Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 4/20/2007 6:23:50 AM (GMT-6)
Hello I am Kitt and your right you have made a mistake and now you will have to face the fact that you are human and we don't always make the best decisions.
I would guess your feelings have a lot to due with you situation and how you have recognized you broke the law.
I am sure you do feel bad about your decision but now is the time to start turning your life around. Self hate is not good but rebuilding your self esteem and focusing on what good you can make out of this bad situation may be the right way for you to go. Thisis my own personal opinion.
Low self-esteem can become a bit of a vicious circle. For example, if you don't feel OK, you might often withdraw from people and give out unfriendly vibes; not look people in the eye, and not smile or initiate conversation.
This kind of behaviour might make you appear cold and distant, and as a result, people might make little effort to be friendly towards you.
You would then probably detect that people aren't very friendly towards you, and your belief that you're not very likeable would be reinforced.
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." Irish Proverb
This is a good place to be to let out your feelings and k for support.
You will find others that have the same issues as you do or who have been where you are now.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. A forum as great as this one will take you by the hand and help you along the way.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is important not to 'live in the past' otherwise you will drive your self further and further down. I am from the UK and so don't know huge amounts about the US legal system. But from what I do know, the parol officers are there to help you as well. Any good parol officer will be able to tel the difference between someone who has made a mistake in judgement and someone who is doing it deliberately. You have admitted you made a mistake and this is a good start. Shy is right when she talks about finding a partner. A good partner will love you for who you are. Since you sound like a decent person to me, Its not fair on yourself to define yourself using this mistake. We are all human and make mistakes... Some peoples mistakes are bigger than others. I should know, mine usually are! But I never make the same mistake twice. As long as you learn from the mistake thats the main thing.
Take care and be strong. Things will become clearer and less intense in time,
I was reading Shy's post and something popped into my head that I think might help. A few months ago, my friend in Berlin taught me an excellent phrase: "Einsicht ist der ertse schritt zur Besserung" which roughly translates as "Insight is the first step to improvement" (I think I might have used this in HealingWell before... I just got a feeling of Deja Vu then!) and it is so true. We learn from our mistakes and by not making them... we cant learn! It is true that you made a mistake, but a mistake is also an opportunity to learn.
I just thought I'd share that insight with you. (No pun intended!)
Have you tried journaling? Write down your thoughts and feelings in a notebook for your eyes only and try to stop beating yuorself up.
In your journal write your real feelings and then write how you want to change and how you can accomplish your goals.
Keep looking for a mental health program or google NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health) then look for state and local chapters. They may have all kinds of ideas for you.
Maintaining healthy self-esteem requires you to be aware of your self-talk, to recognise unhelpful self-critical thoughts and to challenge your put-downs.