What do you do when you feel alone?

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foreigner
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/19/2007 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I am married have 3 young children. I live in a foreign country, a place where I am not used to the adaptations and traditions of the country and cannot speak the native language very well. We live far up in the mountains with few neighbors around us. I don't have a driver's license and am not able to get one because in this country it costs $1500 dollars (not kidding either) to get one and we just don't have that kind of money because hubby has not been able to find steady work after 5 years of living here. Hubby is licensed and is able to drive, but he never wants to take me anywhere, he thinks it is okay I stay at home 24/7. But in the mean time I go stir crazy and want to go places but I can't just hop in the car and take myself when I would like to go somewhere and I can't even walk because we live so far away from everything. When hubby wants to go places, he can just hop in the car and go, but he doesn't take me because then we would have to take the children and he doesn't like the hassel in bringing them. He gets so angry when I ask him to take me somewhere. Even a few months ago, I had terrible stomach pains and had blood in my diarhea that started in the morning and it took me until the late evening to convince him to take me and since the regular doctor hours were over, we ended up going to a walk in clinic where a student was there and not a doctor and they didn't have a clue as to what was wrong. It would have been better to go early when I could see my normal doctor who knew what he was doing, but hubby just didn't want to take me, he thought I was making it all up.

My mother died recently and I feel no support from hubby. He doesn't seem to care that she died and when I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry at me. I have no family here other than my in laws and they are not much help either. I only have my friends that I write to back home, no friends around here to talk with. I've never felt so alone and the only person that I have (hubby), does not seem to care or want to help me. He calls me a B"#ยค#" among other things and says I only think about myself. I didn't think wanting someone to talk to was so much to ask for.

I feel so alone and have no where else to turn. What are your thoughts on this?

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/20/2007 5:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Foreigner,
Welcome to the board,there are alot of great people that care and will give you great advice.
I am so sorry you are going through this. That is not the way it should be.
I am also very sorry for the loss of your mom...wow,you have some strong shoulders that is for sure.

Now, have you gotten to know any of your neighbors? Are there any mom's that you could talk too?
Would your husband be ok with you getting a part time job? I wonder if he would be more apt to take you to a job if you were bringing in some income,and then that would get you out of the house?
I am just throwing in some thoughts here..... I am not sure if that would work at all for you,but it might.
Also,post on this board as much as you need too.
It has been a lifesaver for me,and it is close to having adult conversations anyway.

Please keep us posted.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/20/2007 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Foreigner, I also wanted to welcome you to healing well, we are so happy to have you join us here.  It really sounds like you are in a isolative place both physically and emotionally. I can understand when you feel cut off from everything and everyone how lonely that feels and how hard it is to try to find the positives in life.  Your reaching out here is wonderful as there are so many supportive people that are always willing to help and just be there for you. 

I once was married and had difficulty talking to my husband who was very dominate in our relationship.  He also had a tendency to call me names as you mentioned in your post.  Over time this kind of treatment wears you down and tears away your self esteem; make no mistake about it this is abusive treatment.  For me I just gave up on my relationship with my husband, there were many other factors involved but I basically walked out and we divorced.  What I would suggest for you is that you calmly sit down and try to talk to your husband about these things and how it makes you feel.  Communication in a relationship is extremely important and once those lines have started to break down it is so difficult to get them back.  He is your partner and should be helping you not working against you.  As for the other things Shy has given you some really good suggestions in her post to you.  And I am sure other members will be along to post also...hang in there and know we are always here for you.  Take care


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


foreigner
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 3/22/2007 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello and thanks for the welcome els and ShynSassy.

In order for me to be able to do anything, hubby would have to take me and he does not want to take me anywhere. I'd like to go back to school or even take a language course so I can finally learn how to speak the native language. I don't get any support from hubby so I cannot do that. And because I can't speak the language I am not able to work here. He just does not want me to have a life here or something. Since the New Year, I've only been out of this house twice. It feels almost as if I am in prision in my own home! Hubby does not want to talk about it because he says there is no problem. Tonight he will be at a friends house and I can't ever say no and even if I do say no he can just jump in the car and go anyway.

Grrrrr! sad

Post Edited (foreigner) : 3/22/2007 5:57:27 AM (GMT-6)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/22/2007 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Foreigner
Mental and physical abuse is not anything that you should have to worry about.And quite frankly this is the year 2007 not 1950 where the wife stays home all of the time.
Do you have any family that can step in and help you? Is there any community centers nearby that you and the kids could take a bus too?
I hope there is someone that you can reach out too this is not fair at all.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/22/2007 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Foreigner, once again I totally agree with Shy...this treatment from your husband does sound like abuse.  Your either going to have to be more forceful in your communication with him or find an alternative living situation that is suitable for you and your kids.  If you want to take classes or go to school a lot of that can be done on-line...I dont know about language courses or even what country your in but it can be worked around child care and your husbands work schedule I am sure.

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


zinniagirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 3/23/2007 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
foreigner, it does seem that your husband is exhibiting signs of abusive behavior, especially in his insistence on keeping you so very isolated. That's not healthy for anyone. Do you have family you could reach out to at this time?
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