WHEN EVERYONE GIVES UP, WHERE DO YOU TURN??

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faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 4/28/2007 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
redface  My life has truly taken a turn for the worst!  I have been struggling with my depression and vns for the last several months and have kept the faith only because the few medical professionals I had on my side were active in my treatmet.
 
That however has changed.  With repeated requests for help in understanding what and why I am going through the issues I am, I have managed to "over-grease" the squeaky wheel.  Upon seeing my doctor yesterday, he decided to turn off my vns stimulator.  He was extremely frustrated with me, in my opinion because of the constant requests that his office staff took for granted.  When I expressed that I was concerned that my depression would get worse, he referred me to a psychiatrist.  This was the most devastating thing I had heard, I have no longer trusted any doctor for many years and now the one doctor I trusted wants to put me in the hands of a psychiatrist knowing that this is something that I would never consider!  To me, he had given up on me and after turning off my vns, would not be surprised if the next call he got regarding my health would not be a good one.  How could he let me leave his office knowing that without the vns intervention, it was like sending a sheep out into the field with wild dogs waiting to pounce?
 
However, I did contact the doctor he wants me to see because I care enough about my life that I will try just one more doctor, this doctor does not even know how to treat patients that are receiving vns!  How could my doctor do this?  I give up, I dont have the energy or the time to put into another doctor in order to be side-stepped again.
 
I have realized that in the medical field, no matter how hard you push to ensure that you don't lay down for depression, that you are only a number and only when you "lay down"  are you considered a reason to make "things better!" 
 
After all statistics make all the rules, right?  The more numbers we have the more apt we are to get the help that we as the "numbers" have put in place.
 
As a number, I feel important.  AS A PERSON WITH MENTAL ILLNESS I AM A NOTHING TO THE ONES THAT GOVERN MY ABILITY TO SUCCEED!!!!!!
 
EXTREMELY SAD!!!!
Teresa

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 4/28/2007 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh faithfully, I am so sorry sad !!  I have so many times felt like I was just a name on a chart, and another "client" for physicians to bill for my insurance.
 
However, depression or not we do have to fight for our care and we have to keep fighting.  Dont give up on that dear!  It sounds like your primary care physician has been treating you so far?  I dont know why you have a mistrust of other physicians...and I can understand that concern as it is your healthcare and body, your right and choice.  BUT, as far as your depression and VNS is concerned perhaps a psychiatrist would be best at this point.  I am sure your doctor would forward all your information on to them so it wouldnt so much be like your breaking in a new doc as far as information goes....Hopefully, you will have one who is understanding and supportive to you and will work with you on helping to manage your depression.
 
Please keep us posted on how your doing and how your appointment goes.  My thoughts and prayers are with you :-)

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


faithfully4you
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 4/29/2007 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
confused  Thanks for your kind words.  As I stated in my post, I was referred to a psychiatrist who I stated didnt know about vns.  So your advice is great but I have already taken those steps.  I am a statistic, I am convinced of that and as far as giving up, I have struggled for over 20 years and I as you have seen can give the best advice to many people but when is enough, enough?
I guess what I am trying to say without sounding as if I am threatening my own life is this.......
Most people statistically and I know this because of my own research for my manuscript, are recognized only after they make the choice to be a martyr for others when they give up.
Everyone knows that whether or not they want to admit it, it is my opinion that only after things happen like they did in Virginia, do they look at a person and say, SHAME, SHAME SHAME but why was treatment not implemented?  Sure he is different, he refused treatment and fooled the system but I guess that is my point, what is the main topic surrounding this story?  Not the victims, no it is centered around his MENTAL ILLNESS AND HOW HE WAS TO UNDERGO TREATMENT BY COURT ORDER!!!!!
If that doesnt happen, imagine us poor fools that are seeking help and are avoided!
I thank God for this forum because it is the only place that I feel validated.
I am not sure where I go from here, today is another day and tomorrow will be as traumatizing as well.
Teresa

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 4/29/2007 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi faithfully, I did realize that you had already taken the steps to see the psychiatrist by making an appointment even though you dont feel it will be beneficial to you.  I am hoping that you will be surprised by the knowledge and insight that a psychiatrist can give.  As for the VNS...Granted I dont know much about them, but I am sure that the psych can at least refer you to someone who can turn it back on if this is what you want to do.
I think your physician turning it off was a terrible decision as it has left you with no treatment for your depression at this point...and I realize that is pretty distressing.  I have had major depression for over 16 yrs and I know it isnt easy to live with by any means.  I also understand that your upset by being brushed off by your doctor and yes, that would make me angry too if mine had did that to me.
 
However, I dont think I would make a point on here of the differances between the VT Shooter and his mental state as opposed to those who try to get help and have a difficult time.  We dont know what his mental state was or diagnosis, or even what his thinking pattern was for all that.  Regardless the topic shouldnt be discussed on this forum. 
 
All I can do for you is offer my support and understanding here and tell you once again not to give up.  I imagine in your 20 years with this you have had many times you have wanted to give up but havent...I think people with depression are some of the strongest people regardless if they know it or not.  Hang in there and have faith

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 4/29/2007 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   
FF4U - In order to move beyond this impass you have to be open to new ideas and thoughts. At this time it doesn't sound like you are. Pdocs are just like everyone else, some you will get along with and some you won't. They are there to help you. It may take you a while to find a pdoc that you work well with but when you find the right pdoc it will be worth it.
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 4/30/2007 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Faithfully
I am so sorry your doctor turned you away. That is a horrible feeling.
3 years ago I moved to another town,and when I contacted my doctor to see if he knew anyone here that I could go to,and to get a refill on my prescription he basically told me to not call again. I was devastated as he was the only person that I felt I could depend on with my depression.

Good luck and stay strong.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


cliffspab
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/30/2007 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
It seems to me as though a psychiatrist is a far more appropriate person to deal with your specific needs than a general practitioner.
 
Try it.  It might help.

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 4/30/2007 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  First I want to say that I appreciate the kind and reassuring words that everyone is giving me.  However, I must inform everyone that I am very educated in mental health field by both education and experience.  I have to kind of sigh when I read the posts because I have been advised to do this or do that and I have to tell you, I have and continue to try more than anyone will ever now.  The post regarding the psychiatrists and how you have to find the right one, I have had 8 psychiatrists and 11 counselors.  Needless to say, I have been open-minded and tried one after another.  As far as my doc, he is not a family practice doc he is my neurologist and I have doctored with him for over 15 years.  He has treated me since 1995 for narcolepsy which made my depression worse because of my sleeping disturbances.  And I don't know if some of you are aware or not but I have the VNS and my neurologist does the adjustments.  People with epilepsy have the same implant and are followed by a neurologist.  He is the only doctor that has stood beside me and made sure that I was being heard.  He has been a great doc, however I am sure he is tired and realizes that he cant help the mental part of my health.  We thought that vns would be the solution for the depressive symptoms that I was having and he knowing that i was extremely leary of trusting yet another doctor he tried his best.  I understand.
 
Secondly, I made reference to an event lately that shook the country.  I apologize for making reference to it.  I was passionate about making a point and feel that I was told to be quite about it.  If we can discuss what events concern us or how we interpret what happens to our own lives, I think that is a shame.  I was not passing judgement on anyone, I was acknowledging what my opinions are of how society perceives mental health and why it is so hard for people like ME to be understood.  Not being able to talk about how we feel is exactly what I am talking about
 
All I wanted was for someone to hear me not reprimand me for using my freedom of speech.
 
As I stated, thank you for your care and advice.  I will keep it in mind.
Teresa
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