Feeling really rubbish today..again!

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scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 3/6/2007 2:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hiya. Been on ad for 3 weeks now and all seemed to be going pretty well. Now, well the last few days been waking up feeling terrible just really low, tearful, cranky etc, I have just came off 'time of the month' so dont know if that is whats caused it but it just seems such a fall from how happy ive been. Its sent me back into the confusion and frustration i was in before,and the horrible dark feeling that was hauting me has yet again returned to dominate my daily life. I hate it I just want to feel normal again :( I seem to vent well focus all my depression on my relationship, which is ruining it on my behalf. I seem to have a minor anxiety attack thinking about it a lot, but he hasn't done anything wrong unless support me 100% along the way is a crime. My councillor said I am doing this because it is the main thing in my life. It is killing me though. I really don't want to feel like thi towards him and our relationship as I love him to bits and it all seemed to snap from one day to the next. My heart seems to skip a beat if anyone even suggests 'Is maybe your relationship causing the depression' and i can truthfully say no because i started feeling rubbish first then it kind of esculated to me being paranoid, and i know this doesn't make sense but I was sure that I was right and he didnt want me and my mind seemed to make everything seem 1000 worse than they really were. It kind of felt like a breakdown!I would just like to know if anyone elses relationship has been affected in this way because I hate to think I am he only person in the world feeling like this. This bothers me every minute of the day. I just wish I could sleep non-stop beaucse its the only time I get a rest and am not dwelling on feeling so low and this horrible feeling and thought circle takes over. I dread mornings and look forward to gong to bed which I usually go to as early as poss to escape this! Sorry its been so long. I just had to get that off my chest!
 
Thanks x

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/6/2007 6:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
It all makes sense Scotsgal
One of the major signs of depression is not enjoying the things that you used to love. It sounds to me that is your b/f.
I too have gotten just like that. I worry that I am not good enough,or even have the paranoid thoughts of him leaving me and then what would I do.
I think we do that to "punish" ourselves persay. It is almost like we think we don't deserve to have any type of happiness so we push it away.
My relationship has suffered because of that. And I am working so hard to push those negative thoughts away and enjoy finally being with someone that treats me like a queen and cares about me.
If your other half did not care,he would not be there. If he wanted to leave,he would have done it.
You need to give him more credit. If he supports you,knows about your disease and does everything right. Then he loves you.
Here is a test for your own mind.
Can you imagine not being with him? Think about your future....is he in it? Do you get a pain in your stomach when you think about him not being there?
If you answer yes to those questions then you are right where you need to be.
I have to ask myself that when I get down. I am super sensitive to him..if he gets frustrated with me,or life in general and snaps at me,I take it very personal. I try not too...but I am so afraid of our relationship going sour that I just can't help it.
You need to talk to him. Tell him your worries,tell him what you want and where you see each other in 5 years.
Then go from there.
If I remember right it has been 3-4 weeks since you started your new meds...is that right?
If you still don't feel better in a few days,I think it is time to call your doctor.

Stay strong Scotsgal!!!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 3/6/2007 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hiya, yes I get like that too, if he gets onto me is annoyed/ tired and so on I do take it personally, if we have one silly small arguement i always think its the end of our relationship if that makes sense? As i said before I tend to make mountains of mole hills! It gets me down but I can't help this! Well I sometimes think the easy solution would be just to end it beause then I wouldn't have the worry of feeling like this towards him so it would all go away, but I really don't want to chuck him! I love him I know this deep down even though I can't feel it at the mo! He is great and treats me great, but I can't seem to give it back or appreciate his love and affection properly just now! I feel if he is tired and justs wants to rest- he is bored of me. It seems to carry on lie that. Yes I Can see my future with him, but then this cloud comes over me and I imagine the futre to be constantly like this. I would love for me to be back to how I used to be (feelings and everything) and carry on from there but sadly I can't!! Sometimes I think I am going to be like this forever, and our realtionship is doomed already, is this true?? When i read things lie what you've just written, no offence but I feel better because I think well it is the depession things will get better, but then when people ask 'is he maybe causing your depression' or i see people around me splitting up I get that fluttery heart feeling I feel sick and I feel really down and depressed, I hate this. I'd just like get rid of whatever is blocking my emotions ad feelings from being how they used to be, because it is ruining my life.

Thanks for all your help. x

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/6/2007 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I do the same thing!!! I have my mind set that we are breaking up when we have a small arguement too.
In fact,the "morning after" one of our stupid arguements,he called me on it. He said "just because we have an arguement does not mean we are breaking up,you have got to get over that". He read right thru me(that was scary enough).
Depression is harsh. It tries to defeat us,and we have got to fight it.
When someone tries to give you advice,but really does not know what you are going thru,I would take their comments with a grain of salt. They don't know how you feel about him,they don't know how he feels about you.
You two are the only ones that can get thru this....
Good Luck,and again stay strong!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

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jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/9/2007 11:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Hmmm..one day you are gonna wake up from this nightmare and realise that it's all been a very bad dream..that's the only really good thing about depression/anxiety..we Do get over it - thank goodness! tongue But, and there's always a 'but' lol, there's a catch - we have to stop thinking about how 'ick' we are feeling just now, and we have to stop 'over thinking' every little scenario..so we need to distract ourselves by changing our thought process and channeling all our energy into a new project and/or a challenge. What you decide to do is up to you...it could be as easy as doing a jigsaw,or as challenging as redecorating a room...once your brain is busy and not playing the same old record about how bad you are feeling - you are half way towards feeling better...trust me on this - I have been there several times eyes

Take little steps and praise yourself for any progress you may or may not have made - at least you have tried..and tomorrow is another day :-)

Take good care 

Maree


Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
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