I'm Catherine, but ppl call me Cat and am 18. I haven't been diagnosed with clinical depression yet, but my counselor has told me to go to my family doctor immediatly (which will be this thursday) to be diagnosed and possibly given a light antidepressant. Ive been suffering from symptoms of depression for 4 yrs, but i never really did anything about it. I could manage it most of the time..minus the couple months i had to take of school each yr. But a few weeks ago..im not sure if im allowed to write it in here.. but lets just say i ended up in a hospital (not voluntary). Thats why i started to see a counselor.
I am so greatful to finally get help and to have a little ounce of hope in me, but the fear that goes a long with that is unbearable. Im scared about sooo many things. First of all.. starting to take medication. Im scared that i'll lose a part of me if i start taking antidepressants. I think about who i was before my depression.. I dont want to lose that...Second of all... im second guessing the idea of relying on medication to make me happy/ I mean..does it really have to come to this? And im scared to death of the side effects. Ive read stuff on here and ive done my own research. I already have unbearable fatigue as it is... Thats why i have to miss school. Will antidepressants take this away..or cause it to be worse? Thats my biggest concern...and if antidepressants don't help that i dont think i want to risk the pain of goin on that medication. THe emotional and physical pain i go through now is very bad as it is, which is why its weird for me to second guess my treatment. Did anyone else have these feelings when starting medication? I cant have insomnia ... its hard enough already for me to go to school and im in grade 12 with 4 of the hardest subjects u can possibly take. I cannot afford to miss any school. I dont want to be dependent on a drug for my whole life. Ughh.
I don't know how i feel anymore.. i want to get better... yet .. i wish this wasnt the way.
Thats why i suppose its easier just to go to bed at night wishing u wouldnt wake up in the morning. If only it was that easy.
Im also in the worst stage of a burn out right now... and thats obviously not helpin my depression issues. I shouldnt have this stress on me about
treatment. it should be a relief.