hi everyone, i've lurked here a while. i'm usually on the chronic pain board.
i have had my share of trauma in my life, and i've suffered from depression for years. nothing has helped, and it's steadily getting worse.
most recently, i was diagnosed with uterine cancer in december, had radiation and had hysterectomy and am now undergoing chemo. i am just 29, and i can't work in my job as a nurse anymore. i was having a lot of physical problems anyway, since i have lupus, chronic pain in my back due to an old injury, pcos, i'm on meds for pcos (glucophage) and pain (morphine). i have been separated from a man who physically and mentally abused me for years, we have been physically separated for almost 4 years but i can't afford to divorce him. stupid, i know. i was sexually abused by family. i have two very young children who need me, but i can barely get out of bed. i am weak from the chemo, and my parents have been helping me big time, which is another issue.
my mom thinks i don't have pain, or depression, and hates that i take meds for them. i also have pcos and blood sugar problems, for which i am on glucophage, but she wants me off everything. she told me today that "it's all in my head" and "i need to get on with life". i really don't need any judgement from her. it really makes me even more stressed, and that's what gets to me. i'm a thinker, and i definately worry and stress a lot. my life was decent a year ago, and now i'm at the end of my rope. i just lost a grandma who was my good friend in february. i took care of her for a long time. now i can barely care for myself. i feel so isolated cause i can't go out, i get sick easily, and i miss being able to work. i feel like a total loser that just can't get it together.
on top of everything else, i am paying cobra to keep insurance, which is taking the rest of my 401k. i don't know what's gonna happen next, and THAT stresses me. life is just throwing everything at me over and over. i finally got approval to go to a therapist. i want to try and get on different antidepressants. i have taken effexor and zoloft before, and paxil, but nothing helped. i need something to work cause i need to make it. my kids need their mom back.
i don't want to get this too long. i tried to keep it short, so sorry if i was boring or too long. i really need someone to listen, cause i have no one here. it's just me. i am up late, unable to sleep due to the severe pain in my back. i have four herniated discs with annular tears and it hurts 24/7. i'm sure this will be another all nighter, being unable to sleep. thanks for letting me vent everyone, and i hope i get to know some of you better!!!