Wife with depression

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Fuzzzxxx
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/25/2007 6:22 AM (GMT -7)   
 

Post Edited (nyjets37128) : 8/17/2013 12:28:36 PM (GMT-6)


Lindaloo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 4/25/2007 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   

Sweetie I feel for you.  I have been married for 38 years and have suffered from depression for many of those years.  I had bad post partum depression and then the docs just realized that I have a serious chemical imbalance.

I too have wanted a divorce, have gone through all the symptoms you listed for your wife.  I have been there.  I now take antidepressants and they do the trick.  It took a while to find the right combination of drugs but they helped in the end. 

What i want to say to you is don't give up.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  She needs to see a psychiatrist though.  They understand this better than family doctors and if combination of drugs therapy is needed they will be better able to diagnose that.

What helped me is that my husband remained supportive and understanding.  He took a lot of grief from me during the dark periods, but I just couldn't help myself.  You're wife WILL get better, but it will take some time.  Just be as supportive as you can be and know that she will feel better after a while.

Come into the chat rooms.  You will get a lot of support there.  There are a lot of people there who are going through what you are going through and support is very important when you are going through the stress you are experiencing.

I wish the best for you and your wife and will pray for you both.

God Bless.

Linda


jamkg
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/25/2007 8:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Hang in there and just love her.....she loves you and because she does you are going to be an easy target when she gets fustrated with herself. I know I did the same thing to my hubby. "you always hurt the ones you love" silly but true, because we know you will forgive us. She is lucky to have a hubby who loves her so much,even when she cant tell you, you need to know that and stay strong, for all of you (baby included). I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck.

:-) JAMKG

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/26/2007 5:12 AM (GMT -7)   
nyjets


First of all welcome to the board,I am very glad that you found us.
Wow,your wife is a very lucky woman to have a husband that cares enough to seek help for her.
Jam is right,when you have depression for some reason we take it out on the ones that we love. And it is not easy for the loved ones to take it,I don't blame them either as it has to be the hardest thing to get through.
I do think the counseling is the right road. You need to make sure that is something she wants to do with you or wants to do by herself for awhile. She may have alot of things going on inside of her that she is having a hard time talking about.
Also,what about a weekend just the two of you? Is there a Grandparent that can take the baby for a couple of days?
A surprise vacation,doing something that you know she will enjoy. Getting her alone,and showing her how much you love her in a different way. Telling her that you are in this together and that you will do everything you can to help her.

Please keep us posted and stay strong!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


pinkbutterfly
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 4/26/2007 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. I am new to this sight. I was so glad to have found it. For the husband concerned about his wife, I want to offer you encouragement... Like your wife, I was very hesitant about starting antidepressants but feeling miserable and making my husband and kids miserable - was what made me change my mind. I was first given Zoloft about 6 months ago and this made me sleep all the time. I was already depressed, sleeping was not what I needed. I began taking 75 mg of Effexor XR this past Monday. The medication so far has helped me not feel quite as "blue". I can get out of bed now... But, I am not sleeping very well at all at night. I was told that this will pass after a week or so. Like you, my husband was hoping for an immediate change. I can't tell you how badly I want to say to him that "I'm all better now". I have to be honest with myself first and then with him. I do have great hope that things will get better in time. This is the clue -- "time". I wish you, your wife and your child the very best as you all begin this healing process.

esmith
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/26/2007 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
OMG. Reading your post reminded me of myself.  Four years ago I gave birth (Ouit my sales job to be a stay at home mom).  At my 6 week post pardom check up my Dr suggested anti's.  I said no because I thought I was just still trying to adjust to my "new life".  I was a horrible wreck, mood swings, anxiety, depression, irritable and miserable.  For the next 2 yrs I was still "trying to adjust to my "new life".  Over these 2 years my Dr. kept suggesting anti's.  I finally gave in when I realized I could no longer function (barely wanting to leave my house).
 
I made an appointment with a psych who prescribed Zoloft and began seeing a therapist.  It took a while for my meds to be effective but they were a life saver!  I can't tell you how grateful I am for them.  They changed my life!! I could kick myself for not seeking treatment earlier.
 
During my mood swings I always wanted to divorce my husband but then the next day I was wanting another child.  I know it's hard for you as it was hard for my husband.  Just continue to be supportive and know that it's her depression talking.
 
Take care and good luck.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/27/2007 5:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok we are entering a new problem here.
First of all,I need to tell you that I was married for 13 years,so I do have experience in this matter( just wanted to clarify that I was not just running off at the mouth lol)
Talking to some guy,not being able to stop thinking about him ect ect, I do not think has anything to do with the "present" depression.
It is not a "symptom" of depression my friend. She needs to get a clue, simple as that.
I am not sure if the other members will agree with me or not here,but I guess I just need to say it.
You need to put your foot down with this. She went into this marriage promising to be faithful,and she is not doing it.
Turn the cell phone off,that is your right. Tell her it needs to end now,because she has no right to disrespect you like this.And she has a baby so she should be focusing on that and not another man.
I am sorry if I sound harsh,but ... cheating is not something I have any patience for. It is not fair to anyone.
And blaming it on depression is a total cop out.
I have had depression since I was 12 years old,and never stepped out on anyone. And would never do it because I have too much respect for myself.
Another thing...you can not blame the other guy totally. He is not the one that is married. So if a gal is going to call him on the phone and show any interest in him at some point he is not going to think about her "other life" because he is not the one stepping out.

You might want to consider counseling just for yourself. I really think that you could easily fall into depression because of all this and that is not fair.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


pinkbutterfly
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 4/27/2007 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Shy on this one... I also believe that the only person(s) she needs to talk about "everyday life" is with you or possibly close female friends- maybe a pastor?. If she doesn't feel as tho she can do that, then it's crucial that she seek out a professional counselor/psychiatrist. This type of thinking can turn into something that will do nothing but add more negativeness and destruction to an already rocky situation. It's possible that she's carrying around unresolved anger or resentment - this could lead to her seeking out this sort of "help"- and in the end is no "help" at all!

No matter the case, blaming her actions on "depression" could very well be a cop-out. Bottom line, her actions are her own and something she needs to be honest about and come to terms with. It's very important that you not allow this situation with her to become an illness for you. As Shy said, getting counseling for yourself may help you to stand on "stable" ground.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Lindaloo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 4/27/2007 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   
You have been getting some very good responses and some very good advice.  I am the first person to write back to you, the one who has been married for 38 years.  I am not going to give advice now, only to tell you of something that happened to me recently and what I did about it.
 
about 2 months ago my husband was going through a serious depression and exhibiting a lot of anger towards me.  I found out he was talking to someone on the computer and the phone.  Well I'll tell you what I did, I moved out and told him I wasnt going to stand for that.  No matter how depressed he felt he was, cheating on me was not acceptable and that was cheating.
 
Eventually, he cut it out and asked me to come back saying that he was sorry and couldnt live without me.  I came back and he did cut off communications with his "girlfriend" and things are much better. 
 
Now I am not saying the same thing is happening to you because I feel your wife is suffering from depression and needs medication too, but I just wanted to share this event with you.  Do what you will with the information.
 
Continued blessings on you and your family.

pinkbutterfly
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 5/7/2007 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
tongue  Great news! Time was the key. I'm thankful for the meds that are available to help those of us who need them. We have a chance to live a life that includes "hope" and happiness. I'm happy for your wife. Congratulations.
 
Pink

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/8/2007 5:18 AM (GMT -7)   
That is awesome nyjets. I was wondering how things were going.

She is very lucky to have you by her side.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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