Now I am really depressed

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tase2
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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 3/30/2007 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Somebody started a thread in another forum that I frequent (totally unrelated to health issues) called "What are you looking forward to?
 
People are chiming in left and right with lists that include many dates and events i.e. vacations, parties...
 
I had NOTHING to write down. So that means I have nothing to look forward too sad
 
I am looking forward to the beginning of baseball season. However that just means I get to sit home a watch 162 (a baseball season's worth) games.
 
Aaarrgghhh!

els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/30/2007 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh tase, I am sorry sad .... if I had to say right now what I am looking forward to I cant come up with anything.  Dont let it get you down, baseball is a good pick-me-up for guys....maybe you can see about actually going to some baseball games instead of sitting home and watching?  I dont know just throwing out an idea here :-)

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 3/30/2007 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Actually I think that is a good idea. We have a minor league team pretty close by, and it is very inexpensive.

Someone wrote retirement. I hopped on that, except mine is 15 years away.

els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/30/2007 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Retirement!!! yeah   Hey, it is still something to look forward to....even if it is several years away tongue

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


jordaNZone
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 3/30/2007 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Tase..how about taking action and planning something you Can look forward to? tongue
You have 15 years until you retire..what better way to start than with a fantastic holiday/cruise that you have saved for over the years ahead.
Maree

Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 3/30/2007 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Great plan except we made the conscience decision to use possible vacation money to by my wife a diomand ring I have been promising for 14 years. Then I tacked on some serious Home Theater equipment for me.
 
We took lots of trips within our first 10 years or so of marriage.
 
But now that you have me thinking we can maybe swing a trip to somewhere in Canada. We have been talking about that on and off for many years.
 
You see, I get anxious just thinking about it. Maybe I should look forward to both of us trying to work out our mental health issues and try feeling well first. 

jordaNZone
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/30/2007 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes the solution to these issues is to 'Just do it!' - you sweat heaps, but once you realise that you Can do stuff the world opens up to you again and you feel sooo much better, your sense of self pride restored somewhat yeah ..but hey, little steps may be better for a while..so, do you both have depression/anxiety issues?
 
Maree 
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 3/30/2007 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   

I would struggle to come up with many things that I am looking forward to in the next 12 months. I try not to let to bother me though. If your a baseball fan, perhaps you could go out and play baseball with some friends or perhaps join a club? Watch the games on the TV (or as Els suggested, maybe going to them live) and look for ways to improve your game as well. As for retirement, thats 53 years away for me (assuming the government dont change the law AGAIN!). But there are still so many things you can pack into 15 years. I love the idea of a cruise (Thanks jordaNZone). Perhaps you could climb a mountain (I suppose it depends where you live, I live about 10 miles from a mountain) learn a new skill (A musical instrument or a language). Actually a language would be great because as well as looking forward to mastery of your new skill, you can look forward to a holiday where they speak your new langauge. Plus, you get the confidence from going to a country and communicating in their language! The possibilities are endless!!!

Darren


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 3/30/2007 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
jordaNZone said...
Sometimes the solution to these issues is to 'Just do it!' - you sweat heaps, but once you realise that you Can do stuff the world opens up to you again and you feel sooo much better, your sense of self pride restored somewhat yeah ..but hey, little steps may be better for a while..so, do you both have depression/anxiety issues?
 
Maree 

Unfortunately yes.
 
I think short term goal is to get my home theater set up and working properly.
 
(Definitely not as easy as you would think)

jordaNZone
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/31/2007 1:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Sounds like a great project for you tase..I am electronically challenged ~ you're on your own with this one lol.
I am curious how it works with two people in the same house being depressed..bad enuff when it's just me lol..are you a good influence on each other when times are low?
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/31/2007 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Tase
Jordan is right... also I suggest setting up goals for yourself to try to achieve.
One could be your home theater. Another one could be visiting somewhere that you have never been too.
Or, something that you really want and need to save the money for.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 3/31/2007 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
My wife has a long history with mental illness & depression. I knew this wehn we got married.  I have always been her rock. Overall she has things a lot more in check now than she she has in the past, but still suffers.
 
I on the other hand, never had any problems until a major work reorg now about 10 years ago, where I got the shaft.
 
I started suffering from symptoms I still can't explain. They really fit more into the mold of panic attacks, but as with everything single thing in my life, they were nom specific.
 
Anxiety, panic attacks, have a specific beginning and end time. (of course not usually brought on by something specific). Mine were never like that. A kind of dizziness, could pas out feeling. A very cloudy brain. But could never be put into a time frame.
 
Anyway they started treating me for depression/anxiety about 10 yrs ago.
 
Sometimes I am tired of trying to be her rooting section. Sometimes I just can't do it.
 
I snapped at her last night for maybe the 2nd or 3rd time in 18+ years. Not a big snap mind you, I just blasted her, because she said my gum was making her sick.
 
I now can't chew gum along with many other concessions made over the years. I defifintely just gave in to everything many many years back. I am just tired of everything.
 
The sad fact is that we really share no common interests other than our pets.
 
Really none that I can think of.
 
My guess is that if we both weren't kind of dependent on the other, we would be looking at a split. I think we are both way too affraid of that prospect.
 
My guess is that is exactly what she and I were both thinking during the 30 minutes or so of silence after the gum incident.
 
I am also going through withdrawal from Effexor (see the effexor withdrawal thread) and I vowed not to make any kinds of crazy decisions until that is all clear. But those feelings are not new, but I will not make any rash decisions either.
 
Everyone I know has asked how I have managed to put up with it for all these years. Even mom & mil.
 
She has lost her hearing within the last 5 years in totally unrelated circumstances, plus has constant tinittus, which has caused a lot of problems and lander her on disability.
 
How can I ever leave someone that is on disability? I can't.
 
So you see all this home theater stuff, is great except she can't handle anything with lots of volume. So even when I do set it up, I will only get to fully enjoy it in rare circumstances. Why did I even get all this stuff? I don't know.
 
Sorry about the rant, but it all came flowing out. Of course there is a lot more to it. Any of course I feel the the bad guy, guilty party in whatever I do. I feel like I have pushed her away, which maybe I have.
 
Anyway everyone enjoy your weekend.
 
I gues I answered the question of 2 depressed people in one house; it's not easy.
 
tase

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/31/2007 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Well tase I guess some of us are sent bigger challenges in life than others..you are a remarkable human being..thanx for sharing your story..I feel honoured tongue and by the way you are not a 'bad guy'!

Wondering about the home theatre..and remembering I dont do tech stuff...but is it possible to set up two sets of haedphones..each with their own volume switch lol..hmmm.. maybe that would defeat the purpose of surround sound...oh well no doubt you will tell me lol.

Keep posting.

Maree

 


Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 4/1/2007 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks jordaNZone
I woke up this morning and was thinking about deleting my last post since nobody had replied to.

As with marriage, I suppose, yesterday was a pretty good day. All or many of those things are still true, we really still don't share a whole lot in common, and there were many moments of silence.

 

I can see to boredom on her face. I hear her sighs of discontent, but we plugged on through.

 

 

You will be happy to know, that after staring at the box almost all day, at around 8PM I decided to tackle the home theater. I was shaking. Geez, this is supposed to be my happy hobby. but anxiety was crazy. Anyway I plugged through, anxiety slowly crept away, although I was still a bit shaky.

 

 

I had determine that while this system can do pretty much everything but clean your house, if set up to its capacity, I would hook it up in the simplest way at least to get it in there and fine tune later. I DID IT. It works and everything. eyes

 

I will try and play more today, but it is my MIL birthday, so big feast at her house. Oh darn.

 

We have toyed with the headphone idea for quite sometime, and we both embrace it. The major roadblock is that we need something that actually has a left and right volume controls or at minimum, a balance control to putt all the sound towards her left side.

 

I was very close to try TVEars. WE might still try, but reviews are sketchy.

 

Anyway I best be going.

The withdrawal effects and the cold symptoms seem to be dissipating. I am not going to do a dance until I am sure all effexor is out of my system, but I am hopeful.

 

jordaNZone

you are a remarkable human being..thanx for sharing your story..I feel honoured and by the way you are not a 'bad guy'!

I am just curious as to what sparked those remarks. If it was meant as kind of a morale booster, it worked yeah , but I don't see a lot of "remarkable" in there.

 

Too be continued.

 


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 4/1/2007 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   

tase, I am glad you installed your surround sound despite all the anxiety, working through it is sometimes the hardest thing to do.  But you did it and you should be very proud!!!

As for the relationship stuff...well, it is difficult when you have one person in the household who has depression.  Often times the spouse is that person's support system and if their mental health isnt well maintained things can break down over long periods of time.  I can understand where you would have a lot of guilt if you left your marriage, not only financially for her but, emotionally as well.  You have described though some discontent that you perceive with her?  I wonder if you have actually just sat down and discussed all these things with her?  Maybe that would break some of the tension you feel in your house...hopefully. 

Please keep us posted on how things are...and by the way, I too think your remarkable!  You just seem to be such a nice guy :-)


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/2/2007 1:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Tase, so glad you set up your home theatre..see I was right you are 'remarkable' lol tongue

I meant that you are a remarkable person in the sense that you have stood by and supported your wife thru all her troubled times over the years..then just to top things off you have suffered depression yourself and survived that too..sheesh that's quite an ask for anyone!

So, what's the next challenge in your life?

Maree

 


Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 4/2/2007 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Why not start a new hobby? When both of our kids left for college my hubby and I took up kayaking.  It has been great recreation, has taken us to new places and put us into experiences where we met new people. 
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 4/3/2007 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
jordaNZone said...

Tase..I don't know anything about your probs u mention and don't feel I can even begin to comment...But I think it's great that you feel comfortable to talk about stuff here at HW tongue

Maree

 

Although I do feel comfy enough, I am going to delete that particular post, but contine to contribute to the forum and this thread. tongue

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/4/2007 5:29 PM (GMT -7)   

So Tase..what are you going to do to sparkle up your life and give yourselves something to look forward to?

Maree


Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 4/4/2007 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Maree
 
I've got nothing.
 
Honestly right now I am fighting the 2nd round of this stupid cold. It is spreading around work and some people like me are on the 2nd round. mad
 
I just want to feel a little healthier, then start thinking about something sparkley.
 
 
Thank you very much for checking in. :-)

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/4/2007 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Well tase if you have got nothing - then it's time to reinvent yourself..start from scratch...start writing down some things about yourself that you can change..I dunno what about some new clothes, fresh haircut - whatever takes your fancy really..maybe your wife would enjoy some of these things too..or how about if you change a few things then she may follow along with a few of her own..who knows what may happen?? All I know is that sitting around feeling sad is boring and soul destroying and that life is way too short to do this. about two months ago a dear girlfriend of mine has a severe stroke and died - she was only 56..that in itself was a wake up call for me..sheesh..way too young don't ya reckon?

Maree


Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 4/23/2007 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   

Just here for a quick check in.

I accomplished some major work on my Home Theater this weekend. No anxiety. I have one more piece of aquipment I am waiting for, and that will be complete.

 

Of course I did not do any of the things that Maree suggested nono . Bad tase.

But we have been doing a nice walking DVD together during the Nor'easter and through the week. It felt pretty good to excercise. We got out and walked this weekend in the nice weather.

I will try and keep up with the excercising, and see if I can obtain my listed goal of feeling healthy.

 


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 4/23/2007 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  I also have nothing to look forward too!  Today, I had something happen today that dashed all my hopes.  Please, I know that someone will come up with reasons to have hope but I will tell you that today changed everything and how I look at my life.  I have become hopeless and realize that no matter how bad you want something, if it cant be, it cant be.  I have stuggled everyday in order to see a better day tomorrow because of the "hope" I hold on too, today it disappeared, what now!  I look forward to having a loooonnngggg nap.......... Sleep brings me the only peace I have now.
Teresa

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/24/2007 5:14 AM (GMT -7)   
It is so hard to deal with faithfully. I had to start over in my life about 4 years ago,and still have not totally gotten on my feet. I was used to be the money maker, but was also getting treated like a punching bag. So,I have to really remind myself that everyday.
I guess,if you think about the past,then think about the bad things that happened,that you are not dealing with right now. That is what I have to do everyday,and it makes "looking forward" to the day a little easier.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/24/2007 11:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tase..glad you made it back to HW and that you seem a lot happier with your life..yay..am soo happy for you and your wife yeah
 
 
Faithfully4u...please let us help you..how about posting in the main forum..would love to know more..we care about you tongue
 
Hugs to you both..
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 

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