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Sh00p
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/30/2007 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Why is it that I keep so many people that treat me like crap so close and worry about upsetting them or losing them yet the one person that treated me amazingly and loved me I found away to just push him away?
 
confused
StacyLee


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 3/30/2007 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm the same don't worry, some people speak to me like im dirt on their shoe but my bf who has stuck by me through my moods and blah, I don't feel a thing for him, can you relate to that :S x

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/30/2007 8:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sh00p, Welcome to Healing Well forum we are happy to have you join us here.  I cant really answer your question directly but usually that type of behavior pattern that you have described here can be related to perhaps co-dependency.  I will leave you a link on it here and you can see what you think of it...
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Sh00p
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/30/2007 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Scotsgal...I guess my problem is I feel so much for my (well as of last night) exb/f. I some how did it again...I pushed him away. He's exact words to me were "I don't think I'm strong enough to be happy for both of us"

I'm a bit scared because I finally took the first step and have an appointment to see someone on Tuesday. I don't know why I'm scared...I should be relieved I finally am doing something about it, but I don't know.

Thanks Els...I will have to check out that website.
StacyLee


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 3/30/2007 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Hiya Stacy,

Its good that you are starting to do something about it. Hopefully this will be the start of an improvement. I can completely relate to what you say about the people who treat you badly. I used to do it and sometimes I still do. Els made a great point about co-dependency. I used to feel that I had to keep them sweet because I felt I had nobody else. If I lost them, then I would have no-one else and that I would end up on my own. Im glad to say that I don't do that very often now. Are you still friends with your ex? He could be a good person for you to talk to when things get tough.

I hope things start to look up for you, Take Care

Darren

 


ggjjkk
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/30/2007 4:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sh00p, when I read your posting it was really familiar to me, because my boyfriend said the exact same thing to me about not being strong enough a couple months ago. It seemed like such a cop-out when he said it. I knew he was strong enough, it was just like he didn't even want to try. What a blow on my self esteem.
I don't really know about your particular situation or realtionship, but my mother gave me some advice that worked for me in my realtionship. She told me not to promise I was never going to be unhappy or depressed again, but to do something meaningful for him to let him know that things weren't always going to be like that, and that I understood it was stressful but that he meant so much to me I was trying to get better. I worked really well, and 6 months later my ex boyfriend and I are still together.

You mentioned that you have an appointment to see someone and thats great. The first step is talking the situation over with someone unbiased. I ran over this great website though, it's an international listing of therapists with little profiles so you can check them out before you spend a whole bunch of money on an unproductive session. It's a great place to find someone that will mesch with you. Anyways I just thought I would include it incase you're still looking after your appointment . The web address is http://www.goodtherapy.org

It's hard work, but you can get better. If I can do it anyone can. Seriously.

- Greta

Post Edited (ggjjkk) : 4/6/2007 8:38:14 PM (GMT-6)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 3/31/2007 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi
I wanted to welcome all of you to the board and I hope you continue posting.
I need to add one thing that struck me on both of your posts.
Your b/f's are saying that they can't be happy for both of you.. that does not mean they are giving up and wanting to walk away. That just means they want you to get better and have no idea how to help you.
It is very frustrating for both people involved when one is suffering from depression. We as depressants ask quite a bit from our other halves,and sometimes we just expect them to understand and get upset when they don't. Well,they can't understand if we don't tell them what is going on.
That is the same with going to the doctor. You have got to tell them what is going on so they can treat you properly.
Don't be scared about seeing the doctor as when you are done, you are going to feel so relieved.

Good Luck to both of you and keep us posted.
Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Sh00p
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 4/2/2007 7:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your replies. Shy I could understand what you say except over the weekend I found out my ex b/f is pretty much back with his ex g/f...he brought her home Friday, Saturday, and Sunday...so much for him taking time to be by himself like he told me Thursday night when we broke up. Guess he just didn't know how to break up with me. This so wasn't what I needed right now...I can't concentrate on anything and just want to know why he lied to me. I hurt so much!!! :(
StacyLee


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/3/2007 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Stacy

I am so sorry that happened. I am almost to the point of giving up on hoping men make the right choices.
At this point,if he is going to treat you like that then I think you are probably better off without him.
You now need to focus on you and get better. And then a year from now he is going to be wishing that he would have made other choices,and then I hope at that time you snub him. If he does not want to be there for you that is his problem not yours.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Sh00p
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 4/3/2007 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again Shy...you are right I know I'm way better off with out him...it's just still so hard to let him go. I miss talking with him and hanging out with him. He was my best friend, but after this I can't even look at a picture of him with out want to throw up. I know it takes time to get over things...I just wish with all the other stuff going on in my life this didn't have to end so bad...I was perfectly accepting with it ending, but then he had to make it seem like what we had was nothing. I appreciate everyone letting me vent on this thing. It helps.

So today is the big day...I'm going to see a therapist this afternoon...still a bit nervous, but excited at the same time. I just am scared she'll tell me it's nothing and I just have to get over it. I have dealt with this stuff for most of my life there has to be something more to it. I just know there is.

Thanks again.
StacyLee


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/4/2007 4:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Actually if you think about it,maybe now was the best time for that to happen because you are going thru so much already,and then if you would have gotten better,and then he did it you would be down hard again... does that make any sense? I wonder when I am typing my thoughts sometimes...lol

How did the appt go? Please let us know.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Sh00p
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 4/4/2007 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Well like I said I was fine with us ending things...but that was when it was mutual and on good terms. I know I need to be alone right now and really work on getting myself better. I can't be in a relationship with someone when I am not happy with myself.

The appointment went really well. She seems to be very knowledgable and understanding. We talked about a lot of stuff and set up my next appointment next week. She feels I have a mild form of depression that she wants to try and work out with talk therapy before we go to medication.
StacyLee


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/5/2007 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand Stacy,
And I am glad that the appt went well.
Good Luck and keep us posted


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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