I have about had it.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

giedosst
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/18/2007 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Maybe someone can tell me whats wrong.

I hate myself. I am a 25, and depressed. I have been going to collage for 5 years, and now I just don't give a crap. I sit at home watch tv and feel empty. I am over weight, dumb(really dyslexic) ugly and a strain on everybody. My friends and family are starting to avoid me. I just don't want to go to school anymore. On top of this, I think I like be miserable. I have been in and out of therapy since I was 10, and coupled with a lot of stress gowning up from moving family breakup etc...I have gotten so used to feel bad that its comfortable. Feeling bad feels good. I have been in only one relationship, and it ended with her cheating on me and since (8 years now) its been easier to just not try. Every time I try to meet people, it goes wrong, I end up hating them, and then in turn hating myself, for it going wrong. I don't go out on Friday or saterday nights I just sit at home and feel bad. I am disengaging from school I just don't give a crap. My friends are one by one avoiding me. I hate them and me for it. I think if I where dead it would be some much easier on everybody. Whats wrong with me?

giedosst
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/19/2007 2:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Please...somebody reply

I feel empty and dead inside. I feel liek I am sinking down deeper into my own self-loathing and depression. I am angery at those around me and mostly myself. I just want to make it go away. I wish I would never have been born to begin with, whats wrong with me?


ozfm
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 213
   Posted 3/19/2007 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi giedosst

I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy.  I understand how miserable you are and it stinks.  Have you seen a doctor for your depression?  I've been going through this for a few years - not as long as you, and finally seem to be coming out of it, though I'm still having my ups and downs.

I think your friends might be avoiding your because they don't understand what is going on and don't know how to  react to your moods.  For people who haven't been through depression, they just really don't get it - but it's not their fault.  Perhaps if there is one or two of your friends that your trust, you could open up to them and explain that you don't understand why you feel so low, but you would really appreciate their support.

I have been on a combination of meds and seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist over the last 3 years or so.  I've had times where I felt life wasn't worth living - but when I'm feeling OK, I know it definitley is, and that the people in your life would be devestated if you did anything to hurt yourself, or more.  You really need to open up to them so they can understand and help you through this.

Hang in there, and please get some help from your doctor.  If you can, keep going to school, even if you cut down or defer part of your subjects, socialising is really important - the more you isolate yourself, the worse you will feel.  The anger is part of the depression.

Take care and let us know how you are going.

Deb


They say life is a bowl of cherries........... we just have to learn how to spit out the pips!


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/20/2007 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Giedosst,

Welcome to the board,please post on here as much as you need too..There are alot of great people that care and give great advice here.

It is time to make a trip to your doctor,just as Deb said.
You are in a depression rut,and you need help getting out.
Are you currently on any meds? Do you go to regular counseling?

Please let us know.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 3/23/2007 6:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Dyslexic does not equal dumb. There are some really accomplished individuals who have dyslexia. Like my mom, who put herself and her husband through seminary. And then there's Cher. I also think Tom Cruise might be dyslexic...not for sure on that. Anyway, dyslexia is a challenge, yes, but it does not mean that you are dumb, only that you need to use different information processing strategies.

Just wanted to chime in with that. I think you are very depressed right now, so now is not a good time to be judging yourself -- your looks, your intelligence. It's all gonna look crappy because that's what depression does, the insidious beast.

zinniagirl

giedosst
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/24/2007 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey everybody,
Thank you. I am doing better. I am going to see somebody this Tuesday about my depression. I have been on anti-depressants before and they where really causing me issues (night terrors, sexual issues, etc...) I don't want to go on them again, but I want to be healthier. I also want to get down to the bottom of why I hate myself so much and fix it. It seems like everybody else that I know friends, family, etc... thinks I am a great guy. the only person who really dislikes me is me. Any thoughts on the self loathing?

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/24/2007 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there giedosst

Self loathing = guilt feelings that we carry around = depression...but the good news is that yours will soon dissolve as you are taking positive action by reaching out for help..

Well done yeah hope everything goes well on tuesday..keep us posted on your progress.

Maree


Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 3/24/2007 1:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Yay, giedosst! Are you gonna be okay until Tuesday? Just keep coming back here, okay? It really does help. Lots of supportive, knowledgeable, caring people here.

JordaNZone, interesting point you make about self-loathing. Are you saying that feelings of self-loathing are caused by guilt, which in turn becomes depression? Myself, I thought that feelings of self-loathing were caused by warped, irrational thinking patterns, which are caused by depression. I don't know what to think anymore.

I feel down a lot about myself. I don't know how to stop it, I guess because at this point in my life (I'm forty years old), feeling bad about myself is just as natural as breathing. It's something I do, all day long, without even thinking about it.

At least I have the love of my cats, though. That does help.

zinniagirl

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/24/2007 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Zinniagirl..for me yes..heck I have felt guilty about things that are sooo not my fault or beyond my control and beaten myself up constantly..leading to depression..all things of the past thank goodness.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 3/25/2007 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gei~
I just read your post and some of the responses to you. First I want to say that this forum is great and everyone is genuinely concerned about all its members, so welcome.
I have somewhat a different view on things as my experience with depression has been long and hard!! I have had depression for 21 years and there have been times exactly like your first post. Depression is the ugliest thing I have ever experienced in my life! It has costed me jobs, family and even worse my children and the love of my life whom I still miss so very much!! Getting help is a necessity and it will start the process, however I want to go out on a limb and say that although you will start to feel better, it is not the end. Please know that I am not trying to be negative but this is the hardest thing in my life to do BE WELL!
I was implanted with the VNS device in November 2006, it was activated on December 5, 2006. I have been elated and devastated all in the few months I have had it. This is the final straw for me and I pray to God every day that this helps.
I will pray for you in your steps to wellness!
God bless you!

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 3/26/2007 4:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Good luck for your appointment. Not all antidepressants give you that feeling so maybe try a different one to last time.

Well done for taking the first step in getting well.

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/26/2007 5:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Victoria is right,in fact it took my doctor about 5 tries in order to finally figure out which med would work for me.
Just make sure you keep in touch with your doctor and remember sometimes it can take up to 2 weeks for the meds to take full effect.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


giedosst
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/27/2007 1:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey everybody...
 
Thanks again for the support, its great. I went to see someone today. She tol dme I have depression (big surprise). We desided to take it with just tryijg to fix my thought behaiors. I really don't want to be on medication! thanks again for everybody's help, I will keep this posted and let everynbody know how I am doing.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/27/2007 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Giedosst,
You do what is right for you,just stay healthy and I am so glad that you went to the doctor.


Keep us posted

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 03, 2016 2:54 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,731,994 posts in 300,980 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151146 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, LadyCapricorn.
161 Guest(s), 2 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Gemlin, maria2016


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer