real life but I'm not which is a real bummer. I've been taken advantage of too many times drunk or sober. I'm constently trying to make people happy even though I know I can't please everyone I keep on trying. I guess just hate the person I am. Anyways it's late and I need to sleep cya all soon xxxx
 
Thank you so much again!!!
-x-Mousey-x-


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/5/2007 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Mousey
oh my...I see myself in your posts!! It is a little bit scary.
I too have resorted to the "bottle" in order to feel alive,and be happy go lucky ect ect. I am usually very shy,but after a few drinks I am a bubbly person.
While I was married and having kids I did not drink at all. I thought I had to be Mrs. Beaver Cleaver even with an abusive POS of a husband.
Then about a year after my divorce my brother took me out to a bar.
I spent the next 3 years going out 3-4 times a week. I met a great gal (my now best friend) who was single and we became major party girls.
I did things that I still regret. I am still so very angry with myself to this day for the things I did.
I still drink, I will admit that.
It is nice to come home from work and have a few beers and just chill out. But,what I don't do is go overboard anymore. I refuse to be that same person.
I love drinking beer with my b/f and listening to him play guitar,or playing card games on my computer and know that I am home and I am safe.
The lesson here??? Don't be like me and wake up and regret who you have been. Go into your safe zone if you want to have a few drinks. Hang out with people that you know you can trust and do not go overboard.
Telling you not to drink is stupid because you are going to do it.
Just please be careful and be safe.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

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