Whatever you do don't let things build up

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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/4/2007 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
I struggled with the subject line here because I really need to get this out.
Ok
On Monday my b/f picked me up from work and basically just reamed me all of the way home. Let's see,I need to figure out how to make more money,I suck because he has to wait a whole 10 minutes before I could leave work.
My kids are coming 2 weekends in row and that stresses him out because then I spend more money ect ect.
By the time we got home I was bawling and ready to pack my bags and leave. I told him that if I wanted someone to drag me down then I would have stayed with my ex-husband.

Well, then he started saying sorry and sucking up...saying he is just stressed right now and he does not know why he is taking it out on me.
I, at that point wanted nothing to do with him. I remained civil for the rest of the night ,but would not allow him to cuddle and all of that crap.

So, in the morning I woke up and decided that I would get a 2nd job, and buy a cheap car so he is not taking me back and forth to work (we had a fire and lost both cars in Jan and have only purchased one for now).
Well that made problems too,because if I get a 2nd job it will interfere with going to the lake every weekend in the summer and we will have no life. Ok, so I can't please him at this point.

Then my 16 yr old son has decided to act like his dad and be mean to his sister,and call me and be a jerk because he wants to come this weekend by himself and does not want her there. I told him too bad because it is Easter weekend and I want them both there. Now he refuses to come..

Last night I got home from work and decided to have a couple glasses of wine and listen to my music as I clean house and do laundry. When I am stressed I clean...
Well since I was already ticked off,and I had decided that all of the men in my life suck,I decided to finish the wine basically.
I turned the radio up a little bit for a song I liked and that set him off. (keep in mind there are many nights that he decides to have some beers and I go to bed just to be woken up by him playing his guitar and turning it up loud,but I do not say a word because I know it is his way of relaxing).
By the time it was all said and done,I was pouring out my heart and letting him know what I had been holding back for 6 months. Whew..... I don't know why I do that. I just let things build up because I hate to fight,so if something is bothering me I just don't say anything. Then I just blow.

I am not sure if we are even talking at this point because I made dinner and just went to bed.
He needed to hear the things that I said,so I am not sorry about that. I am sorry that it took a couple glasses of "guts" in order to get the things out,and he heard about everything that I was mad about within an hour...YIKES.
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 4/4/2007 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh Shy...I feel for you hun eyes

Communication in a relationship I think is really the hardest thing to work on and keep going.  Mostly with things start to suck or get difficult...for me I close off and keep things inside which is not good or heathly.  At least you were able to tell him everything that had been on your mind even if it took a few glasses of "guts" to get it out.  Now, you need to go back (sober) and discuss those issues instead of letting them hang there between you or letting them get dropped.  Nothing gets resolved that way. 

As for your son, maybe he is wanting some time alone with you?  I get wanting both your kids over for easter as it is a special holiday and he should understand that.  But maybe try having a weekend where it is just you and him so he feels like he is getting your undivided attention and not having to share it with his sister.  Just an idea...

Hugs to you Shy...Hang in there :-)


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
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snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 4/4/2007 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
((((HUGS))))Hello Shy , I can understand full what you have said on both accounts as for having a few wines to be able to let it out is that so bad I have done it on several occassions .With all my issues i went to a farewell dinner the other night only to be told five minutes before that i had to present out president with a gift and give a speech .Only after a few glasses of wine was i able to even consider doing it i was so frightened but in the end i did it .I know i have been bottling up so much on the inside as i just can talk about a lot of stuff not to anyone especially my hubby and we have been married 26yrs next week .For me to let it out i have to be extreemly ticked off and i know thats not how it should be but as the years have passed by more time has been spent on the kids and family not US and somehow we have lost the communications to our relationship .Most of the time i`m just to scared to share how i feel .
Talk with your boyfriend more about what was let out the explosion was the beginning point you both know what the problems are now so it`s time to work on them .
As for your son even though you say she is acting like his father both children need time by themselves with each parent reguardless so plan for that with future visits .Give that to your son as a future plan and i`m sure he will be glad to gome for easter with his sister .
Restless

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/5/2007 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
Thanks Elisha and restless
I know we need to talk more,and I plan on doing that I assure you.
My son has been here several times by himself within the last few years because my daughter worked weekends.
I have told him that he can come anytime by himself,and that he can come the weekend after Easter just him.
But,that is not good enough. He is mad at his sister for some reason and not getting his way so he has to be stubborn and mean.
It will work out with him,I just have to make him understand that calling me names when he is only 16 is NOT going to happen. I told him that when he can talk to me like a son should then call me. Not sure how long before he finally does but we will see.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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