Feeling really down today, well everyday ..

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Lil_Angel
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 3/26/2007 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Grrrrrrrrr i feel really really down today, i havent had much sleep the past couple of days and when i do sleep its none stop nightmares sad
I finally fell asleep at 6am this morning after drinking alot to send me to sleep then my alarm went off at 7am mad  i got to work and i only mentioned that i was tired and it all kicked off, i was told to go home and sort myself out, said they sick of me bein moody! i have to go back at 2pm for when it gets busy. They have had enough of me apparently - but its not all my fault, i care for my nan who has Alzheimers so she is forever ringing me to pop home from work to do this n that.
 
Past couple of days iv been feeling really down, bad thoughts are forever going through my mind sad   i dont think i can take much more, i doubt not eating is helping, i cant remember the last time i actually ate something!
 
To make things worse someone from my past is ringing me none stop, nasty calls sad   but he is crafty he uses a different number or withholds it.
 
Grrrrrrrrr i hate life !!!
 
sorry i had to let it out somehow, i just feel so crap!

xXx Lil_Angel xXx


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/26/2007 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Lil Angel
You do know that alcohol is a downer right? It is only going to make you feel worse.
Have you been to the doctor yet?
You are right,not eating is only going to make you feel worse. I suffer from an eating disorder that I struggle with everyday,and when I give in to the disease and don't eat, my depression gets worse.

Can you report the person to the police? Maybe a visit from them would help with the calls. If not then maybe it is time to change your number and be done with it. Protect yourself at all times.

Please contact the doctor and get in right away. If your depression is affecting your job,then you need to get help.

Please keep us posted.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Lil_Angel
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 3/26/2007 5:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Yea i know about the alcohol but i just couldnt help it, it gives me a temperary high and its the only high im getting at the moment!

No i havent been to the doctor yet, but in two weeks i have a week off work, i am going to try and get anti-depressants but i dont want the doctor to find out about the eating/non eating, selfharming and attempted suicides etc.. so im just going to say im feeling down because of looking after my nan. maybe that will work.

With the non eating, yea im the same it does make me feel worse when i dont eat, but no matter how much i want to eat i dont :(

anyways i better get ready to go back to work ... here come the fake smiles!

thanks for listening xxxx
xXx Lil_Angel xXx


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/26/2007 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Lil_Angel, I dont know what is going on here dear eyes   but, you are seriously going to have to take a look at what is going on in your life that is causing you to do these things to yourself.  You can go to the doctor and get an antidepressant which may help some (hopefully) but it also sounds like you have several other triggers in your life that contribute to what is causing you to self harm. 

When you go to your doctor and ask for that antidepressant perhaps you can also ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or a good counselor.  The reason I say this is because you have so much on your plate with taking care of your gran, which is a huge stressor I am sure, self medicating with alcohol, not eating properly which contributes greatly to depression symptoms, nightmares, and of course the self harm issues you have.  You need someone you can talk to one on one about these things in a safe environment. 

Most times if you dont confront these type of issues and just ignore them or mask them with medication they tend to grow and get out of hand.  I hate to see you just barely hanging on....


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 3/26/2007 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Virtual Hugs to you {{{{Lil_Angel}}}}}
 
Hope you feel better soon

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/27/2007 5:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Angel
I am going into the "mother mode" right about now.
You need to tell the doctor about the self harm. It is a VERY big deal in how he can treat you.
I know you are embarrassed,but if you want to truly get better then quite frankly you have got to just suck it up and lay everything on the line.
Think about how you want to be in a year...does self harm come into that picture? If not then you know what you have to do.
Elisha as always is completely right,you need someone to talk to.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Lil_Angel
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 3/29/2007 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all ur replies :)
Im starting to back out of the docs appointment already and iv got 2 weeks to go til it!! I only just remembered i had to stay in hospital a couple of months ago for 4 days due to an OD, so much for not telling the doc about that, it will be on my file :( so now im worryin about that!

I do understand what u are sayin els and sassy, i do, im just scared to tell the doctor everything, if he finds out about the attempted suicides and the self harm what if he makes me go to hospital :( i dont want to do that. Im worried about what he will think of me, what everyone will think of me.

Work is goin ok past couple days, i just stick a fake smile on my face n pray for the day to go quick, tbh it helps goin to work, it takes my mind of things. Weekends and nights are the worst.

I just wish i wasnt here :( Everyday i feel worse than i did the day before.

Thanks for the hugs tase2 ... (((((hugs)))))
xXx Lil_Angel xXx


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/30/2007 4:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Lil
Don't worry about what people think about you at this point. You need help,and you need to start healing.

Stay strong and keep us posted

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Lil_Angel
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 4/4/2007 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, i cant make the docs appointment when i was going to because im going away saturday til monday and then im having to work instead of having a week off eyes , will try whenever i get chance.
 
Still feeling crap tbh, probably worse than before. Im finding that im more sensitive to things than i normally am, every little thing upsets me lately, tears come very easily!
Just feeling really really down, i know alcohol is a depressant but i cant help turning to it sometimes. and i havent eaten it what feels like forever !
 
 
 
xXx Lil_Angel xXx


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 4/4/2007 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Please get thyself to a Dr. NOW. Not later, NOW.
 
As in emergency room, family Dr.
 
If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for us  because we care a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!

tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 4/4/2007 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Are you still out there Lil_Angel.

I am thinking about you, concerned kind of.

I rarely check in here from home, please let me/us know how you are doing.

Even just a hello would be cool.

Lil_Angel
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 4/15/2007 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
hey tase, sorry i didnt come here sooner to let u know i was ok, things have been mad here, last week i decided to go out for a change and some horrible person decided to spike my drink! was sooooooooooo horrible, i collapsed in the toilets and an ambulance was called, i was in hospital for ages! i dont remember much, its just a blur! i was meant to b goin away but i couldnt because i was so ill, so i went in the week and got back lastnight. hope everyone is ok xxx
xXx Lil_Angel xXx


AronMica
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 4/15/2007 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Look above all the negative thoughts and situations in life. Life is not all bad. I thought about killing myself at a very young age. All i wanted to do is rid myself of this void, this pain that i had in my life. Death is not the answer to anything. We all are here for a purpose. I have been through so much, yet i continue on. My life may not be easy and it may not be the best that it could be... but i have come to terms with it and take every moment good or bad...the best that i can. I am glad i have not been daring enough to try and harm myself. My reason for being on this earth is to help others through this horrid disease of the mind. Do not let it, or anyone run your life for you. You are special, no one can ever take that away from you. If you would ever life to chat i am here.

sloan
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 4/15/2007 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Lil angel,
I'm no expert but from my own situation I can compare a little to yours. I have ensomnia. Sometimes I go to work on an hour sleep. I missed my second doctors appointment because I couldn't sleep and when I did sleep I slept through it. They will probably not be happy since this is the second time. I have just started coming out of a depresion that was horrible. I didn't want to live. I am on Effexor xl and I don't think it's helping. I could go on but my situation is caused from too much stress. It looks like a divorce is in my near future and I will have to get another job. One is hard enough to work.

The reason I bring all this up is because maybe you have too much pressure now and if it eased up you would feel better. Taking care of your nan might be too much for you alone I don't know your situation. I would think something is stressing you out. Maybe you should do a police report on the guy also. This might make him madder though. Where I'm at there is a call tracing service you can order from the phone company and it doesn't cost that much. I did it before and I can't remember exactly how I got it. I have it now. Aventually I am starting to feel better but I have a long way to go. But I did feel the exact same as you do. It can get better but try to find the stress.
Sloan


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 4/23/2007 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Lil_Angel

I am really sorry to hear about that horrible situation. I am glad to see you survued it though. I am very proud.

Sorry I have not checked in, but I have been dealing with my own stuff. I am OK, but you have been in my thoughts.

lil miss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/25/2007 12:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hay im new here and suffering a major low at the moment. My whole life really stinks. no friends,dnt wanna eat cant sleep. Cant even get a bf how sad is that!!!!!! i lost my daughter a year ago to her father now im fighting to get her back. (Just add the only good thing in my life is her.) going to the final in may everyones so sure im gonna win apart frm me. if i lose her for good i dnt knw wat ill do!!!!!!HELP!!!!!! confused

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/25/2007 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Lil Miss
welcome to the board,I am very glad that you found us.
I am going to ask that you please start your own thread on this,we don't want to hijack someone else's thread as then people might be confused on who they are responding to and then you won't get the advice you need.


Thanks
Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


lil miss
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/25/2007 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Days been awful spent most of it sitting there thinking about wat if this was different or wat if that happened. im hating life at mo!!!!! how do i make my own thread?????? sad

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/26/2007 5:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Lil Miss
Go to the top of the page and click on "new topic",then type in your subject line and then tell us what is going on.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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