Whats going on with me?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/22/2007 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Arggggh, what a weird weekend. eyes
 
Firstly on Friday my boss was really weird with me allll day, well at least I got that impression, but we went on a work do at night and she was fine, then the next day my best friends mum said to me that I really put myself down all the time and that I shouldn't, then |I thought my best friend had fallen out with me for no apparent reason and asked my bf to ask her if she was ok with me, which she thought I was daft for thinking that when he asked as she said I'd done nothing. I've felt down all weekend and teary and was actually crying at work due to thinking my boss wasn't talking to me but was to everyone else.
 
Then..today I was at my boyfriends house and I figured his Mum wasn't talking to me also for no reason and when we left I asked him why and he didn't have a clue what I was on about and said Katie you always think everyones against you and not being nice to you etc..and they aren't acting that way atall. Thing is I am like that, in some situations unless its my really close friends I keep my mouth shut or I say very little, and whenever I do say something I immediately thin after it..Do they think I'm tupid/boring/a loser for saying that etc!I always get th impression no-one likes me or that everyone is better than m, I mean lass wise too, alwas feel their clothes hair everything better than me and I look poor and just tings like that.
 
Also this sort of weird feeling towards my boyfriend is sooo getting me down, he's being so great with me, and I can't lose this feeling, but he hasn't done anything wrong, and its a feeling I can't describe all I can say is its a sligtly awkward feeling! Like it makes me not be able to be normal how I ued to be-sorry I'm not very good at describing I don't want us to split as its not that kind of feeling if you all get me, it sprung from nowhere aound the time, I had what I call my mini breakdown where everything came to a head and I decided to visit my gp! I so want this to work with him as he's fantastic with a few minor flaws i.e he snores! and we've together 2 and a half years now, and before I started feeling like this I had a lot of good memories but now when I think back on them they don't seem good, its like a blanket of dull is over them..does that make sense?? Also whenever anyone sggests a split or anything not just in my relationship, any one I get this tight rushing in my chest and like a feeling takes over my whole body, I sweat and my heart races. This is very bad when people mention it about my relationship. I also seemto have beome a bit obsessed with relationships, for instance if I se people who are together/have been for a long time etc it makes me happy and I think oh It can work for me, but then when I see people splitting up etc I fel really down and a sort of panicy, and think, I'm doomed. I am also really bad for reading the problem pages scouring them for answers and relationship questions, I just can't help myslef, anything to do with relationships, I'm on it. I hate this... I don't like talking about me and my boyfriend splitting up, I want to get through this, can i? It sends me into a sort of mini panic just thinking about it. I'm such a freak.
 
I really want to be happy again espesh in my relationship.
 
Does anyone know from what I've said is wrong with me, is it the anxiety and depression I'm suffereing (deiagnosed Dec 06) or should I just run away from this place, thats how I feel
 
Thanks

** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/22/2007 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Scot's Gal

Hello, I am Kitt.  I see some of myself in what you have said and in my case I feel it is low self-esteem.  I need lots of reinforcement that people care but in the end it is me who has to feel good about myself.

People who have poor self-esteem tend to focus on and magnify their perceived shortcomings and ignore their strengths and achievements. It's like looking  in the mirror and seeing a warped picture - a bit like the ones at fun parks that make you look distorted - completely blowing reality out of proportion.

I think you would perhaps do well to look into some books on how to build Self Esteem. 
 
One I like is ABC Feelings - Attitudes, Beliefs & Choices by Author: Alexandra Delis-Abrams, Ph.D.  In my opinion it is a great book on self esteem.
 
I hope you start to work on feeling ggod about you. One day at a time, one step at a time.
 

 
 
Respectfully
 
Kitt
 
Depression 25 years, Husband Crohns Disease 30 years
__________________________________________________ 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”
Rosalyn Carter
 


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/23/2007 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal...How about going along to your doc and telling him how you are feeling these days? If you are on meds I wonder if they need readjustment, or if you are not on meds then you may consider the possiblilty of starting some just to get you thru this rough patch. Over thinking and mind reading other peoples thoughts about you are tiring things to contend with everyday..taking up a new hobby, planning a holiday, any new activity really will help distract your mind from worrying.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/24/2007 2:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Help Help help, still feel awful,
 
I dont understand this, I think a million different answers etc on things and I dont know which ones the real one wnd which are the mixed up ones if that makes sense?! Im full of 'what ifs' I hate it sooo darn much, it scares me becuase it makes me think things I dont want to think and say and do things I don't want to do, but I still do them whilst inside im screaming I REALLY dont want to be doing/saying feeling like this..
 
I forget things a lot, like for instance i was cooking the other day and left the gas cooker on! or just mere things like yesterday I opened my bedroom window and when my bf asked who it was I said I dunno as I had no recolection of it.
 
I also can't spell!! I know that sounds silly but I spell things wrong all the time now and I never used to I used to be good at english and spelling. I am becoming quite physically violent too, which I hate and if I'm runnig late or anything I go crazy!! Like really short tempered and Raging, shouting and swearing!!
 
 
Whats going on?!?!?!?! :( :( :( :(
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/24/2007 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal
Jordan is right,it is time to get back into the doctor. The meds sound like they need readjusted. You need to tell them everything that you have been telling us. I wonder if you are experiencing panic and anxiety attacks along with the depression which seems to be a common thing. I too get that way at times,and I know it is panic attacks.
It is a very bad feeling.
I am not sure about the memory,that is something the doctor needs to be told about right away.

Please make the appt asap.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


froggy1011
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 4/24/2007 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   
OMG Scotsgal,

I am almost exactly how you are! I felt like all of those things were happening to me in you previous posts! Everything! That spelling thing, I thought my brain was frying from depression. Bu I can assure you, it IS the depression. I know meds worked for me. It almost got rid of all those things, except I'm still REALLY tired. E-mail me often. I know how you feel, I feel that way too. :)

Morgan :D
~"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~Helen Keller


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 4/24/2007 8:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh sweetie it`s really time to go back and have a talk with your dr even your councillor .Did you get in to see the psycharist we talked about you really need to get some help and pretty soon,things are not getting any better.
Sorry i haven`t been around to talk to but hopefully now things will settle down and i will be here .

I fully understand what you are saying and i have the multiple thoughts for quite a while it can be so draining and not knowing whats going on and causing them can be so tiring .
Try not to worry too much about your b/f he is so understanding and will be there for you ,you are made for each other .
Take care sweetie and i will be incontact soon.
((((( HUGS )))))....Restless

scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/26/2007 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Yea I had to miss my councilling appointment as I am own my work today and it is sooo busy. Its so weird all day y/day i had such a surge of love for my boyfriend all day!

It was really strong and I felt happy, then today I woke up with my hundred different feelings on the situation again! Its weird, becuase in my head I'm siiting feeling weird and withdrawn from him but I sat and checked my phone all morning waiting for him to text as he does every day :) ) then when he did a big smile appeared on my face!

Then...at lunch I unexpectadley bumped into him up the street from my work and as i stood and spoke to him i couldn't help but smile, a big huge one the whole time we spoke, I was so happy to see him.

Thats what i don't get? :S Whats with these ups, downs and round and rounds?

What are my real feelings i don't get it.

I 101% want ot be with him, but this feeling is baracading my happiness.

Thanks
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/27/2007 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
The ups and downs are part of the depression, and it is very frustrating.
I wish I could also always be level at all times,but I am not.


You have to take it one day at a time and be glad for the good days.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 03, 2016 2:57 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,234 posts in 301,003 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151167 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Hope2day.
318 Guest(s), 16 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
braddiefj, Lymepilot, Albannach, Scaredy Cat, White Bird, Redwing57, Alice22, Awake_, Dave123, snowboat, Ggrlsav, Malone26, trumpet123, JesperTrottier, julymorning, minnietoty


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer